Ok...So first of all I am Asian and our values are different than the western way (in no way superior or inferior).
I am 24 and never had a gf (Not due to lack of opportunities). I have known a girl from a year or so who's been in 1 relationship for 2 years. After the relationship broke off,she has had casual intimacy(everything except sex) with a very good friend of hers. She tells me she is a virgin and has not gone too far even when both the guys pressurized her and she is completely honest with me.(This is something I really respect). I am also a virgin so no double standards here.
Here are the problems :
- She got used by her first bf who lured her into marrying her when he just wanted to have it with her. She still has some feelings for her. Do women really get over their first love/first kiss and stuff ? She still remembers poems and stuff he used to write for her which I find pretty immature.
- I really have a problem with the second guy. The fact that she had some intimate time with him when she knew they don't have a future eats me up. How can she be so casual. She tells that he initiated every time which I don't believe completely. This second guy also made all their stuff public.
- She is completely honest and transparent with me and regrets everything. But,when we were in our initial phase of our relationship,she felt she had done nothing wrong. It's just when I made her realise some things,she felt she had committed some mistakes. She did have a lot of growing up to do but I cant just forgive her for being immature. I know what she's done before has nothing to do with me,but she is very much emotionally attached to the second guy who was kind of a rebound guy for her. She also once told she remembers all the good time she has spent with this second guy which means this second guy really rocked her life for a year or so.
- I have heard the capacity to emotionally bond decreases as the number of partners increases. Will she ever be emotionally attached to me and get over all the physical and emotional stuff ? I have all the confidence in the world to rock her world but after every few weeks,I break down as all the mental pictures eat me up.
I don't want to let go off this otherwise wonderful relationship and an honest girl for my own dogmas of life. I know she is kind hearted and brave enough to tell me everything honestly.