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just had fab date, but.... he clearly wanted to come back to my place...

(231 Posts)
theendishere Sat 31-Aug-13 01:40:39

that's it really! surely most guys would realise that's not an option on a first date?!

AnyFucker Sat 31-Aug-13 01:42:02

why ?

Am not saying you should have, but lots of people do

Was he pushy in any way ?

Of course it's an option. Just not one you chose to take. "Clearly" wanted to? Pushy or enthusiastic?

Great minds, AF

MrsMongoose Sat 31-Aug-13 01:45:04

As long as he wasn't rude or aggressive in his enthusiasm, I don't really think its a problem. It's not an option for you, but it is for plenty, and there is no right or wrong here.

If you like him, see him again. If you have been put off, don't bother.

AnyFucker Sat 31-Aug-13 01:45:08

smile

FrancescaBell Sat 31-Aug-13 01:45:57

No, not getting this.

Did you want sex with him?

theendishere Sat 31-Aug-13 01:50:03

Just worried about a total stranger coming back to mine. Best date in ages but worried I've "warned" him off now sad

theendishere Sat 31-Aug-13 01:51:28

no, not pushy just keen to come back....

WafflyVersatile Sat 31-Aug-13 01:54:29

Well if he wants to see you again then he will call. If he doesn't want to see you again then whether you let him come back or not won't have made a difference and if he did want to see you again but changed his mind on the basis of you saying no then you are better off without him.

FrancescaBell Sat 31-Aug-13 01:55:07

Oh that's different then. Is this Online Dating?

Very sensible to be cautious.

I doubt you've warned him off. If he's warned off by not having sex then he's not worth bothering about, is he?

This is great. He was keen but you decided not tonight. You have a fantastic Twatometer right there. Still keen and respects your decision = possible keeper.

AnyFucker Sat 31-Aug-13 02:00:34

You haven't done anything wrong

If he is warned off as you put it, then he is a twat anyway

Win/win innit

Same as if you had slept with him after all

It's not sleeping/not sleeping with someone on the first date that sorts the twats from the non twats

Unless you have been reading that load of shit called The Rules ?

theendishere Sat 31-Aug-13 02:04:25

Thanks ladies smile Just a bit freaked out by it. It was a great date, really liked him, but bit put off by his keenness to come back on a first date. I've told him i'm free the next couple f eves so I guess I have to wait to see what happens now....
Typical I finally find someone I like, and this happens sad

It's GOOD though. As AF said. If you value yourself, you have got yourself into the perfect situation. If he acts like a twunt, you have lost nothing.

theendishere Sat 31-Aug-13 02:23:41

Thanks, just a bit sad that this the first guy out fo the 11 I've met so far online that I really liked, and it's gone all like this sad

maristella Sat 31-Aug-13 02:29:37

How much worse would it be I'd this guy you like us physically not keen?? As long as he's respectful of boundaries, this is good, right??

theendishere Sat 31-Aug-13 02:32:54

sorry maristella - don't quite understand your post?

PoppyWearer Sat 31-Aug-13 03:42:33

I don't get why you're upset - he's keen! He finds you attractive! That's good!

And as others have said, if he is still keen after you said no....that's good too!

I have been married for over ten years to DH who knelt on the pavement and begged to come back to mine after our first date. Somewhat jokingly and drunkenly as I'd known him a while. (I said no, FWIW, but here we are, 14 years later!)

I went home with my date on the first night ten years ago smile

What exactly happened? Was he unpleasant when you said no? Did he throw his toys? Because that makes him not a nice man. Or are you simply offended by the fact that he wanted to come back? Because that's silly.

Lavenderhoney Sat 31-Aug-13 05:09:25

If he likes you he will call you, makes no difference whether he slept with you or not IMO.

If he is just hanging round for a shag, or not that into you, then once its done (or not) he will push off anyway, first date or 20th date.

If you shoved him away saying " god no, you could be a deranged serial killer " then chances are he might think you aren't that keen or he might bring his mum to vouch for him next timesmile

If you said " I've had a great time but I don't want to rush into sex on the first date" you sound reasonable to me.

I expect he was chancing it, and I suppose its nice to be askedsmile

Buzzardbird Sat 31-Aug-13 06:04:54

I believe maristella was saying "how would you have felt if you liked him and he didn't fancy you?". Iow its good that he was keen.

Cabrinha Sat 31-Aug-13 07:56:22

Like the others, not seeing the problem with his behaviour here.
Slight problem with yours though... sorry, not meaning to be harsh. You think you messed up because you chose not to have sex with a stranger? You need to value yourself more. Well done for sticking to the decision, next step is not questioning yourself after that decision smile

CoffeeandScones Sat 31-Aug-13 08:01:00

Cabrinha maybe not a problem with the OP's behaviour, just that she shouldn't feel she's made a mistake (or should necessarily feel put off by) what happened?

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