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I've Reported My Abusers

(44 Posts)
samsungsing Sun 30-Jun-13 15:14:41

I've finally done it.

It was eating me up inside.

How could I continue to live my life angry at people who seemed to be skipping along in life, while my memories blackened my mind, my outlook and my life endlessly.

My dad is on his death bed. He and his family were cut out of my life. I finally met him 3 years ago and he is about to die. My mother knew where he lived - she even remembered the telephone number and address, but lied and said that she didn't know any information. His family are all university educated, married, home owners - etc. My mothers family are all alcoholics, druggies, abusers, neglectors, abandoners, lower class benefit professors - etc. I was robbed of a functional family. This has spurred me on to report all of the bastards, inclusive of her.

May sound bitter, but bitter I am. The only one in my family to speak out about the emotional, physical, sexual abuse, neglect and continuous abandonment. I am the black sheep for speaking/acting out and the black sheep I shall continue to be for taking a stand. I am nothing like them.

It is not alright that my mother contacts me to share how her and her brother reminisced about the past with a smile and a laugh. A smile and a laugh about a conversation her brother had with their father on his recent birthday. The very same father that abused them all sexually and neglected them to the point whereby their neglect and abuse filtered through to the lives of their own children. It is also not right that my mother contacts me to tell me about her mother - the very same mother who ran off and left her kids to be sexually abused and neglected, while she shacked up with a new man in another town. I don’t want to know, nor be associated with these kinds of people.

This lack of foresight; this lack of logic. This lack of a culpable brain is making my fucking brain melt and I can no longer pretend that everything is alright with continuing contact with my mother. If I continue a relationship with her, I am welcoming my main abuser into my life and home. I can no longer be a hypocrite. Everyone of them has to be subject to the same level of hatred, across the board.

The members of my ex-family who accept their abuse and continue to entwine themselves in that cesspit of a family continually attack me, any which way they can. The death threats don't phase me at all. I guess I can thank my coping mechanisms for that.

I refuse to welcome people who abuse and neglect other people. I also refuse to welcome people who turn a blind eye to such abuse. I also refuse to welcome people who try to patch up/cover up said abuse.

In my minds eye, their necks have been slit and they are already dead - to me that is. My mind is an extremely noir place to be.

I dont post much, so I guess just getting it out there helps.

P.S. You can make a report of historical sexual/physical/emotional abuse and/or neglect via NSPCC. They will forward your report onto the police, who will then contact you to take it further - that is if you wish to.

jimijack Sun 30-Jun-13 15:20:26

What happens now Sam?

Hissy Sun 30-Jun-13 15:23:20

That was very brave and honest of you samsungsing. How do you feel now?

Living truthfully is so liberating.

Slothlorien Sun 30-Jun-13 15:36:04

You are BRAVE not bitter. I have been where u are, it isn't an easy road, but u get to the stage that the truth is the only way forward. U will find strength and self respect that y didn't know existed for yourself. Things that helps me most was getting free counselling from tape crisis, don't be put off by the name they are brilliant and they know exactly what you are talking about. Surround yourself with people who are in your army and make u feel stronger. Read 'the courage to heal' (google). You are amazing. Good luck.

Slothlorien Sun 30-Jun-13 15:36:39

Oops I mean rape crisis not tape! Sorry!

samsungsing Sun 30-Jun-13 15:37:20

Jim - the NSPCC will forward info to the police. They will visit me and take a statement. At my request, they will interview everyone accused.

Hissy - I dont know how I feel at the moment. It could be due to a rush of all kinds emotions at once.

I just want to leave them devastated - as they have done to me. I want their hearts and souls shattered.

samsungsing Sun 30-Jun-13 15:39:37

Thanks Sloth.

Yep I see a professional once a week. Without her help and expertise, I would have been dead by now.

Thanks for the details. I will check them out.

Many thanks all.

samsungsing Sun 30-Jun-13 16:54:23

Wow... Well had an off the cuff talk with 'the woman who opened her legs to let me out' about my childhood just now and she is denying everything. She has obviously spoken to someone regarding this and now has changed her tune, forgotten relevant information (given to her only 2 weeks ago) and is siding with her version of events - even though she cant remember me reporting abuse to her over a 10 year span hmm

A pattern that I have noticed with her her behaviour over the years.

In my report, I have suggested and urged that her mental state is looked over, as there are serious red flags. Plus - as she is in contact with small children, things have to be looked into quite speedily.

I shall update when an outcome has been obtained.

Hissy Sun 30-Jun-13 21:11:52

The outcome will take time, you'll need to talk through your feelings in thé meantime.

Fwiw, abusive, even plain old neglectful parents change history to make sure they come out smelling of roses, and we end up looking flaky, psychotic, or bitter and twisted.

Don't expect any of them to be all 'hands up' we're sorry etc. Expect they'll deny, deny, denying.

If they were decent, upstanding people, they wouldn't have abused you in the first place, would they?

