This may be long (apologies)...
I have been with my partner just over 5 years, we have two daughters aged 2.4 years and 12 weeks. Things have always been pretty good, we've had ups and downs but nothing too drastic.
In the last 6 months or so my partners mental health has taken a severe downturn. He's always suffered with on/off depression and anxiety but things have just got worse and worse. We are seeking help but everything seems to be moving so slowly...
He is suffering from delusions of things in the dark trying to get him, paranoia that people at work are out to get him (he has been signed off for about 4 months now, with no sign of going back soon), he's started drastically changing his appearance and has bought and been using a piercing gun on himself.
He can't seem to handle anything, he usually manages about 10 minutes with the children before it becomes too much, 10 minutes of housework before he has to sit down (for the rest of the day...) He goes through extremes of making me feel like the most important person in the world to shit on his shoe, I don't know where I stand most of the time!
I am extremely supportive and have been doing everything in my power to help and be there for him. I've been making all the appointments and seeking help and he has an assessment next week with the local mental health team.
As hard as this all is, I think I can cope just about, knowing that help is on it's way.
There is one thing however I am seriously struggling with. According to my partner he has strong sexual urges to sleep with other women and feels he must do this. He says he needs to do this to feel wanted and appreciated, as a release and so he feel like he's someone else. He says he's felt this way for a while and wants us to try an 'open' relationship.
I just didn't know what to think or say, I tried to come to terms with it but I just can't imagine being with anyone but him. Since we spoke about it he has slept with another woman and is talking to someone else 'like him' who he also has plans to sleep with. She is in pretty much the same situation as him and reading their messages to each other they act like me and her partner are the unreasonable ones for not letting them find 'release' with other people.
I talked about leaving and received a suicidal response. I've backed down and I'm keeping quiet for now.
It's all just so soon after the new baby, I feel trapped. I don't know what to do and feel I can't tell anyone is real life about this, I feel so ashamed :(
I really need advice. Even though he says it's a symptom of his issues (possible borderline personality disorder) what do I do about it? Anything negative towards him brings on a severe depressive episode...
Sorry if I've ramble, or went on too much. I feel so numb right now and confused.
:(
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Not coping, really need advice.
TarumTarah · 26/07/2013 23:33
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