I've always been very, very careful with money. I like to live by a budget, save up for nice things and have a safety net in the bank. Since living with DP (and it's only been a few months) we seem to constantly live in an overdraft.
A few times I've calmly said to him that I feel we should make more of an effort to budget properly. He dismisses this and says we don't buy luxuries as it is but we do! £20-£30 every weekend on cinema and days outs, we do "a shop" around twice a week and spend over £70 each time when we originally budgeted for £50 a week on groceries. He's constantly buying stuff off ebay - he just seems to spend without really worrying about where it comes from. But anyway he agreed we'd make more of an effort.
So last week I notice that the bank is £-150. A few days later it's £-200 and then at the start of this week it's £-300. I voice my concerns and he says stuff like "tell you what, lets not eat for a month" with a smirk on his face. Yesterday the bank was sat at £-500 and I tell DP I'm becoming very concerned about the increasing over draft. He tells me we can't cut back anymore than we do and I'm being unrealistic. Today the account was at £-630.
So later in the day he's making sarcastic comments such as "hang on, let me consult my financial advisor about this purchase" or "I was going to buy a drink earlier but didn't want to cause a financial collapse so went without." He makes out he's just playing around but I feel he's totally disregarding my concerns. We're not on bad money, he earns over £30k a year and I earn over £20k a year - when we wrote out a budget we worked out we'd have almost £200 spare a week after groceries etc yet we seem to just dig deeper and deeper into the overdraft. I don't understand.
Tonight I just wanted to talk to him about it and express my concerns, see if we can work out where we're going wrong and see if we can come up with a solution. He sat there giggling and smirking at me whilst I was talking and then said stuff like "ooo welcome to the adult world of relationships and mortgages and cars and bills - " err I'm 32, I've lived with "adult finances" since I was 17. He even said "if this isn't the kind of life you want, you should just say" - in other words, fuck off if you're not happy? So sensing that he was not taking me seriously I started to tell him about WHY I was so anal about money and budgeting. The conversation went like this:
"I just want to explain to you why it means so much to me, I had a bad experience when I was younger and ... "
he butted in with "look you're just over talking it, no point in going on about it."
FFS i was about to tell him something important about my past! how fucking rude. I told him he was out of order to cut me off like that so he said "ok ok, tell me what happened back when you were a child." in a mocking voice. (what happened was my ex and I got into a shit load of debt, all of it in my name and then he fucked off and it took me years to pay it back. I worked my arse off to do it but I did it and always swore I'd never get into debt again - but he never got to hear this story).
I've never been in debt since and I'm struggling with it and finding that I have no voice because if I bring it up I get laughed at or accussed of being a nazi with money. He's not interested in WHY I'm so concerned.
Another thing is that I went for a job interview last week. It was a horrible day, my beloved guinea pig died and I found him just before I had to set off for my interview. Made a twat of myself in the interview but somehow - I got the job. DP does not seem interested at all, hasn't really congratulated me (well he has but vaguely) and when a mutual friend told him to take me out to celebrate he said "yeah I will" - we were supposed to be going out tomorrow night and he's already trying to get out of it. We won't end up going unless I really push for it but why bother? if he doesn't want to celebrate why push it? where is the fun in forcing someone to celebrate with you?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Can't voice my opinion/concerns without him taking the piss & disrespecting me
ArthursWhiteHair · 17/07/2013 23:40
He doesn't sound very kind. And he sounds very shit with money.
It doesn't sound like a very promising start to you living together. Can you separate finances? I would do that PDQ.
Yes, and LTB, but you knew at least one person would say that 
.
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