Hang in there, you are doing the right thing.

samsungsing Sun 30-Jun-13 22:09:34

Hissy

Many thanks for your wise words.

I will take your words and hang in there.

I meet with my psychiatrist tomorrow who will no doubt congratulate me for finally taking action.

It does feel good to actually be able to consider myself free from her and her family's clutches.

Wait... is that joy I feel? Lucifer's labia, I actually feel a sliver of happiness... it's been so long.

Shellywelly1973 Sun 30-Jun-13 22:44:43

Well done Op, your incredibly brave. Take care of yourself.

thepixiefrog Sun 30-Jun-13 23:22:53

Well done.x

Bedtime1 Mon 01-Jul-13 04:00:32

Samsung- I really admire your strength. I know what emotional abuse does as ha this for years. Your situation sounds worse than mine so I take my hat off to you. Keep strong and keep seeing your counsellor.
Remember it isn't you it's them who are dysfunctional. Good that you are seeing a counsellor to process things. I think I will have to go back to one. Which type of Counselling are you having? What's best for helping overcome abuse from toxic parents / family.

GlitteryShitandDanglyBaubles Mon 01-Jul-13 10:34:48

I don't know what to say.

You are amazing, OP.

Bakingnovice Mon 01-Jul-13 10:40:29

Well done Sam. You are very very brave. And we all here rooting for you. Walking by your side. You are not alone.

NothingsLeft Mon 01-Jul-13 11:39:34

Well done. I admire your strength. You have done the right thing. All abusers should be accountable IMO.

Stay strong smile

Slothlorien Mon 01-Jul-13 14:01:27

Anger is the backbone of healing. Keep strong! You deserve to be happy and proud.

yamsareyammy Mon 01-Jul-13 14:13:45

You are at the angry stage right now.
I should imagine that there are a lot of stages to go through with all of this.
I would say, meanwhile, to not stop thinking about your dad at this time thanks

samsungsing Mon 01-Jul-13 17:33:36

Thank you all for your kind words. I really appreciate (and do take on board) those words.

Bedtime1 I am seeing a qualified psychiatrist, who specialises in traumatic childhoods. She diagnosed me (correctly with PTSD) and has worked in this specific field for well over 15 years. A diamond. She is unfortunately leaving the service next week sad. I am not sure on the protocol of supplying names on this website.

She has given me the task (of course with her guidance) of choosing what kind of therapy I would like to continue with after her departure. I have no clue there, so will have to research on the net before our next meeting.

yams Yes. I continue to think about my dad and that is what is making my anger worse. I do not misplace anger, so am not taking it out on anyone in my household. It just burns me up inside. I guess that is the problem - I internalise things so much that it poisons my insides a shade of black. I guess the anger will pass given time.

Thanks again everyone thanks

samsungsing Sat 20-Jul-13 21:26:33

More and more threats of being attacked physically by siblings, cousins. Apparently I am an "evil bitch" for reporting my mother, as she is the only person who stuck around to raise me.

1. She didnt raise me, I just grew up in her house. She hardly had all 4 kids in her house at any one time. We were shipped out to various abusive people. She rode multiple cocks whilst her kids ran wild and untamed, going without necessities, love and care.
2. She blocked my father's side from having anything to do with me - she herself has confirmed this and so have they. They wanted to be involved but were blocked by her.
3. She lied and said she didnt know where my dad was. I pestered her so much (when I was 16) that she had one of her psychotic outbursts and wrote down a number and address. It was my great aunts address and number. My dad had left her house 3 weeks prior (to me calling) and moved back to Jamaica. The details had not changed in 16 years. Bitch

I am going full force ahead with the case. This does mean that I do have to move, potentially out of town (for the sake of my kids), but it will be worth it in the long run. Justice and acknowledgement is all I seek from this - not money. I have known from a very young age that we were not being raised correctly. The saddest thing is that the other siblings are in denial as to what happened. They don't remember a thing.

I think your really brave and i'd like to say well done

wishing you the best of luck with your new life away from these evil people

samsungsing Sat 20-Jul-13 21:53:14

Many thanks whiteandyellowiris

I knew it was going to be tough. I had been warned. I have also been warned about nothing coming of my allegations. I mean, with others who are blatantly lying/don't remember, I don't stand much of a chance do I?

At least I will have tried. That is all that matters.

yeah and at least you've let it all out, and not kept it all inside eating you up anymore

and thhats a big thingsmile
really well done
smile
pleased for you

hopefully this will be a new start for you xx

CailinDana Sat 20-Jul-13 22:01:48

On a practical note it would be good to keep a record of any threats so you can show the police.

Very good luck to you.

emmelinelucas Sat 20-Jul-13 22:09:54

I reported my abuser about 5 years ago now. it all happened 40 years ago and the Detective assigned to me was fantastic. My abuser finally confessed, and got bugger-all, but that wasn't the point.
I can't say that much has changed in the family.
He is still allowed access (alone) to their children.
I wish you well, OP.
x

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