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Am I within my rights to be furious?

(109 Posts)
Autumn12 Sat 20-Apr-13 01:50:51

DH has gone out with friends tonight. I've not heard from him which is unusual as he would usually text to see how I am. I did text him about 10pm but got no response.

I text him again about 20 minutes after the last train got in and he still wasn't home. He knows that I can't sleep until he gets home after a night out for various reasons. I have literally just had a text to say he is staying over at a friends house.

I am fucking furious. Am I being unreasonable? I personally don't think this is on for a married man anyway but I am 6 months pregnant and have been under an incredible amount of stress this past 2 weeks due to family issues. I am now feeling too stressed and annoyed to sleep after already having been really ill this evening.

Oh he has just text again to say he has had a really bad week as though that makes it ok!

Autumn12 Mon 22-Apr-13 12:13:26

I don't understand the "letting off steam" thing either really. Handling the stresses and strains of life is all a part of being a grown up isn't it? You can't just go and get fucked up whenever it gets a bit much and park your responsibilities until you feel like picking them up again.

He has emailed me this morning to say that he was irresponsible but felt that it was his last "hurrah" before the baby comes. That he has been bottling things up lately etc, etc.

Righly or wrongly I can't help but feel that he is responsible for his own feelings and dealing with them. I shouldn't have to try and drag things out of him to stop him from getting stressed and going off the rails.

I don't know what he is so stressed about anyway. But then I wouldn't if he hasn't talked to me. He has just come back off holiday and only worked a couple of days last week, he hasn't been shouldering the burden of my family problems either. So I don't know what is getting to him.

It might be the thought of a new baby but he is not the only one going through that. I am too, and any time I have mentioned that I will miss things about my current life he has made me feel like I am being really selfish and petty. I can't just go out and get pissed becuase I'm scared of the responsibility can I?

Anyway he has offered to find some temporary accomodation. I think he was expecting me to say don't be silly but I just said ok.

AnyFucker Mon 22-Apr-13 12:19:06

hmm

well done on calling his bluff

I don't understand this "last hurrah" thing before a baby comes, either. Does he look on having a baby as the end of his life ? Parents do still get to enjoy themselves on occasion, admittedly less than before.

But surely committing to having a baby with someone is a tacit agreement that your lives will inevitably move on a stage ?

There will be many more problems between you if one of you acknowledges that fact and has a shift in behaviour accordingly, and the other does not

Schnarkle Mon 22-Apr-13 12:27:37

Stick to your guns now, he's most definitely waiting for you to back down and forgive and forget again.

How many last hurrahs will he have before the baby comes?

My idiot ex had a one of many last hurrah the night before I was induced. He arrived in still drunk and over the course of the day went from drunk to severly hungover. His doting mother arrived with a change of clothes and a packed lunch for him because, god love him, he had a tough night.

bleedingheart Mon 22-Apr-13 12:53:31

The last hurrah thing is a crock of shit, like people having a ONS on their stag or hen night. You've made the commitment already!
He could've called you if he wanted to. When you live with a partner it is simple common decency to tell them if you won't be home.

Pomegranatenoir Mon 22-Apr-13 22:44:08

autumn how are you doing?? Have you got some support around you? When I was going through rubbish times it helped me to be surrounded by friends and keep busy!!

ladyjadie Tue 23-Apr-13 15:40:06

Autumn I read all your posts and I did feel for you, especially the night when he didn't come back. I think it was unfair of him to leave you hanging, and disrespectful of him too tbh. I also know what you mean about people being more coherent when on drugs as well as drink, from personal experience. Do you mind me asking how old you both are?

I would find it hard to forgive even if you weren't heavily pregnant, and his consequent behaviour on returning has been immature imo. It's a hard one to advise on though because I'm sure you don't want to leave him, it's just one of those things that you wish he just hadn't done because it hurt you and made you feel insignificant as you weren't worth thinking about on his 'boys night' and it's something that will probably play on your mind.

If you can if he's not too busy playing the wronged victim try to get him to see that he hurt you and made you feel like you didn't matter, when in reality he should be treating you like the most important thing in his life, because you are carrying his baby, and you need support all the more for this. I hope he listens, because if he doesn't I'm afraid he can only carry on treating you with disrespect, because in his mind you aren't worth more. Hope you're ok.

Toasttoppers Tue 23-Apr-13 15:51:29

I am guessing people saying oh let him out don't have a partner that goes AWOL and is a danger to themselves. If my DH went out this weekend I would not have those worries.

I also dislike drugs, I am not even keen on prescriptions . If he cannot be considerate you will either have to live with the stress or leave.

I do see behaviour like this as a refusal to grow up, if that makes me an old stick in the mud well so be it.

Autumn12 Thu 25-Apr-13 11:24:01

Once again Thanks to all of you who have been supportive and given some good advice. Things are being sorted out slowly after a lot of talking on both sides.

Jaynebxl Thu 25-Apr-13 19:14:18

Did he move out? Are you working things through with him. Thinking of you.

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