My previous thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1780671-Advice-needed-from-you-O-Wise-Ones-Invited-to-estranged-sisters-wedding-do-I-go-and-risk-a-massive-family-row. Many thanks to all who contributed to that thread.
I have mentally and physically decided to cut off from my parents and siblings. The mental part is key to me as I have been waiting for most of my life to loved and accepted by them but it's not going to happen.
I have tried and failed to tell them how I felt, hoping they would tell me it's all been a mistake but I WAS scapegoated, made to feel like I was crazy, nasty, inferior, shameful and I have been carrying that all my life until now at 41 years of age when I feel like I can finally shrug it all off! I cannot convey how much it has damaged my life .
It's early days but I am already feeling less anxiety in general amazingly! I have been in hell and it's taken me a long time to accept that my family are the problem NOT me. I feel very sad that's come to this and always will but I need to cut off so I can find ME.
I remembered this morning when I 'disclosed' to my mother that I had been sexually abused earlier this year. Her immediate response was 'No way, not one of MY kids, it was probably that 16 year old who used to babysit, you know I had to work 3 jobs to feed you all, do you think you can get over it now?' It was all about HER, she never asked what happened, how I felt etc. It was not the babysitter, it was someone much closer to home. After all this was the woman who strangled me almost to unconciousness at the age of 13 when I told her that I wished my dad had taken me with him when he left, so what on earth did I expect?
As sad as it is, I never had a loving, caring mother or father. He fucked off when I was 7, told me I needed professional help when I met him again at the age of 38 when I asked him why he left me with her (I have and it was through my counsellor that I saw how crazy THEY were). I now know that the way I feel about my DCs and how much I care for and love them, means that I will NOT be repeating the cycle.
Ahhh, finally relief . Anyone else been though something similar?
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OMG I feel so much better already - cutting off family.
21 replies
Lionessy · 21/06/2013 12:25
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