Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Fresh Start, no more losers.

(1000 Posts)
LoserNoMore Tue 21-May-13 08:38:53

Just thought I'd start a new thread, general chit chat, moaning, skipping etc before I go to work and incase the other one fills up.

LoserNoMore Wed 22-May-13 19:45:30

Thanks cabbage, that sounds good. I'll send him something like that. I sent him a brief email telling him I'd been in touch with the police. He must have told his sister as she sent me a text telling me she was disgusted I'd taken it that far. Yeah it was me who took it too far.

Ginderella Wed 22-May-13 19:56:33

LNM - well at least you know whose side the sister is on. I'm disappointed with her response - although not surprised. When she suffers the pain of an unfaithful partner, who continues to act like it's her fault that their relationship is over, perhaps she will have some empathy.

forget the sister. she's shown you her true colours and it's blood (and i'm guessing males) come first even if they're totally wrong.

glad you spoke to the police. it is harassment and if needs be you emphasise that to the police and say look this isn't a 'domestic' - the marriage is over and i view this the same as if a stranger was forcing himself into my home or car and i know this is prosecutable. without being threatening you show them that you know your legal position and you expect them to follow it.

i'm gutted for you that he is being such a cock and that your sister in law is frankly such a twat as to reserve her disgust for you calling the police rather than for her adulterous, self indulgent, man child of a brother.

people suck sometimes!!!

is she single by the way?

CabbageLeaves Wed 22-May-13 20:17:01

You're disgusting!!!???!!

Wow. So her brother is a poor misunderstood badly treated husband I guess? You rotter you LNM wink

Fairenuff Wed 22-May-13 20:19:11

Yeah, I agree, forget the sister. She has probably only been fed a load of lies but she didn't have to digest them, did she. She could have taken the initiative and spoken to you herself. They are as bad as each other those two.

You did the right thing, imo. It's surprising how a burly police officer can get the message across very quickly if necessary grin

JaxTellerIsAllMine Wed 22-May-13 20:27:00

The sister has clearly been fed a pack of lies. But regardless - she isnt on your side at all. STupid woman. Not you, her!

I cant wait to get up to Scotland to see everyone - dont forget my fish n chips and if you are a good girl ice cream after offer. grin

Or you could bunk off work and come down to the seaside for the day... I could ditch my kids with DH and his family and we could have a girlie day gossiping and drinking coffee smoking fags and lunch.

skyeskyeskye Wed 22-May-13 21:19:50

Remember this is your life LNM. You could forgive him and take him back. You can carry on and divorce him. Those are your choices and nothing to do with his sister. What would she do if her H cheated on her?? Nobody knows how they would react in a situation until it happens... I always thought that I would kick a cheater out, but when I discovered all the texting with OW, I just couldnt believe it was a betrayal, tried to think the best and I tried to ignore it and still begged XH to come back...... but then, I was in a state of shock because he walked out with no warning.

Now, I know, that I would never trust him ever again. If he had come back, I would always be wondering if he was where he said he was, who was texting him, every time he was on his phone I would have wanted to know who it was.

Once the trust has been broken, it is very hard to repair it.

If the sister says anything about it again, then just reply that he forced his way into your home and physically touched you against your will, that it is unacceptable, that the marriage is over because of his cheating actions.

Tell the sister it's none of her business and you're disgusted that your husband cheated on you. I can't believe she text you, absolutely nothing to do with her.

I hope you're doing ok LNM X

imtheonlyone Wed 22-May-13 21:54:40

Well now you know not to bother to try and build any bridges with the sister!!!! The fucking cheek of the woman! I'm so angry for you right now! She's clearly been fed a complete pack of lies - either that or she's as delusional as your ex!!

Hope you're ok - don't let her wind you up. You've absolutely done the right thing contacting the police as its now on record if he does anything else. I'm disgusted she's still standing up for him! He needs to be told that you mean what you say - you've done nothing wrong.

On a more cheery note, I've just made the most gorgeous smelling chocolate cake and need to go and ganache it now!! Then need to try and not eat any before tomorrow!!!! wink

CabbageLeaves Wed 22-May-13 21:58:38

Mmmm choc cake with ganache

<salivating>

LoserNoMore Wed 22-May-13 22:22:58

SAF, she's divorced.

I'm not going to bother replying to any texts from her. This whole thing has been a right eye opener, that's for sure.

