Hi, I'm looking for some help with where I am and thought the best place would be here.
I am a 37 year old Father of 3, a 6 year old (from past relationship) and twin boys aged 2yrs 2 months with my partner of 3 years who is 22. In November 2011 we moved 30 miles away from where she grew up and had all her family and friends to be closer to my job - at the time she wanted a clean break as none of her 'friends' bothered with her because of the twins and her family were all pressuring her about various things.
My partner and I are now "on a break", her words, as she has reached breaking point. She has had post natal depression for about 18 months but only started medication at the back end of last year for a few months before stopping. She has felt neglected and lonely for some time but because she is bad a communicating I didn't know how bad things had got - I told her I loved her pretty much daily and always kissed and cuddled her, but she was off sex completely for the last 6 months but I didn't know this as she "gave in to shut me up". Which sounds bad but I wasn't forcing her or anything. I was basically too focused on working to earn us money to enjoy our life together and didn't see the signs until we reached a point 3 weeks ago where it all came to a head.
Since 3 weeks ago my eyes have been truly opened to what has happened and I realised could have done so much more for her. I have apologised and told her I will change, but she doesn't believe me as whenever things have boiled over in the past I have been different for a couple weeks tops and then gone back to my old bad habits - this time it is different as I risk losing the most important thing in my life.
For the last 2.5 weeks I have done everything round the house had all the children all the time when not at work to give her a break and have put her first - which has been noticed and appreciated. I've moved her back into a house near her parents and friends (we were moving back anyway and had found a house before all this kicked off) but she is now there on her own with just the twins. I am staying where I am for the next 3 weeks with my eldest as he is at school until we can change him over in half term. The current plan is for me to stay with family temporarily a couple miles from the new house to give her some space to think.
Now here's where I need some advice. I have devoted my life to her and always have been and always will be and desperately want this to work. She has said that she wants to make a go of it, but I know for a fact she has been chatting to some lad and there has been a lot of flirting between them - which must be making her feel excited and good about herself. Now that she is in this new house, as of Friday just gone, I am really worried that she's going to be led astray by some smooth talking guy who only wants her for one thing - I'm worried that because she has been depressed and felt so bad about herself for so long that the attention she has got recently is all she is focused on and she's not thinking about the bigger picture.
So what do I do? Do I confront her about this lad or just continue what I'm doing to prove to her that she is my world and leave it up to her?
Any help, suggestions or insight into her thoughts and feelings would be gratefully received. Thank you.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Relationship help
WorriedPartner · 05/05/2013 04:03
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