Will he always be addicted to gambling? Will I always have to check and double check and control our finances?
I've caught him 4 times in a two year period. First time: I found out after the wedding that for the 6 mths leading up to the wedding that he was gambling his wage, online, every month. I didn't recognise the man I married. We didn't deal with the problem properly, so a few months later he was doing it again, when we should have been saving for the baby (I was now pg) and the new house, still online up to £1k a month. I took his card off him, gave him spends for a couple of months. It was hard work, and miserable.
Then he lost his job, just after we moved into our new big house with big mortgage, and he dealt with this by gambling again. This time in betting shops, probably threw away about £800 over an 8 week period.
Each time he has been remorseful, upset, ...but still not quite completely honest. Each time I said that I'd chuck him out, that I would not have him destroy everything.
A few months ago I caught him again, I noticed about £200 disappear from our account over a 4 day period.
As much as I wanted to, I didn't kick him out.
He's remorseful. He is so upset that our marriage is seriously on the rocks. (We are now going to Relate).
He's now getting counselling from Gamcare - he's had two sessions so far, and likes the counsellor.
We have a joint account. At the moment, he shows me his finances and expenditure every day (rather than me take his card off him and dole out cash when he needs it). I hate this.
The house is in my name, and it's mine. If I kicked him out, I think I could afford to stay here. We have a wonderful son of 19 months.
Leaving our crumbling marriage to one side, because I don't believe that gambling is our only issue, ahat I need from ye wise women of mumsnet, is to know if he will ever get over the gambling. What is your experience?
BTW: He says that apart from the odd bet before, the gambling addiction - and wreckless gambling started only after we started a serious relationship. He says that he gets no joy/excitement/thrill at all from gambling. Quite the opposite, he feels despicable, but felt compelled - couldn't fight the urge.
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Relationships
DH is addicted to gambling. Going to Gamcare. Will it stop?
OiMissus · 25/07/2013 10:15
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