First time poster but long time lurker who is in desperate need for advice..
I'm trying to decide whether I should stop all contact between my mother and myself. Our relationship has always been difficult but I'm at the end of my rope with her and don't know if the pain is worth it.
I had a difficult childhood, parents split when I was 9 and DM moved away to live with her new partner immediately. Later it was decided that I should live with her at weekends. DM has been verbally abusive for as long as I can remember (her favs were "waste of space", "bitch" and "liar") but her new OH only made that worse. He was a drug user, regularly cruel and inappropriate so weekends were hell for me.
I experienced some horrible abuse from strangers around this time too and tried to tell her twice but was punished for being stupid and letting myself get hurt.
Ran away at 16, found myself in an abusive relationship and didn't have much contact with my family until I escaped back to her house years later. She was less then pleased to have me back I can tell you! Thankfully I manged to move in with a friend not long after, went to college and met my wonderful OH. I should be happier but my past is haunting me, I've never received an apology and she says she can't remember most of it .
Recently, after a therapy session, I decided to sit down with her and tell her everything (including the bits about my step dad) in hopes that she'd see how much pain I was in and help me. Stupid in retrospect, considering her past behavior but I had nobody else to talk to.
She defended him, returned home to him and we had barely any contact beyond a few texts from her saying she "had no credit to ring". Since then we've had two arguments over the phone, one in which she stated I was being all "me me me" and the second in which she told me she "didn't deserve my abuse and wasn't going over the past 25 years again".
So shes staying with my step dad for now, refusing to accept responsibility for what shes done and is showing no remorse. It may sound very cut and dry but despite this, I love her and want her to be there for me. She can be incredibly loving at times but her lack of empathy right now amazes me.
My brother insists I give her time, shes just too stressed right now to support me and she'll eventually come around but he's always been her golden boy and can't see how hurtful shes is. This is the first time I've ever sought help from her or opened up about my past so the rejection is incredibly painful for me.
My dad knows nothing, hes quite old and my mother says "it'll kill him" if I tell. Shes probably just trying to protect herself but I don't want to hurt my poor dad who's only crime was being too heartbroken and lonely to notice something was wrong.
Should I give her more time or am I dealing with a narcissist who will never admit her faults? I can't help but yearn for her love and validation but am I being stupid?
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Should I give up *long and sensitive sorry*
10 replies
CallMeDaughter · 12/05/2013 03:57
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