My DS is a typical 13 year old - spends most of his spare time in his room plugged into some device or another. He is bright and attends a good school where is he is doing ok despite not being particularly motivated or driven, except by my nagging! He has some lovely friends and there are no issues about his behaviour. He likes sport - plays for a football team, basketball and hockey teams and relies on us for lifts for training and matches, etc. He and I have always been really close despite me going back to work when he was only a couple of months old. We just seem to understand each other - that's not to say that he doesn't drive me completely mad at times and we don't have our fall outs. However, we usually resolve them quickly and move on.
My husband seems to find it really hard to understand DS. He constantly wants him to help with his work - property developing - but DS has absolutely no interest in this and hates it. This then escalates into a row where DH then claims he is ungrateful, takes away all electronic devices and refuses to give any lifts. DS and DH then stop communicating almost completely and the pressure then fall onto me to do all lifts, as I don't think DS should let his team members down. I have demanding full time job with very long hours whilst DH also works hard he can be more flexible.
DH can stay angry at DS for months - last time it was about 3! During this time they do not really talk and I just end up being caught in the middle.
Everything has been relatively calm for the past couple of months and the two of them have got on really well. We had a lovely few days away over the Easter weekend but since getting home, I have felt my DH beginning to get wound up about DS again and sure enough this afternoon he asked him to help him with a job, DS has refused and is now banned from everything indefinitely. DH never says for how long, just until he feels like it and that DS never learns his lesson.
May be I am too soft but all I see DH is doing is forcing DS away from him. He will then complain at other times that DS never talks to him. I agree that for specific misdemeanours there should be consequences for a set time but this complete ban for however long doesn't seem to be helpful. He really is a good lad and I don't know what DH is going to do if/when DS gets into trouble for doing something serious.
After 3 months of them not talking to each other last time, I had a real moan to DH about who the 'grown up' was.
DH is so stubborn and will not back down or see that he may have over reacted. Even if DS now apologises all he will get is a lecture and nothing will change. So now I feel depressed at being caught in the middle of it all again for the next however many months, while DS mopes around with nothing to do and me trying to keep the peace. We were supposed to be booking a summer holiday this weekend but it's now the last thing I want to do - the thought of being somewhere with neither of them talking to each other and expecting me to keep the peace just is not my idea of a holiday.
I guess I am also worried that DH's attitude will force DS away from both of us longer term.
Am not sure what I am asking for but just needed to get it out of my system!
Thanks if you have read all of this!
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Relationships
Relationship Problems between DH and DS - sorry long!
way2serious · 06/04/2013 16:01
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