I hope this doesn't turn into an essay, but I'm trying not to drip feed.
I left my unhappy marriage in October last year and moved to Italy for a fresh start, new job etc in early December. The last thing on my mind was starting a new relationship. I wanted to be single and selfish for a while, do my own thing, work on my confidence and do some serious soul-searching blah, blah, blah.
2 months in (late january), I joined a nice gym. Having no social life, I spent a lot of time there and joined the squash league to both get fit and try to make some friends. At this point I was still not really myself and sex/dating hadn't even crossed my mind.
To cut a long story short, I met a nice guy and we started playing squash together regularly (twice a week or so depending on work commitments), and I would often see him in the pool/jacuzzi and we'd chat, so realistically I was seeing him at the gym 4-5 nights a week. At first I just thought he was nice, liked chatting with him and playing squash, but didn't fancy him.
Fast forward another 3 months to April and I begin to realise I'm looking forward to seeing him and starting to think that I might fancy him. We have a lot in common and get on really well. I also start to think he might like me as more than just a friend/squash partner too. I know already that he is divorced with a DS and 2 dogs, has his own successful business, lots of friends, a very similar upbringing to mine, doesn't drink or do drugs etc etc and is the opposite of what I have by now identified as my 'type' and learned to avoid. So things slowly start getting warmer between us. I am being very very cautious as I still don't feel ready to date anyone yet.
Then we start sexting each other (instigated by him). I feel great because I'm flattered he finds me attractive and I enjoy the titillation. No actual sex happens but we're finding out what we both like. I love the fact he is as open and liberal as I am (the ex was seriously repressed and uptight). This continues until late June with a few snogs and gropes thrown in, but I hold back from full sex because I don't like one-night stands or casual arrangements, but I'm not certain I want a relationship either.
We both have to travel a lot for work and both work long hours, and I can't take personal calls whilst I'm working, so we have fallen into the habit of WhatsApp/FB messaging if we can't talk in person. We have also only been on a couple of actual dates not involving being at the gym. I know these things are usually red flags, but there was good reason for them.
So 5 weeks ago we finally had sex. It wasn't the best I've ever had, but it was pretty good and I really needed the release after having at best mediocre sex with my ex husband for the last 12 years. He had to get an early flight the next morning so our goodbye was pretty rushed. Then he went a bit cold in the days afterward, and I had to leave for another city for the whole summer with work. He text me around 5 days later, but I was feeling hurt by his earlier coldness, so acted cold back.
We then ignored each other for 3 weeks until I decided to send him a laying-my-cards-on-the-table message on FB, to which he responded saying he really liked and missed me, was sorry for his behaviour and didn't want to lose me. Great I thought, I was just being over sensitive. So then things carried on as before with us in daily contact via text/FB (normal as well as sexting), for the next week. Then he goes on holiday and goes quiet again.
I thought, OK we've cleared the air already and he's gone away on holiday (I assumed with his DS), so I'm not worried, I'll see him in September and all will be fine. Then a few days ago I went on FB and he is with a (very attractive), woman. He has tagged himself with her at different restaurants etc over several days. At first, I just assumed he'd met up with a friend there and they were catching up (He has lots of male and female friends, I am not a naturally jealous person and I believed his sentiment to be genuine in his message).
Then last night I saw a picture that she had taken and tagged him in. It was her hand resting on top of his with plants tied around both their ring fingers like the best cheesy wedding photo. When I looked at her page, she isn't from that city, she is from the one we normally live in, so is clearly on holiday with him.
I FB messaged him last night about it. No drama or accusations, just that the picture looked very intimate and asking where we stand with one another and if he's already dating someone else. He has seen it this morning, but not replied.
So wise Mumsnetters, what would you think in my situation? And what would you do?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Gutted and feeling such a fool
BestestBrownies · 20/08/2013 15:51
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