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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Dp not returned home

41 replies

SpaceKoala · 12/07/2013 22:40

Hi,
Really not sure where to start but am worried sick and don't know what to do.
Dp has some mental health issues and attends a group on Friday afternoons. It's a charity thing for people with similar issues.
He sometimes goes for a beer after the group but is usually back by 7
He normally calls to let me know he will do so.
Today however he did not call until after 8. We have two under threes and a dog at home. And I was very upset with him for not calling to at least let me know.
He is a bit of a hypochondriac (sp?) and now says he is going through male menopause and says he feels depressed.
We ended up having several short conversation ending in an argument and me throwing the phone down.
Phone is now switched off.
No clue where he is
No clue if he is ok
Must be rather drunk by now
He left his mates in other pub I think, and haven't got there numbers to call in any case
Dog needed walking and children sleeping so ended up installing baby monitor app and walked dog up and down the street.
Never left them alone like that before, but couldn't see another way. Children were fast asleep and could have been back in two minutes max. Was that a bad decision?
And now what do I do? Wait? Call someone?
Am still very upset but also worried.
He is being an absolute bastard and I won't let this go but now I want him home safe and can deal with rest later
What do I do??

OP posts:

Report

Bullets · 12/07/2013 22:42

Space you must be so worried. Have you rung police?

SpaceKoala · 12/07/2013 22:51

No not called police
Worried about social services
We live in a flat and upstairs neighbour called them last year so we have a record.
Case was dropped as no grounds for complaint, she called because children cried! They don't cry a lot at all! Don't want them my case again.
Really don't know what to do

OP posts:

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 12/07/2013 22:51

If you ar worried he may harm himself then call the police 101 I guess.

Otherwise, I would try and go to sleep, or call a RL friend for support.

I hope you get some piece of news very soon.

SpaceKoala · 12/07/2013 22:52

Stopped smoking month ago and now had ciggy..

OP posts:

CookieDoughKid · 12/07/2013 22:53

Simply put, your DH is being a selfish arrogant twat. He is probably drunk. He doesn't want to be 'pigeoned' by his wife and being told 'what to do' and is thus acting out defiantly (hence the non contactable bit). And that's from a male perspective btw.

CookieDoughKid · 12/07/2013 22:57

My DH used to do that to me. I switched off my phone and locked the door from the inside so DH couldn't get in!! Glad to say DH doesn't do that kind of thing anymore as he's grown up a lot but seriously, it's immature behaviour and he should be called up on it when you see him next! Try and relax, go to sleep and decide in the morning how you want to put him in the dog house play this.

InTheRedCorner · 12/07/2013 22:59

Do you fear for his safety in regards t his mental health? Do you have any idea where he might be?

What's done is done in regards to walking the dog, how times have changed - baby monitor app

SpaceKoala · 12/07/2013 23:00

Thanks for comments..
Cookie hope you are right
Not impressed by it and won't let it go but would be happy if its that if that makes sense
If not back by morning will call police
Hope won't come to that

OP posts:

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 12/07/2013 23:02

It's an awful feeling isn't it. My DH blows off steam like this every once in a while. But I don't think you need to worry about social services, your DH going out on the town and leaving the DCs in your capable hands is not putting them at risk.

Do try not to leave the kids in the flat... Hopefully now that the dog has had its walk it can last until morning? I don't have a dog but I can't see what choice you had to be honest. Let it piddle/poop in the kitchen? On a newspaper? No idea... You are between a rock and a hard place.

There's nothing to lose by calling 101...

Your upstairs neighbour sounds like a twat.

SpaceKoala · 12/07/2013 23:03

Am bit worried about mental health but he tends to over dramatise small things so don't think he would actually do something to hurt himself
Not 100% sure though

OP posts:

InTheRedCorner · 12/07/2013 23:05

Put a call into 101 so they have your contact details and then go to bed.

Nothing worse than lack of sleep when you need to make important decisions.

CookieDoughKid · 12/07/2013 23:06

Yeah, don't worry about it. Get some sleep. I showed DH your post and he laughed. It's such a bloke thing to do.

SpaceKoala · 12/07/2013 23:08

If I would have known he wanted to go to pub then would have taken dog out before they went to sleep. In pyjamas so would have fallen asleep in buggy.
The app was good though
Wasn't further then 2 minutes from being back at their bed.
Now dog can wait until the morning
Phone still off

OP posts:

SpaceKoala · 12/07/2013 23:09

Hearts and cookie- sorry to hear you have been in similar situation
Really don't understand how he can be so selfish!

OP posts:

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 12/07/2013 23:10

Good luck. Sleep well.

SpaceKoala · 12/07/2013 23:11

Ok will try and get some sleep
Will be up again early with toddlers
Will update then
Thanks all
I do feel a bit calmer now

OP posts:

Pancakeflipper · 12/07/2013 23:13

Try to get some rest. You need to feel bright and on the ball for tomorrow ( when you give him a few choice words for leaving you to worry).

Think the 101 call is a good idea due to their mental health issues.

Hope he appears soon.

tallwivglasses · 12/07/2013 23:22

Yes, been there too. You'd have heard if something was wrong, he's just being a dick. Look after yourself x

tallwivglasses · 12/07/2013 23:23

And no more ciggies!

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 12/07/2013 23:24

Just wanted to throw my hand out for you to hold. Hope you get some rest x

SpaceKoala · 13/07/2013 03:16

Thanks all... Had some sleep until toddler woke. Still no sign of dp.
Called 101 and police came by already. They took some more details and have pictures and will put alerts out.
Will now try and sleep a few more hours.
Thanks all for the support.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 13/07/2013 03:28

Wow, the police were on the ball, which is reassuring for you.

Hope he turns up soon so you can take the decision of whether to punch him out or hug him to death

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Secretswitch · 13/07/2013 03:29

Hi SpaceKoala, just wanted to say I'm thinking about you. What a frightful situation to be in. I'm glad you notified the police. Hopefully, your dh will be home safely soon.

thornrose · 13/07/2013 03:29

Still no sign, wow! For what it's worth I've seen lots of similar posts here over the years, the " missing person" has always reappeared safely, generally with a shady excuse!

Hope you get back to sleep soon.

DfanjoUnchained · 13/07/2013 06:45

Is he back?

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