Apparently we've been "very separated for a few years now but not looking to upset the status quo at home yet due to children"
He set the profile up while I was on a work's night out last month, my first in years. This is all such a mess, and I don't want to dripfeed, so I'll try to bullet point it.
- I've suffered with depression for years. Last year my period returned for the first time since having DD (3yo). When that happened, my SSRI's lost their effectiveness and I started suffering from debilitating PMT
*Last year I started a new PT job and became friends with a male colleague who I see for maybe 10 minutes each week. We have a similar sense of humor and started to exchange memes via email.
*About 4 months ago I went to the GP for help with my mood swings. Her solution was to slowly wean me off the last meds and start me on something new. My mood has been increasingly low and irritable throughout, which does make me difficult to live with.
*3 months ago, my "email friend" had a depressive episode, and so I increased email contact to help cheer him up.
*Last month I started my new meds and also attended my first work's night out in years. That same evening, my husband set up his online dating profile.
*During the work's night out, it was the first time I'd actually had any real time to chat with this colleague. I realized I was pretty strongly attracted to him, and kind of freaked out about it.
*The new meds triggered 10 days of insomnia and coupled with my strange feelings for colleague I've pretty much had a breakdown. Feeling like both colleague and I were vulnerable, I told him I was feeling too strongly in his presence and wasn't comfortable seeing him in person.
*Husband read my email, and was not pleased. I responded that the silly emails were helping me stay afloat and that I didn't intend to stop the friendship.
*I made colleague aware that emails were being read by my husband, and carried on emailing/texting jokes and support.
*Last night I felt awful and irritable and was cross with my husband, which made him really unhappy. He said something cryptic that made me think. So today, I figured turn about was fair play and logged into his email. There I discovered he's created profiles on POF and Friends With Benefits. I told him I knew, and he says it's my fault because I was texting my colleague, and said I had feelings for him.
I don't even know why I'm waffling on here. It's over, isn't it? Neither of us trust the other, and we're both making each other so unhappy. What do I do now?
*Continued