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Do all men do this??

(29 Posts)
welshharpy Wed 17-Jul-13 20:29:35

Hi all, this is a small niggle that hubbie does that drives me up the wall and I am beginning to wonder if it is just a typical bloke 'thing'?

An example was last weekend we went out to an event with some friends, I had a programme with the order of events and hubbie asked me which was on next. I looked in the programme and answered him, he immediately frowned then asked the person sat on his other side. She gave him the same answer, he says ok and that is that. I immediately said very loudly that I just told him the same thing and I wasnt lying, he comes up with some pathetic excuse and thinks no more of it.

I was absolutely effing seething! Problem is, he does this a lot. Doesn't like my answer so will ask anyone else aswell and choose to believe them even if its the same answer! I do not know if the thinks I'm bloody lying or I am wrong but tbh I am so upset because if feels as though he thinks my opinion isn't worth shit.

Is this normal for blokes to completely disregard their wives/partners opinion?? In most other ways I would have to say hubbie is great but this is one thing that really pisses me off and we end up arguing about it, his excuse is always along the lines of 'well I didn't realise that' or 'well I wasn't sure' etc etc.

slug Thu 18-Jul-13 11:33:04

To some extent it's cultural. I used to team teach with a male colleague. Our students were almost all male and came from a South East Asian background. They would ask me how to do something, listen, ask questions, then 5 minutes later would check with my colleague. The colleague was the one who noticed it first. He made a point of repeating exactly what I had said.

We didn't really blame the students, it was unconscious, but they came from a culture that is highly patriarchal. They simply couldn't take anything a woman said seriously, especially when it came to something technical (we were teaching computing). I notice something similar amongst some of DH's more unreconstructed drinking buddies. Women's voices simply don't appear to register with them, especially if they are being witty/clever/making a joke.

anklebitersmum Thu 18-Jul-13 10:50:57

Mine does it. Recent one was "we need to go straight on not left here"
Ignored. Continues to follow sat nav, turns left. 1/2 mile later sees the sign saying 'No access to XYZ do not follow sat nav'.

I made 'the smug face' all the way home. grin

or...(my personal pet hate)

Hubby (while I'm houseworking) "what can I do to help?
Me "Running the hoover round would be great"

Hubby hovers looks about, hovers some more..then

"so what can I help with?"

Me (internally) The f-ing hoovering knobby
instead "I don't know, you're an adult..find something"

mummytime Thu 18-Jul-13 10:40:58

Thanks tigerlilygrr and Walkacrossthesand. I don't know why Imnotscareditsonlytheinternet's problem is - some cultures do operate very differently - its not racist to say so; there is even a science around it, anthropology.

Admittedly this is irrelevant to the OP, as I don't think it is cultural in her DH's case.
She probably needs to discuss with him how it makes her feel etc. Then if he doesn't change/try ... LTB? It would drive me mad.

DonutForMyself Thu 18-Jul-13 10:32:00

My ex did it all the time, we worked together and he would often credit one of the staff with a great idea, only for me to point out that it had been my idea several days ago.

Current DP will take my word and even if he's not sure or I am hesitant and not 100% confident in my answer, he will say "you're probably right because you're a clever lady".

LTB grin (only half joking)

Secretservice Thu 18-Jul-13 10:24:08

My STBXH used to do this all the time, but with bigger stuff. 'I think we should should remortgage,' says he. 'I think not because of ABC,' says I. 'You're wrong,' says he. I shrug, as I know he cant do anything without my say so. He sulks, we row. Two days later 'changed my mind about the mortgage because random bloke on pub pointed out ABC'.
Funny that grin

Walkacrossthesand Thu 18-Jul-13 10:04:00

Thanks tigerlily - that's exactly what I meant. It's not ignorance, or language, it's - well - cultural!!

tigerlilygrr Thu 18-Jul-13 10:01:16

walkacrossthesand I know exactly what you mean. I face lived in Asia and worked in the Middle East and there is a culture there of face saving and not admitting / drawing attention to lack of knowledge. In japanese schools it's a common problem- children won't tell the teacher they don't understand.

coffeeinbed Thu 18-Jul-13 09:54:50

My DH does it.
Makes me murderous and inclined to convert him to exDH.

