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I just grrrrr :-(

(35 Posts)
mebe705 Thu 04-Jul-13 15:11:51

I just wake up

sad its been such long time
I was so blind stupid naive

I loved somebody

I feel so ashamed
how culd I sleep that long

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 07-Jul-13 08:50:12

You really need some outside help to enable you to see that being the victim of an abusive relationship doesn't make you irresponsible. Womens Aid can be reached on 0808 2000 247 and their website is here. If you're still in the abusive relationship and need help getting out they can help you. If you're out of the abusive relationship there is different help available.

It's not 'just a life'... it's a very precious and unique life and you deserve happiness.

mebe705 Sun 07-Jul-13 07:06:56

yes well I guess we ok
just a life

it just made me sad how could I bee so irresponsible

Latara Sat 06-Jul-13 10:32:20

Ok. Are you having investigations and is the baby ok now?
Your partner sounds like a waste of space.
And the neighbour shouldn't get involved.

mebe705 Sat 06-Jul-13 10:20:30

Latara hopefully not

mebe705 Sat 06-Jul-13 10:16:42

but I wake up when he
started shouting on the front of my neighbours

than he will look me up

I said something to him
I dared to say
that is that the way all women in his familly are so bad
his stories haw bad they are
that they drink spend money on drugs
dont care of their kids
(and the kids are well cared of esspecialy one)

It totally wake me up

But I truelly feel so ashamed of my self

that I was so blind

Latara Sat 06-Jul-13 10:06:56

Do you have cancer? Hope you are going to be ok?

mebe705 Sat 06-Jul-13 10:00:45

I met his neighbour

she has seen us arguing once

she sugested
I have cancer
she sugested Im such bad mum and he is such
wondrfull dad
she sugested Im the drinking one

whe she said that day after first surgery I went out
to pub
I culd not stop crying

mebe705 Sat 06-Jul-13 09:48:57

and then the real "fun"
started

It was all my foult

"I could not push
I did not wash properly
he laughed at everything
I tought I die he
laugh
I was in pain he laugh

he told me Im such ungratefull ba**d
that he had done all he could

Hissy Sat 06-Jul-13 09:40:26

Dear god, are you ok? When was this?

mebe705 Sat 06-Jul-13 09:39:42

well "illness"

baby was at risk I was at risk
they had to save baby and they did
it went worst for me

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Sat 06-Jul-13 09:36:57

OP - it does not sound like anything was your choice I hat you describe.

It does sound like you are in an abusive relationship and have been massively let down by your partner.

Is the anyone you can talk to in real life?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 06-Jul-13 09:34:58

So has this person left your life now? Did your baby survive?

mebe705 Sat 06-Jul-13 09:29:31

oh IRL no I did not

I stood up cos I could not have abortion I just could not do it

ever since it was so bad
I got dissapinted cos ever since
I told him I can not do it

he put me trough hell
scaring me about the familly history death
Verbal abuse I was everything
like everthing

starting from psycho crazy nutter ending with f***g
a**s

I was terrifield about the baby

I needed his help when I was in labour
he was to busy
he was having fun watching footbool game having drink
when I phone the h they said to me to to wait phone bck
it went so fast after that and so very wrong
Their excuse was I was to relax on the phone

He culd just help me with the phone call
but he was not there

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 06-Jul-13 08:24:24

In Real Life... IRL

Sorry, I'm having some difficulty working out what's gone on here exactly. You needed him for something and, rather than help you, he stopped you using the phone? What do you mean by 'my illness and the damage'?

mebe705 Sat 06-Jul-13 08:17:27

there was a chance that nothing of that could happen

in moment I neded him the most
he could just take phone from my hand

there was a chance to avoid it
well but you can not expect help from somebody who do not want to help you
and in result of that

my illness and the damage

IRL ?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 06-Jul-13 08:09:37

Does 'puted my feet down' & going against his will mean you stood up to him? Does 'I got disappointed' mean he attacked you? Or does it mean you're upset that it ended the relationship?

mebe705 Sat 06-Jul-13 08:01:47

well Im ok
I have to be

and Im ressponsible
my illnes
something went very wrong durring normal event
and the consequences

but like I wrote It was my choice
I went against his will
puted my feet down and ....
I got dissapointed

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 06-Jul-13 07:54:20

Unfortunately, there are some very inadequate, horrible people who can only make themselves feel good by making others suffer. Unluckily, they don't walk around wearing 'I am a cruel bastard' t-shirts, and some of them can appear to be very nice and normal on the surface. If you're a kind person yourself, you won't see it immediately.

Have you spoken to anyone about your experience IRL? Are you getting any help or advice?

mebe705 Sat 06-Jul-13 07:44:59

there were just words
a lot of humililation
but the worst

scary even
that stupid feeling
that he enjoyed me suffer

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 06-Jul-13 07:43:00

No-one is responsible for their illness. Only for doing what they can to improve their health e.g. seeking and following medical advice. You may have had choices during this abusive relationship but anyone who has experience of these things knows how persuasive abusers can be and how quickly a victim can feel trapped. Some women never 'wake up' let alone find the courage to finish it.

Are you getting any help with this?

mebe705 Sat 06-Jul-13 07:34:22

well I kind of was resposible for my illness
I had choice

and I could not do it
and the consequences
.....

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 06-Jul-13 07:33:40

All kinds of women are abused by their partners, sadly. Makes no difference if they are academically gifted or have learning difficulties. Anyone can find themselves a victim. Have you talked to anyone about your experience? Have you asked for help?

mebe705 Sat 06-Jul-13 07:29:18

buu I do have problem
Ive got learning diffculties

allways have

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 06-Jul-13 07:20:32

What you're describing is an abusive (cruel) relationship. That doesn't make you stupid, naive or blind. It more usually means that you were manipulated into tolerating the intolerable. Maybe you didn't think you had alternatives? How is someone abusing you your fault?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 06-Jul-13 07:17:26

What was your fault? Being ill?

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