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help me to leave him to enjoy himself

(156 Posts)

Name change for obvious reasons. Dp takes a lot of cocaine when he goes out, we do not live together, he keeps that side of his life mainly separate to ours. I have decided to take a step back and not let him know I worry about him on his 'nights' out. Can someone try to give me advice on how to stay away from my mobile phone whenever he goes out? I worry about him dying, getting arrested or getting into fights until it makes me ill but it drives him away. He knows I worry and does try to keep in touch when he's out but he is not the best at remembering to contact me. I want to give him the freedom to not feel guilty about enjoying his time with his friends but have no idea how.

Talking, so many tears, this is hard.

I know sad
One thing I will advise is that he won't give up the drugs for you. He might give them up if he has an eye open moment and realises that his habit is bad for his life. Losing you might be an element if him realising that. But if he tries to stop it because you want him to and he is scared of losing you then it will fail.
If you want to give it a chance then go no contact with him and tell him that if he decides to change his habits himself to contact you in 6 months.

thatstripedthing Thu 25-Jul-13 10:11:26

Hello, fated. Any update?

Uppatea Thu 25-Jul-13 12:52:22

Hello Fated, I just want to second the suggestion to look at soberrecovery.com - my alcoholic husband left in January and it has been an absolute eye-opening life saver for me. Find rl support too eg counselling, charity support groups, alanon whatever you can find. I was totally bereft a few months ago and feel for you utterly. Thinking of my 2 daughters future was what honestly has kept me strong. Good luck, don't look back xx

I did not have the courage to end it.

This morning I found out he lied about seeing someone about a month ago. I am undoubtedly going to end up just letting this happen.

Sorry if you feel I have wasted your time.

nectarini1983 Sun 28-Jul-13 19:10:05

Hi OP...I understand your predicament entirely. ..ive reached the point with my dh who sounds like he behaves very much as your dp does......I dont care any more.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New problem now....what now with two kids and a mortgage!?!?!?!?!

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