Imnotscareditsonlytheinternet Thu 18-Jul-13 09:43:19

Walka - thats not 'cultural' thats ignorance. Or lack of understanding of a language? not 'cultural'

And OP my ex used to do the same, one of the many reasons he is my ex.

Walkacrossthesand Thu 18-Jul-13 09:31:30

imnotscared the cultural bit is not wanting to admit you don't get it /don't know - I've observed it too. Makes it difficult when you (eg) ask directions in some countries, the person doesnt want to say they don't know do they'll give you completely random directions.
Back to the OP - how about when he asks something you fix him with a beady stare and say 'do you promise not to go off and ask someone else if I tell you?'. If he persists despite this, then you switch to refusing to tell him as its a waste of your time and breath, and cite those specific instances.

Imnotscareditsonlytheinternet Thu 18-Jul-13 09:23:21

Mummytime what has 'not getting it the first time' got to do with culture or background?

WithASpider Thu 18-Jul-13 09:17:43

DH used to check the internet every time i told him something. He doesn't any more and we get on much better as a result.

rumbelina Thu 18-Jul-13 09:15:48

To DH I mean. I don't ask other people but I will often check myself. Control freak tendencies y'see

rumbelina Thu 18-Jul-13 09:15:03

My DS aged 2.5 does this. DH doesn't but I probably do sometimes :-(

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Thu 18-Jul-13 08:48:37

I did this at first. DW cured me of it PDQ.

Really loudly and in public.

mummytime Thu 18-Jul-13 08:46:47

Is he a bit deaf? Taking him for a hearing test just to check.

Does he have "issues"? The only person I knew like that was an Indian student, who used to ask someone how to do something, say "Okay I get it" and then go and ask someone else. After asking 5 people he understood enough to get on with it. He had problems with admitting he didn't get something first time - I think it was cultural or something to do with his background.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher Thu 18-Jul-13 08:37:23

Actually I know a couple of WOMEN who do this, but no men who do.

So the answer to your question, OP, is a big fat NO.

scallopsrgreat Wed 17-Jul-13 21:40:19

My Dad used to do this to my Mum. It drove her mad. They are divorced. There is a link.

thatstripedthing Wed 17-Jul-13 21:34:36

Oh yes. But h is exh now. I never thought I had the right to get pissed off about it but once couldn't hold it in. Best thing I ever did. Changed the relationship dynamic completely

Vivacia Wed 17-Jul-13 21:26:38

I just don't bother reply now.

Vivacia Wed 17-Jul-13 21:26:28

I was going to say just what Sondosia wrote. No way does my partner do this (or me to him) but I have a colleague who does it.

Lweji Wed 17-Jul-13 21:13:22

I'd be mightily pissed off.
ExH had a bit of a habit of doing this.

Are you sure this is the only issue with him?

And maybe you should start giving him the wrong answers, as he doesn't believe you anyway.

Sondosia Wed 17-Jul-13 20:43:33

Not all men do this, but one of my male colleagues does - it drives me mad. He's also the only colleague I've encountered during my career who's made sexist comments towards me. I can't speak for your husband obviously, but in the case of my colleague I think there is a link between that and his perception of women in general.

welshharpy Wed 17-Jul-13 20:43:00

thenightsky, you did make me laugh, that is exactly what it's like!!! God men can be such pricks and love proving it x

welshharpy Wed 17-Jul-13 20:41:26

Thanks guys, yep I have told him to stop asking me this and that and he basically says I am over-reacting and doesnt mean anything by it. Will definately tackle him when it happens the next time (won't be too long!). I just don't understand, I am beginning to doubt my own opinions lately and that just shouldnt be the case. Thanks again for your answers x

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