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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

In love with someone I can not have..Need some help moving on.

17 replies

Heartbrokenday · 30/09/2013 23:05

This is a very delicate situation, I have been a member on here for a good few years but due to the nature of this thread I have name changed and closed off my profile. Again because of the situation I can not be to full on with information so this really is going to be as basic as I can make it.
I met this person in a place where I was going to rebuild my life and make something of myself in relevance they were in a "position of trust". However it was not how I saw them as we are both adults so the "position of trust" idea never crossed my mind.
Anyway I have been on my own for quite a few years and have a background of MH issues due to past traumas.
I was (when I first met this person) already a whole new being and ready to grab life to the full.
Anyway I have grown to be in this situation, I mean every time I see them it literally brightens my day. (Sounds so corny I know) I have never felt this way about anyone, sexuality and gender issues in my life have made me think I would not want this person. and this just proves to myself even more that these feelings are so strong.
Anyway before it gets far to long. I am back again now and although I am not (for the time being) actually under this persons "guidance", I found out today that any type of "relationship" like ours would be would lead to dismissal for them and most likely dismissal for myself. It was mentioned in a conversation about a previous "relationship" that was discovered a few years back.
Anyway nothing has happened lots of "signals" that it could but after today I cannot risk their job like that it is too awful to even think about I really do care for this person and want no upset to them. I just need serious help to let go of these feelings before it is too late and it feels like it is breaking me all over again.

Sorry if that is a big ramble or sounds odd, I have trouble saying what I actually mean so if any does not make sense please let me know. Any help/advice would be greatly received.

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Heartbrokenday · 30/09/2013 23:11

Anyone about for advice tonight :(

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Whatnext074 · 30/09/2013 23:21

I understand that you don't want to give too much information but does this person feel the same?

Am I reading it right that this person has breached the position of trust before?

I understand how someone in a position of trust can make you feel special but do you think it could just be a crush?

I'm not really sure what advice to give but as you say, you have come a long way and are ready to live life to the full but if you acted on this when you say it is wrong, would that set your MH and happiness back a few steps?

Heartbrokenday · 30/09/2013 23:29

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. To answer you as best I can No this person has not broken any rules now or before. I feel it is returned by them in fact 99% positive it is.
The people mentioned today are no longer there. Sorry if it got confusing.
I am trying very hard to not let it get further and do not want the fact that I can not act on the situation to bring me down.

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Whatnext074 · 30/09/2013 23:36

It sounds like you know what the right thing to do is. Is there any way you can avoid this person and try to continue with your own recovery as it sounds like you were/are doing really well.

You probably need to ask yourself the question that if it was taken further, how would that make you feel knowing it was wrong?

I'm sorry if I keep getting the wrong end of the stick but it's a bit difficult giving advice when you have been a little vague and I totally understand why you have though so I'm not fishing for more information.

Heartbrokenday · 30/09/2013 23:42

I understand it may be very confusing I am sorry. I suppose I can make it clear that the person is not a medical person. I have taken a step to get a better future as one of the ways to better myself and I have met them there. I cannot really state more than that but I think/hope you can kind of get the idea of what position I mean.
I think I am more gutted because I generally did not see it as a potential issue at all until today. :(

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Whatnext074 · 30/09/2013 23:48

Oh, I think I do and I guess that answers the question as to you not being able to avoid this person but that doesn't really matter Heartbrokenday. What matters is that you do the right thing for you as you sound like you've come a long way after past traumas.

Heartbrokenday · 30/09/2013 23:59

Thank you. I just do not want to hurt/upset anyone and it has been such a shock today. Just did not think it was any kind of issue.
I know I have to do the right thing but it just seems really hard to block it out.

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Whatnext074 · 01/10/2013 00:07

After you see this person, can you arrange to meet a friend or family member for a drink or lunch or bowling (?!) - just something so you are distracted and are not left alone for a chance for a chat with this person?

Did this person tell you today it wouldn't be appropriate to take it further or somebody else?

Heartbrokenday · 01/10/2013 00:12

It is not really an issue right now as regards to seeing them. As really I only get the odd second as they are not "with" me right now. However that will change again within time and then it will be harder, so that is why I am hoping I can deal with this now. If that makes sense.
No this person did not tell me this. The topic was randomly spoke about today nothing to do with my situation just in conversation and the other person involved was not around at the time.
Sorry I hope you are following me alright.

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BetsyBidwell · 01/10/2013 00:16

Well if it not right and you know it's not, what's to say?!

Whatnext074 · 01/10/2013 00:17

I just need serious help to let go of these feelings before it is too late and it feels like it is breaking me all over again

I think it's this that would be a concern. It sounds like you can already see that it could set you back and that wouldn't be healthy for you. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself from thinking of them? I know that's incredibly difficult as I'm struggling with doing that myself over my H and his OW.

You need to look after yourself, especially if you have had MH issues before and can already see the signs of this hurting you.

Heartbrokenday · 01/10/2013 00:20

I was just talking about it as a way of dealing with it. Sometimes I feel MNetters have helped me so much in the past that I find the best guidance here. Sorry

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Whatnext074 · 01/10/2013 00:22

The guidance on here is good, I agree.

Hopefully someone else will come along and give you some further advice.

Heartbrokenday · 01/10/2013 00:23

I know, My first thought was to completely remove myself from the situation. However that would be a waste of two years hard work and the money I have used to get there.
I know deep down I can deal with it. The shock of today just made me feel a bit down.

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Heartbrokenday · 01/10/2013 00:25

Sorry my post about the guidance was to BetsyBidwell, just to save confusion about my OP.

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Whatnext074 · 01/10/2013 00:25

Keep posting on here Heartbrokenday - I'm sure you'll get some good advice.

Heartbrokenday · 01/10/2013 00:31

Thank you Whatnext074
I just really needed to talk about it and you have been lovely.
Really tired so going to try and get some sleep but I hope you manage to seek closure with your situation soon.
Thank you again.

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