Long story short...
DP started off lovely, normal etc. I screwed up by kissing someone else 3 days in to the relationship; we weren't serious, I told him, it was very early days, I thought we were moving on.
Oh no. I have a close male friend who was at one point in love with me; we have no history, he does not try anything - too respectful and now over it - but we have been through a lot together incl bereavement etc.
DP gets funny about this, tries to ban me seeing friend. I felt guilty about the earlier on kiss so accept. After two months I crack, tell him I am seeing friend etc. He begrudgingly accepts.
Some time later, after he still reminds me daily of his "trust issues", it comes to a head and I walk away. We try to work things out, things get a bit better but every few days he has a flip out where EVERYTHING is my fault, I essentially have to grovel, beg etc, we get back together, repeat ad nauseam.
This isn't sounding good is it? As things are, when he is wonderful he is brilliant and I want to cling to what we had, the future I foresaw. This morning he flipped out again because he didn't like the way I asked a question; storms out, now demanding if I am not there to meet him in 10 minutes (exactly, I've had the exact time by which I must arrive) or he sods off to America as he threatens to do all the time.
Why am I still here? Love. Hope. But still.
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Relationships
Run, right?
Takingbackmonday · 21/05/2013 13:41
Oh my, yes, that's a wrong 'un
- every few days he has a flip out where EVERYTHING is my fault, I essentially have to grovel, beg etc
- when he is wonderful he is brilliant - they always are
- he flipped out again because he didn't like the way I asked a question
He has a personality issue, not a trust issue!
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Yes, I did go 
A few things I forgot to mention; I have severe abandonment issues (lost a parent young). The one thing I always said is if we argue please don't threaten to disappear, it sets off panic attacks etc but despite this his standard response is to threaten to bugger off abroad (a potential job there).
Since "everything is (my ) fault" because I left him (massive over exaggeration, I was seriously sick of his hassle, very stressed with work, anxiety wasn't good and eventually I snapped then called to sort it out and grovel the next day) he openly doesn't care when I am upset because no matter what I do to try to make amends, it means bugger all because apparently he has given up so much for me.
The irony is, I can see through this bullshit usually; I used to be the master of playing this WHEN I WAS 14 YEARS OLD! But he has a way of controlling the narrative and cannot be convinced he is wrong. This morning, just before I posted, he had come over, I hadn't given enough attention and asked him the same question 3 times (was distracted, filling in a v important application form) so he goes crazy,threatens to go, I tell him to either sit down and calm down or go home while I finish said application and we will meet in two hours apparently this equates to me kicking him out, hence his demands I go speeding-- running over to prove I do care, as the poor petal is just so damaged by my actions.
I am making him sound like a right twat, I know, but 98% of our relationship he has been bloody brilliant and I am trying to use the fact he lost a family member and has been through it work-wise recently to excuse his actions.
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