Hello wise women of mumsnet, hope you can help.
Just looking for a bit of advice on how to support / advise a good friend. I feel not so much a lack of empathy but rather that we discuss the same issue over and over and I am running out of positive/uplifting things to say ( I am perhaps also preoccupied with semi imminent arrival of PFB).
That said, she is a good friend and don't want to be self absorbed; I want to be helpful and not dismissive.
Issue is that my friend is single, 30 and desperate to be married. This has been a recurring theme for the last say 7 or so years. I've always been quietly encouraging, sympathetic, empathetic, made (hopefully) helpful suggestions, etc etc but at the end of the day - she wants to get married and she wants to get married yesterday.
She is not dating anyone; no one suitable on the horizon. Meltdowns this year have increased in frequency - obviously turning 30 was horrendous (may not seem too old for some, but culturally was a significant milestone), then today received her ex-boyf's wedding invite and she burst into tears at work.
I desperately don't want to come across as smug married. But in her view, I have perfection (married, baby on the way). I've done the whole marriage does not equal life perfection, I am very open about how it's hard work, I have tried to say it's not the great fix all, suggested alternative life goals, a bucket list etc etc but the bottom line is that I can't change what she wants.
She is not jealous I don't think (well if she is she doesn't say it to me) and I've encouraged online dating, introduced her to the few single guys I or my husband know, but I am at a loss as to what to say now that is actually helpful. I have also spent hours and hours listening to her wedding plans, looking at dresses and rings and being an active particpant etc etc - trying to give it my fullest attention.
I just today, having received 35 (!) whatsapp messages in quick succession and having been on the phone for ages with her in tears, feel that I really can't think of anything else to say and I can't ignore all these messages.
What would you say or do?
What can you say that is not patronising?
Any suggestions welcome.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
How to support a single friend
MrsSpagBol · 08/05/2013 19:06
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