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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

How soon into a new relationship did you introduce them to the children?

15 replies

Discomama · 21/06/2013 06:47

That's it really, I have a new relationship and at the moment it is long distance so I rarely get to see him as I have the kids when I'm home from work (I work abroad but only a few days a month) so what is a reasonable amount of time before I introduce him to the kids? He's dead keen to meet them, even if its just to have nice days out all of us with no naughtiness between the two of us!

OP posts:

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Mb2013 · 21/06/2013 07:11

From personal experience I would leave it as long as you can and make sure it's something that's going to last .
My 3 met my boyfriend after about 4 months and now after 7 months Its gone tits up and they are upset .
Next time round they will not meet anyone for a very long time .

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sweetpeasunday · 21/06/2013 07:18

Agree, I also had a long distance r/s and no childcare, so he met dc almost immediately. Once they are in dc lifes, it is much harder to end it because you do not want them to lose the person they have become attached to. I would not do that again.

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Hissy · 21/06/2013 07:43

How long have you been seeing him?

He's DEAD KEEN to meet them? That's not his shout! He's not the one who makes/influences that decision.

Careful.

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MirandaWest · 21/06/2013 07:48

I introduced my bf to my DC after we'd been seeing each other about 6 months. They knew about him sooner than that (can't remember quite when).

I agree that it's up to you when everyone meets - obviously if he didn't want to then you should respect that but this shouldn't be something where he calls the shots.

How long have you been seeing him and how old are your DC?

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secondchances · 21/06/2013 07:48

Hissy - I don't think the op meant it as he was calling the shots or making the choices I think she meant that he was happy and keen to meet the kids in order to take things to the next level and reassure her that he understands she has children.

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Numberlock · 21/06/2013 07:56

I'm with Hissy - why so keen, what's the rush?.

Itt depends on age of children and how he's introduced. But as it's still being described as a new relationship, it's too soon for family days out.

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Discomama · 21/06/2013 10:40

secondchances that's exactly what I meant! Just being nosey really, I don't want anyone in their lives who is likely to disappear and leave them hanging, the same with my DH and his new GF. He is keen to meet them but that won't rush me into anything. Thanks for the replies

OP posts:

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lemonstartree · 21/06/2013 10:56

mine met my BF too soon really - after about 2 months. this was because they were with me 24/7 - now almost 3 years later we live together so it worked out fine, but it might not have

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AnythingNotEverything · 21/06/2013 11:05

My so was 7, his dad and I had been separated about 8 months, and they met after we'd been going out about 4/5 months. DS knew about him from about 3 months though.

Once they've met them you can't undo it so tread carefully!

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Fraxinus · 21/06/2013 11:18

I am just becoming aware of this as a problem..... I am recently separated from my kids dad, and was not looking for another relationship at all. I did meet an ex lover recently, though, and we still have feelings for each other..... But he is saying it was so painful for him in a previous relationship with a mother, when they broke up he could no longer see the kids any more, that he can't think of us having a serious relationship.

I am gutted as he is so many of the things my ex is not, but I am also grateful for the insight. and I am so not ready. But still painful, as we have loads in common, and would make a far better match than my ex. thank you all for confirming him as correct. . . . I will not argue with him about it.

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Numberlock · 21/06/2013 11:42

Depending how much child-free time you get, can you not just enjoy the relationship on those terms?

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sweetpeasunday · 21/06/2013 12:09

I don't want anyone in their lives who is likely to disappear and leave them hanging<

That is only one side of the coin. Once dcs get attached to him, it also becomes harder for you to end it, and it also means that he can use them to manipulate you (yes, I know this is far from your thoughts and probably won't happen, but it was my experience). But, as I recognise I may not be objective, I will bow out.

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CatInWellies · 21/06/2013 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 21/06/2013 12:13

Very soon, by coincidence, but just as a friend. One of.

Contact was also fairly limited, maybe once a month or less.

But I do think it helps to assess certain things that only come about through contact.
And it did help me make the decision to break up.

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Discomama · 21/06/2013 12:37

Thanks all, I am very aware of all sides of the coin having had divorced parents myself - my mum met someone and married them within 6 months and my dad within a year, both subsequently divorced sharpish! As I work abroad, when i am home I have the kids except for one night in the week so it's tricky! We'll have to play it by ear I think, trying to scratch around for babysitters isn't easy!