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DH kicked me, wtaf do I do now?

(60 Posts)
TotallyKerplunked Thu 23-May-13 23:00:07

DH kicked me while I was carrying DS, I fell and dropped DS (he is fine but I'm pretty sure my ankle is broken as I've broken it before).

DH flipped because I went to the shop while he and DS were napping and when I came back and found them both awake I said please don't sulk. t's not been great for a while but I would never think he would do that, he adores DS and I wouldn't believe he could do something so stupid that could have really hurt him.

I don't know what to do, I've told DH to leave and he has gone to his parents but he didn't take any of his stuff so I can only assume he will want to come back tomorrow. I haven't contacted the police, I don't want to jeopardise his job and as I'm a SAHM I rely on his income.

Can men change after a violent outburst? Is there any coming back from this? We have been together 7 years and its the first time he has even shouted at me let alone been violent.

chipmonkey Thu 23-May-13 23:40:47

You poor thing! Go to the police and go to the hospital for treatment and tell them how it happened.
He risked the life of your child. Your baby could easily have been injured and your H had no regard for your safety when he did that.
His job is really the least of your worries, there is help out there. Don't take him back, he will do it again.

TotallyKerplunked Thu 23-May-13 23:44:02

Thanks all. I've got a friend on there way to look after DS but it will be a while til they get here and then I can go to the hospital - seriously need my ankle looked at as it fucking kills. It's good to know I can report it to the police without it automatically going further as well.

Noregrets78 Thu 23-May-13 23:45:53

Well done, I'm really impressed that you've sorted it so you can go to the hospital, so many sit and do nothing. Please do find someone there to talk to, tell them how it happened. x

AnyFucker Thu 23-May-13 23:47:01

It's not really possible to "do nothing" about a broken ankle.

PusscatAndTiger4Eva Thu 23-May-13 23:50:33

Surely they will believe you if you have an actual broken ankle?

Call the police. If you don't, go to a&e tomorrow and tell them what happened.

If someone came up to you in the street and kicked your ankle and broke it, what would you do?

skyeskyeskye Thu 23-May-13 23:53:35

Tell the hospital staff the truth about what happened and they may be able to help you. Tell the Police, you need to get this logged.

But if he can do it once and get away with it, he will do it again. And again. And again.

cestlavielife Thu 23-May-13 23:54:40

Whatever has "not been great for a while" well this is the outcome ....keep away from him report to police, maybe he needs help. Maybe it is the real him. Whatever. You need to report how it happened so you can protect you and ds. You need to stay away frm him now.

Protecting him and his job is not your worry right now .

You need to speak to the police to at least get this logged.
I hope you can get to the hospital soon.

It must be a lot to process right now but just try to go through the motions - get the incident logged,get to the hospital,and don't let that bastard through the door tomorrow.

pegwin Thu 23-May-13 23:57:19

TotallyKP firstly sorry this is happening to you sad what a total headfuck.

the first thing that jumped out if your op at me was that he was sulking because you had gone out. why? you seemed to accept this which suggests that he has conditioned you to normslise what is not normal behaviour. he sounds emotionally abusive. and now he has escalated to physical abuse. probably because his sulking was not having the desired effect and you actually had the temerity to expect him to actually do some child care hmm.

even if i am reading too much into your remark, fact remains he kicked you.
on top of that he has left you alone with dc with you needing medical attention and he has done nothing about it.
a genuinely concerned remorse filled person would have sent someone to help you even if it meant them having to admit what they had done.

stuff him. stuff his job. this is literally intolerable. if you let him away with this it gets worse.

you will survive without him and without his income. it might be tough but not as tough as bringing your kids up in an abusive household. although i don't think he will lose his job (in which case CSA) but he should definitely lose his wife over this.

log it with the police. get medical help. (it really is not that big a deal in the longer term if ds loses some sleep so you can go to hospital. call an ambulance)

if you cannot leave h immediately, then start thinking about your options and planning.

you may find some useful links in the emotional abuse support thread as I suspect when you say things have been bad that is the kind of bad it is. they are very friendly they give good advice and lots of support and will hand hold you through this.

no matter how much money h earns it is not worth sweeping this under the carpet for. not for you. not for the dcs.

and if you do leave/ kick him out you are entitled to his financial support without having to accept abuse with it. no matter what he says, he did this to you and to ds. and you are not to blame in anyway.

stay strong. hope ankle is ok. brew ((hug))

Bogeyface Thu 23-May-13 23:59:02

If you dont report this then he will know that you accept him being violent towards you and do it again.

