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Does the butterfly feeling last forever in a relationship?

(45 Posts)
BeanBagWontStayStill Wed 07-Aug-13 17:51:19

I know about the 'honeymoon' bit at the beginning of a relationship where you are all over each other, but what about the 'feeling in love' feeling? Does that fade off after a few years?

I know I love my dp, but I cant help feeling something is missing, Am I settling or is this what a realistic long term relationship feels like?

The hopeless romantic in me says I should be on cloud 9 everyday, and the practical part of me says I need to get a grip and thats life.

any opinions??

runningonwillpower Wed 07-Aug-13 17:58:00

Check in with that practical part of you.

Relationships evolve. What you lose on the 'butterfly swings' you gain on the 'security and contented roundabouts'.

I could swap my secure, contented (and a wee bit staid) relationship for the excitement of romance. But what about 2 years down the line - it would just be another slippers and night-in relationship.

Every day can't be Christmas.

valiumredhead Wed 07-Aug-13 18:28:06

I've been with my Dh for 24 years and I still get butterflies,I adore him but every day is not Christmas and done years I have more butterflies than others-I'm sure he'd say the same. As long as the good times out weigh the bad it's all goodsmile

valiumredhead Wed 07-Aug-13 18:28:25

Some not done

wordyBird Wed 07-Aug-13 19:14:28

Well... it depends what's missing, in your view, and why you think you need to get a grip.

Cloud 9 isn't a long lasting situation, and isn't really meant to be. Imagine that blissful bonding some people have with their newborn baby: this changes when that baby becomes a toddler or teenager. smile the love is all there, the bliss maybe less so smile

With a partner, you would feel happy about having them in your life, enjoy their company, be glad when they get home, miss them when they're away - this type of thing. If you couldn't care less or are bored, well....

YoniBottsBumgina Wed 07-Aug-13 19:28:45

I think some people do. I don't, though, but I don't feel like anything is missing. As someone above said, the butterflies sort of get replaced with a safe, settled, secure happy feeling. I quite often look or think about my DP and feel all grin because I can't think of anyone I'd rather be with or would feel as happy and settled and level with. I suppose that's as close to butterflies as it gets these days, but it works for me smile

valiumredhead Wed 07-Aug-13 19:36:10

I get butterflies when I hear Dh's key in the locksmile

welshharpy Wed 07-Aug-13 19:39:49

Relationships evolve and change, there are highs and lows, as long as the lows don't significantly outweigh the highs you should be fine. Yes the butterflies at the start of a relationship are all-consuming and that does die down but the love will still be there, sometimes you will have very strong loving/sexual feelings for your partner and sometimes you will want to throttle them! Cloud 9 every day is not realistic for most couples. If you are bored with your relationship think of ways to spice it up to give you back the 'omg, I love that man!' feeling? Can you go away on a romantic break, do long 'breakfasts' ;) in bed or something else you have both wanted to do for a while?

Nope but I love him even more now on a deeper level

trikken Wed 07-Aug-13 19:44:32

I still get butterflies when I hear dh open the door or see him when he arrives to pick me up after work (cant drive) but its not constant. Been married 6 years and together a bit over 8. Every day practicalities get in the way really.

peteypiranha Wed 07-Aug-13 19:44:54

I still get butterflies and am very attracted to him. I still want to kiss and touch him a lot. I dont think it should fade.

BeanBagWontStayStill Wed 07-Aug-13 20:00:54

So some do and some dont...

I know I love my dp, lt would break my heart if we were to split, he's great with our ds, I do feel the secure and comfortable feelings described upthread. We still have sex (very important!)

I guess I just miss that blown away feeling and that is what got me wondering if its normal or not...

Lowry Wed 07-Aug-13 20:42:47

Been together nearly 30 years and still get that feeling when i look at him.
He feels the same way too.

(and that's after kids and 30kg extra!)

They come and go. Sometimes daily life gets in the way but every so often I glance at DP and get butterflies galore

onlysettleforbutterflies Wed 07-Aug-13 20:53:46

Thought I should reply given my name lol. I have been with dp 6 years and still get butterflies, some days more than others depending on what else is going on in life. Usually if an unexpected text or email comes in from him I get them. I think its important to still feel some of that initial excitement about him.

Squitten Wed 07-Aug-13 21:24:52

Can't say I get butterflies anymore but I couldn't even begin to countenance life without him. It's a really great feeling to know you have picked the right partner and to have 100% confidence in your future life.

The big romance is nice but it's not going to get you through the tough bits of the road - the illness, the family crisis, the money worries, the stresses as your family grows. That is where you learn that other qualities are worth all the butterflies in the world.

YoniBottsBumgina Wed 07-Aug-13 21:35:46

This might be TMI blush but the only time I get that feeling is when we play a sort of sex "game" where the idea is to tease the other person enough that they will give in and touch you while trying to resist the urge to touch the other person - you agree the limits first off and then try to coerce the other person into breaking them.

This is really hot because it brings back the element of not knowing how they will react to a certain thing. I don't get butterflies with DP because I know how he will react if I say a certain thing or touch or look at him in a certain way.

Maybe the whole butterflies thing is different for different people? I don't get it much at the start of a relationship either, only in that very initial stage where you're wondering if they will make a move or making a move yourself, wondering how they will react.

But as I said upthread I do just sometimes think about some aspect of his personality or body and feel all warm and gooey inside that he even exists let alone that he's mine - so I suppose that might be the feeling others refer to as "butterflies"?

ageofgrandillusion Wed 07-Aug-13 21:40:18

The sort answer to your question OP is, does it bollocks.

YoniBottsBumgina Wed 07-Aug-13 21:46:32

Can I just say also - for me, and it might not be the case for others, but I would feel really intimidated I think if my partner was so attractive that I was swooning over him all the time. I know he's not the hottest guy on the planet and he will certainly never have the best dress sense in the room but together we're both a little dorky, a bit awkward, and I can see all over his face that he adores me and that is gorgeous enough.

<smushy>

BeanBagWontStayStill Wed 07-Aug-13 21:48:58

Oh god I'm crying! Thank god dp is wmpgmg away!

BeanBagWontStayStill Wed 07-Aug-13 21:50:17

*working... Would help if I could type!

YoniBottsBumgina Wed 07-Aug-13 23:56:57

brew In a good way or a bad way?

AnnabelleLee Thu 08-Aug-13 00:05:13

no. Its a chemical reaction that lasts at most 18 months. Something better comes after.

tigerdriverII Thu 08-Aug-13 00:10:20

I've known DH for over 30 years and we've been together for most of that. The best thing is the look on his face (and in i hope mine) when we see each other, it's delight in being together and always something to talk about, things we want to do etc. We have got past the phase of ripping the clothes off all the time, but that would be unseemly for such ancient folk as us.

Delight is the key though, that thing of spotting them across a crowded room and being so pleased to see them, not all the other people there.

craftycottontail Thu 08-Aug-13 00:14:35

8yrs on I don't get butterflies, but I'm sad when DH leaves the house, happy/excited when he returns (I sound like a dog!!), still look at him when we're doing the most mundane things like sitting on the sofa and think 'aww I love you so much!' and 'mmm handsome!'

I've gone through phases when I've really questionned my love, but looking back that's been at times when I've suffered from depression. And the night before our wedding but I think that's normal! I felt a bit sick that night thinking about the possibility of not loving him.

What do you feel is missing, OP?

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