I'm really good friends with a man - we grew up together, went to school together and even went to the same uni tho different campuses. There's never been a romantic relationship between us as we're too close, he was like a brother to me growing up. As adults we live a few hours' drive from one another but still meet up from time to time and are/were both married with several children (I still am). He's now gone through a very ugly and messy divorce, and we've talked about it a lot. I liked his wife but thought they were very incompatible and (from hearing just his side of course) it sounded like she was hard work in many ways and a bit mad.
A few weeks ago we got together for dinner and during the course of rehashing the divorce, he admitted to me that he had hit her, and that's why she left and where the separation started. He described it as an end of his tether moment and that he was ashamed of it. He is a very big, muscular guy and she is short and like a twig, and this is horrifying. He's also told me the story of the 'final row' many times but never admitted to the violence - it was 2 years ago now.
I feel really shocked by it to be honest and don't know where to go with our friendship from here. I hate to think of how scared she must have been, and also don't feel like I know him at all. I'm not even sure that there weren't other times that he hit her, since he hid this one from me for so long.
I know it's none of my business. Should I just keep supporting him as a friend (as I have done all along - but now wonder if I've ignored domestic violence and not been there for HER) or do I now need to cut ties with this man, who is violent towards women apparently? I feel so shocked and disappointed, and although I love him so, SO dearly, I'm not sure I want to be friends with a man who could do such a thing. What would you do?
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My friend hit his wife
43 replies
littlebunnyfriend · 23/08/2013 15:12
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