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Relationships

Distinct lack of sex in our relationship

66 replies

LittleBabyLucas · 18/05/2013 19:33

Long story short, my man has admitted he would rather have a wank than have sex with me.

I feel degraded. I feel like im nothing more than a skivvy who does his washing, cooks his meals etc.

He wants to have a threesome, I said no and that somethings should stay as a fantasy.

He is refusing to talk about it.

First he said its cos I had to come off the pill due to being allergic to progesterone - put something on the end of it I replied.

Next was I was never up for it and never came on to him - I threw myself at him, jumped him in the shower, caught him on the stairs etc

3rd is he doesn't like condoms - now im getting really pissed off!

4th he requested that I wear dresses and skirts and high heels around the house - I did this along with throwing myself at him still nothing.

On the rare occasion that we do have sex he insists on filming it. No idea why?!

Im getting to the point where I feel like telling him either you do it or you leave.

I've suggested councilling, sex therepy etc he isn't interested

This isn't healthy for a relationship what else can I do?

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Numberlock · 18/05/2013 19:40

Why would you even want to stay?

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lemonandice · 18/05/2013 19:42

What's your relationship like otherwise? Is he generally uncaring and insensitive, or is he decent? What was your sex life like before you came off the pill?

My first thoughts are there's an OW, or he's having trouble in the bedroom department and doesn't want you to know.

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LittleBabyLucas · 18/05/2013 19:43

Because I love him he is very loving to me in every other way I love his kids and he loves mine we want a baby in a few years I just don't know whats going on

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SauceForTheGander · 18/05/2013 19:44

Has he got really into porn?

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LittleBabyLucas · 18/05/2013 19:45

It was great before I came off the pill, I cant have the coil or anything with progesterone in he swears there isn't another woman and if im honest he doesn't have the time lol

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Numberlock · 18/05/2013 19:45

For christs sake don't have a baby with this disrespectful arsehole.

I'd be interested to know why his last relationship ended. And where those films of you having sex end up...

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MadBusLady · 18/05/2013 19:45

Christ almight, do you know what he's doing with the films? Because I'm immediately thinking Readers Wives, or whatever the online equivalent is.

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MadBusLady · 18/05/2013 19:45

almighty!

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LittleBabyLucas · 18/05/2013 19:45

he never watches porn when im around but I know as soon as I go out he grabs his laptop and a box of tissues

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MadBusLady · 18/05/2013 19:46

He doesn't sound loving at all. He sounds nasty, disrespectful and frankly not that into you.

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MadBusLady · 18/05/2013 19:47

Not that I have any problem with porn if both partners are ok with it (some people here do have a problem with porn, I know). But it can't be at the expense of everything else.

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SauceForTheGander · 18/05/2013 19:49

His fantasies are porn cliches and wanting to film you means he's only only able to get turned on when sex is like a porn rather than about the two of you.

This doesn't sound good to me at all. What are you getting out if this?

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LittleBabyLucas · 18/05/2013 19:49

I don't have a problem with porn, I suggest putting it on in the background sometimes, still no joy

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LittleBabyLucas · 18/05/2013 19:55

He wants to come home and find me watching porn having a play

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SummerDad · 18/05/2013 19:56

Being in a similar situation, I read your thread. I don't have much to add on the psychological aspect but would like to point out that filming intimate activities is highly dangerous as only very few expert users know how to permanently delete the digital stuff. Simply deleting the files does not delete the data from hard disks, sd cards etc. and is easily recoverable and people do recover this data and post it on the internet.

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MadBusLady · 18/05/2013 19:58

Thing is, he also wanted you to wear dresses and heels, which you did. And that didn't work either.

I think you have to confront the possibility that nothing you do will ever be enough, whether it's because he's addicted to porn or for some other reason.

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arsenaltilidie · 18/05/2013 20:04

Porn addiction.

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 18/05/2013 20:05

Go here, and watch the TEDx video, "The Great Porn Experiment. Get your dp to watch it too. You will fnd it enlightening.

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LittleBabyLucas · 18/05/2013 20:13

hi old lady the webpage isn't work x

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 18/05/2013 20:16

Sorry. Try googling "TED online porn", the first result is a youtube copy.

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Thisisaeuphemism · 18/05/2013 20:19

Jesus.

You want this for your future, really?

Why?

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EdvardMonsterMunch · 18/05/2013 20:20

Doesn't sound right to me.
You've tried and failed to have a healthy sex life.
Either he's a regular porn user with unrealistic view of marital sex or i'm a monkey's uncle!

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LittleBabyLucas · 18/05/2013 20:25

I know his ex wife wasn't into sex like I am, she told him to get a whore and watch porn to get him away from her

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Thisisaeuphemism · 18/05/2013 20:33

I dOn't blame her. He sounds like a creep. You cook and clean for him, but he can only manage it with a camera in his hand, and doesn't want to change. What a catch!

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LittleBabyLucas · 18/05/2013 20:34

can we have a quick show of hands? male or female poster please? Id like to know a blokes perspective on this.
im 27 a healthy size 12 with curves in the right places no wobbly bits even tho ds is only a year old. I like football f1 and beer. my mans mates say im the perfect woman and cant understand why he is the way he is

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