Name change --- bare with me its a long one
My daughter has just turned 18, she has a boyfriend of 22. I didn't know his 'real' age until she had turned 18 by then they had been with each other around 5 months. Its about 7 months in now.
I had trouble getting my head around how old he was as I felt it was too old for 17/22 but I kept my mouth shut as she was 18 by the time I found out.
As far as I know things have been good between them, she has spent the weekend visiting his mother recently to meet her and she seemed very happy. They were due to go again this Friday for the weekend. Its a 2 hour train ride.
My DD BF is going to Ibiza to work for six weeks at the end of this month, originally it was for the whole summer but has shortened it to six weeks because he will miss DD. She is flying out to visit him in July.
He has given up his apartment share and is just crashing at his friends till he leaves.
Today my daughter came home from work, which she is doing very well at. She was ill and looked terrible. Id not seen her for a couple of days as she had been with BF. So she let me pamper her for a while and fell asleep on couch.
BF rang and asked her to go and see him, she explained that she was ill and was going to spend some time with me ( I nearly fell of chair at this point, she must really be ill and feeling sorry for her self)
He said he really wanted to see her, she said she was too tired ( it would take an hour bus ride to meet him) He asked if he could come here and sleep. She said ''no'' as I wouldn't like it, at this point he told her that she was being unfair, she didn't care about him, he feels like a spare part, that he was going to his mothers tonight and that she wasn't allowed to go Friday and she wouldn't see him till he got back from Ibiza. I could hear his raised voice on the phone.
She left the room rang him up and could hear her getting upset on the phone. She came back in the room, she had been crying. She said that it was sorted he wasn't going and she was meeting him next day.
Next min he is on bloody phone again, starts whole palava again,she ends up practically begging him to go and see him, him refusing her of course till he decides she can go up after all.
So she drags her self up and gets her stuff ready, i talked to her about how she was feeling, she assured me she was fine, she didn't know how bad he felt, not to worry.
She looked like a lost soul when she left the house.
I genuinely don't know what to do, i don't want her to not feel she can talk to me yet i don't want to sit back as i think he sound manipulative and she is too young for all this crap.
OR am I blowing this out of proportion
Good advice muchly appreciated
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Relationships
to think this is a red flag concerning my daughters boyfriend.
dontgowadingin · 12/06/2013 22:06
She needs to get away from him: the sooner the better.
You are not blowing it out of proportion 
Enormous emotional abuse red flag. Not sure how you're going to be able to influence your DD, though - it may be that the best you can do is be there for her when it all falls apart. 
I think she would tell me if they had been arguing, i asked her what the relationship was like normally, she said it was good, just him being upset on this occasion 
He also text her best friend last week and had a go at her for trying to manipulate DD! I did tell DD he was out of order for that.
I cant tell her dad he would go in all guns blazing
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