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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I feel like everything is falling apart :(

5 replies

throughgrittedteeth · 10/07/2013 21:04

I posted the other day about my relationship with DP. We had become more like friends and I wasn't sure if I loved him, have been feeling this way for a while etc etc
Last night we finally had time to talk and (through many tears) we decided a break would be good. I would stay at my mums and he would stay at the house.
My DM already knew something was wrong so it wasn't a surprise for her.
So tonight I'm sitting with her and my step dad and whilst I'm mning/texting my best friend she keeps looking over my shoulder and asking me what I'm doing, who I'm talking to etc. Over and over. Eventually I ask her why she keeps asking and she basically said she suspects I'm having an affair Sad. She then pauses for a minute then and continues with 'mmmm well, it is typical of [mine/Dfathers surname]'s' (my DF had an affair 25 years ago when they were married, they got divorced, both remarried)
I got very upset and told her she was mean and asked her if she realise how nasty that was to say. The more I thought about it the more upset I got. All I needed was some support and an non-judgmental bed to sleep in.
I ended up gathering my things and storming out. I feel gutted, she has form for this and has thrown mistakes I've made back at me before but this really takes the biscuit.
I'm now on a bus back to mine and DPs house to sleep on the sofa. I feel so lonely and let down. Sad

Sorry this was so long and fir any ramblings I just needed to let it out.

OP posts:
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CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/07/2013 21:08

Wow... is she always that thick or does she have to take classes? Hmm Clearly, mum's is not the bolt-hole you were looking for. Would your best friend host you for a few nights?

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AWarmFuzzyFuture · 10/07/2013 21:15

Aww love. Maybe she needed to have a reason, because in her world view, relationships just don't end/run out of steam, there has to be a reason/another person involved.

I know she has hurt you but I think that from what you've said maybe your actions (texting/mning) made her wrongly suspicious and due to her experience of her marriage break up...two plus two equals five.

((hugs))

x

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shootfromthehip · 10/07/2013 21:19

People always search for meaning in something that they don't like/ can't understand/ wish was different. If she has had experience of this happening to her, it is only natural that she assumes it 's the same for you. Forget about it- it says more about her than it does you. Old insecurities are the most difficult to shift. She will feel worse about this than you do, trust me.

Good luck with your plans/ future... I am in a similar position and it's not a nice place to be xx

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throughgrittedteeth · 10/07/2013 21:33

Thank you all. MNers are all babes. My best friend lives with her parents so unfortunately there is no room there. My step dad, who is a lovely man, has text me apologising and asking me to come back. He says that DM has had too much wine (she does have some issues with booze). I think space from her now overrides space from DP.
I'm working tomorrow, Friday and all weekend now so I will have a break from it all.
Thank you again for reading and replying. Just letting it out has already helped. xx

OP posts:
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FeegleFion · 10/07/2013 21:46

I would have said it sounds like she was worried that you were involved in something that might cause you pain until she threw in the comment about your family (with your surname) having form for it.

Are you sure you and DP aren't just having a rough patch? You sometimes need to dig your heels in if it's a rough patch but obviously that's only if you both want to work through it.

I hope you get a decent sleep on the sofa if you're working. The last thing you need is to be knackered too.

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