A very good friend of mine had suffered "minor" DV from her husband, until one night he battered her. She had him arrested and he spent 24 hours in the cells. She took him back (why?! I dont know!) but he has never laid a finger on her since.

Lemonies Fri 24-May-13 00:04:48

Sorry he has done this to you Kerplunked,
Report it, for your own and your ds safety.

ColinCaterpillar Fri 24-May-13 00:39:20

Police yes

Do read the links here http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1763123-Support-for-those-in-Emotionally-Abusive-relationships-22

See if alarm bells ring

So sorry this has happened x

Bogeyface Fri 24-May-13 00:43:01
Tortington Fri 24-May-13 01:17:41

i dont understand why he flipped - he flipped becuase you went to the shop?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 24-May-13 01:21:14

Hope you are at hospital getting treatment.

No one in rl will believe me Well already one person does - I am glad your friend was quick to help. Have you family you can contact in the morning? I would tell someone you trust and see just how they respond. Don't be ashamed of or try to minimise your H's vicious outburst, suppose you had banged your head or dropped DS?

Come back to this thread when you are able, it will help you to plan what to do.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Fri 24-May-13 01:45:51

Hi there, how is your ankle?

Please read your OP and imagine its written by someone you really like... Do you see how this lovely woman is not focusing on herself enough for the situation? She has been kicked so hard, her ankle may well be broken - that's a really really big thing to happen. This lovely poor woman isn't taking that in though, she's glad her sob didn't get hurt, and focusing on that, and on her h, but not herself.

OP do you think this is right? Sorry about the pronoun switch... But I don't think you are thinking straight about yourself. That's not in any way an accusation, I totally get why, but it's heartbreaking to read.

In so glad you went to the hospital, well done.

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong Fri 24-May-13 06:58:25

What would you do if a stranger walked up to you in the street and kicked you hard enough to break your ankle and make you drop your child?

What would you do?

Report them to the police and then never cross their path again, no?

Exactly. Be strong, you have MN behind you. You can do this. x

OrangeLily Fri 24-May-13 07:03:15

Oh you poor thing sad please please go to the police. Your son cannot grow up thinking this is acceptable.

I hope you mend well and get police help.

TotallyKerplunked Fri 24-May-13 20:15:50

Sorry I haven't updated earlier but had problems logging in, thanks for all the messages.

Been to hospital and the bone is chipped and damaged the tendon hopefully it will heal quickly. I did tell them how it happened and they were very good. I still cant bring myself to go to the police yet.

DH wants everything to carry on as though it never happened, he was at home when I got back, crying, apologising, he has got his parents to ring to apologise on his behalf so at least he had the balls to tell them what he did. I let him stay for a while for DS sake but told him to leave as soon as DS was in bed. I made him take some stuff so he wont need to appear for the rest of the weekend. I know I need to stop caring about everyone/what they think so i'm going to have some time focusing on just me and DS and see how I like it. I can say that already there is a lot less tension in the house and I feel a lot more relaxed without him here.

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 24-May-13 20:20:43

Space to think and breathe sounds good. Hope your foot feels better soon.

Concreteblonde Fri 24-May-13 20:23:17

I am so sorry OP. but you have been abused. And for your sake and that of your child, you need to report this to the police. If I had posted on MN after the first punch tot he face, then I wouldn't have endured over 15 years of the life that I, and my children, have only just escaped from.

Please don't minimise what he has done. NO ONE has the right to lash out at another human being. The fact that you had your little boy in your arms is beyond contempt. You and your baby deserve better.

Imagine you have a dd. now she comes to you describing her partner doing what your DH has done to you. What advice do you give her?

Gruntfuttock Fri 24-May-13 20:33:22

When you got back to from the shop you said to your DH "Please don't sulk" Why? What problem did he have with you going to the shop?

Sorry op, hope your ok

lougle Fri 24-May-13 20:53:05

So, if I'm reading correctly, you went to the shops while both your DH and your DS were asleep.

Because you were at the shops rather than at home, when your DS woke, your DH had to wake to get up to him.

When you returned, you realised that your DH had been made to get up to your DS and you knew that your DH would be unhappy with that?

You asked him 'not to sulk' and he, instead of sulking, kicked you so hard that you dropped your DS and have a chipped bone and damaged tendon sad

I'm not sure where you can go from here. That is a serious assault.

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