I went straight to the gym from work, 30 minute run and 30 minutes on the bike, I won't be able to walk tomorrow, was good though.

LoserNoMore Wed 22-May-13 22:23:49

Divorced and remarried I meant.

imtheonlyone Wed 22-May-13 22:37:09

You're bang on LNM - absolutely no point in responding to her. Waste of your time and energy!

Well done on the gym efforts - I'm well impressed grin

Fairenuff Wed 22-May-13 22:39:47

Unless... he sent the text from her phone without her knowledge? Is that even worth considering? I don't know, it's hard work trying to figure out what goes on in someone else's brain. Best just to leave them to it and get on like you are LNM.

Are you off work next week or have you arranged childcare for halfterm. Sorry if you've said already and I missed it.

LoserNoMore Wed 22-May-13 22:49:33

Who knows Fairenuff, nothing would surprise me anymore. Schools are only closed for 2 days but I'm working. I'm trying to keep my annual leave for the summer holidays. I've been looking at holidays tonight, would be good to book something, then we have something to look forward to.

Jax, sorry forgot to ask. When are you in Scotland again? Day off work to drink coffee would be good, oh and fish and chips! Don't hold out much hope for sun though.

Thanks imtheonlyone, I was quite impressed myself. Now I'm just thinking about chocolate cake.

CabbageLeaves Thu 23-May-13 07:17:35

I booked a holiday abroad. It did keep me thinking forward but was weird because it emphasised my 'aloneness' all the more to me. (I didn't chose a holiday where I easily met other people) Try and find somewhere where kids will have friends and you can socialise.

I think it's really important to carry on doing what you want to and not let life grind to a halt. You are still a family. Do family things

Fluffycloudland77 Thu 23-May-13 12:22:58

Tbh I'd have sent the police round, he needs a dose of reality. You can also report the sister too for the texts.

Harassment can be one incident or many.

At the end of the day you cannot stalk and harass people. It is a criminal offence. This does need to stop because he is not respecting your boundaries.

Nothing like the police to give the "stop being a twat mate she's not interested" speech.

The ex and his sister are living their lives like the soaps they watch.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Thu 23-May-13 12:51:41

Im in Scotland all next week - but only by the west coast for a few days as we are now going up to see my nieces new house - East Coast... lord knows why we do this, organise things. Think I will just let people know we are at my Mum and Dads and if folk family want to visit then they can come to us for a change.

Except you LNM, well you would be very welcome at my Mums, but you'd be bored to death! grin

CabbageLeaves Thu 23-May-13 13:29:13

I know this is irrelevant to the thread but its such a novelty for me that I'm sharing grin

Lunch

I'm having a lunch break.

In a real coffee shop with a coffee and a caramel slice

Get me

JaxTellerIsAllMine Thu 23-May-13 13:39:46

mmmmm caramel slice.

lazarusb Thu 23-May-13 16:10:20

Fluffy is right - harassment taking place through a third party is also counted by the police. Ignore his sister, being a twat is clearly genetic.

I haven't stopped eating this week! Not a great start to my exercise regime confused

LoserNoMore Thu 23-May-13 18:04:35

Lazarus, exercise is evil. I can't walk today. I took the lift at work to avoid walking up and down stairs, my legs are agony.

Cabbage, I'm not sure I'm brave enough to go abroad alone. Glad you managed a proper lunch, it's such an achievement grin

With regard to having the police involved and them speaking to him, I'd rather not unless I absolutely have to. I don't want to make things worse even though it is him doing that. I'm hoping he backs off and we can be civil to a degree. I think once he gets it into his head that it's over he can maybe act like a grown up. I've told him I've spoken to police so he knows it's not just an empty threat. His sister has really disappointed me though.

CabbageLeaves Thu 23-May-13 18:32:29

I understand that LNM. I think having the police involved is a very sad step but necessary sometimes. It's in his hands to avoid that

lazarusb Thu 23-May-13 20:36:25

It's a shame that she doesn't seem to be willing to see this from your point of view. I can understand you're disappointed in her though. Ex's sister shouted 'slag' at me across the street a couple of months after I'd split from him. We'd been quite close and she was aware of at least some of the violence - took her 18 years to speak to me again.

Have you thought about a nice cottage somewhere in the UK? Just to get away for a bit and have a change of scenery..might be worth looking into.

This thread is not accepting new messages.