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Relationships

Dh and sensual massage!

146 replies

Cuddlemedolly · 05/04/2013 10:33

My dh was abroad with work a few weeks ago. I was playing on his phone and found that he had been for a sensual massage. He didn't mention it to me at all. He had clearly researched to find a place that offered this certain type of massage (you normally have to be naked and it is described as being sensual etc). Quite often if you type in the massage into google you will get some 'erotic' massage places come up. He had looked at these sites too. Although lots of places offer these massages without being dodgy.

He didn't mention having the massage at all and there has been plenty of opportunity too. I have raised it with him, he got quite defensive and said he didn't tell me because it would have looked dodgy and although he had this type if massage he went to a legitimate place where it was all above board.

I'm not sure what I'm asking really. What would you think? He has had a sensual massage and deliberately kept it from me. He wanted to book me a treatment recently and suggested this type of massage, but when I looked into it, nowhere really does them and they are quite sensual, so I declined. Not once did he say he had had one whilst away.

The above sounds mad. Am I being paranoid!

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tethersend · 05/04/2013 10:37

What do I think?

Hand job.

Sorry.

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forgetmenots · 05/04/2013 10:39

Seconded. Sorry.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/04/2013 10:41

He was right about it looking dodgy because it probably is dodgy. How's the relationship otherwise? If everything's OK it could be a case for 'benefit of the doubt' with the riders that lying is totally unacceptable and certainly shouldn't book a repeat performance. If not, then maybe this is the catalyst for a more serious conversation.

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Cuddlemedolly · 05/04/2013 10:54

We are generally happily married. He does lie about lots of different things, rather than admit to anything that may cause issue (no matter how trivial). We have talked a lot about being open and upfront. He has showed me the website of the place where he went to. It is above board, but the fact he failed to mention it makes me feel angry. I'm also perplexed as to why he would go for this massage rather than the normal massages you can have!

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/04/2013 11:12

Then the lying is the real issue to tackle. Even supposing this was a completely innocent professional massage, the problem is that you don't believe him. It's 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf' writ large... and it is really poor behaviour on his part. He has to grow up, start telling the truth and facing any music that is due... Personally I could not live with a liar.

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DistanceCall · 05/04/2013 13:25

He probably didn't tell you because he thought you would be upset and it would be too much of a hassle to explain things. Which does not mean that hiding it was the right thing to do.

You do need to talk about his habit of trivial lying, though. It's as if he felt that you're his mother and he's the naughty child, and that's no way to have a proper relationship as a couple.

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carmenelectra · 05/04/2013 13:32

Sorry love, its a handjob. Without doubt. Wake up. Doesn't matter what u have seen on the website- extras are probably negotiable.

If it was a legit massage he would have said. Ie. My back was killing me or I was all tense so I paid for this great massage.

Anything with sensual= sexual.

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Pandemoniaa · 05/04/2013 13:35

We are generally happily married. He does lie about lots of different things, rather than admit to anything that may cause issue (no matter how trivial).

I fear that I see a distinct contradiction in these two sentences. He's paid to have a hand job. Of course this will cause an issue. Lying about it just makes it worse. If you can't trust him, and his behaviour proves he is untrustworthy, then I'd honestly question how happily married you really are.

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OxfordBags · 05/04/2013 13:38

'Sensual massage' is a subtle way of advertising a certain type of prostitution, so sorry, OP. It's the same worldwide, it can't be lost in translation. At the very 'least', he got wanked off by a woman he was paying to do it.

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carmenelectra · 05/04/2013 13:41

Defo wanked off.that's why he got defensive.

You don't get completely naked otherwise. Why would you?

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HeySoulSister · 05/04/2013 13:50

its obvious to me too....sorry

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MushroomSoup · 05/04/2013 16:33

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotic_massage

Just 'wikied' sensual massage. Sorry OP.

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MushroomSoup · 05/04/2013 16:34
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Cuddlemedolly · 05/04/2013 17:12

The massage was from a very legitimate place. It is a lomi lomi massage. I genuinely don't think he had a hand job, but it us one if those borderline massages they when given on the wrong place crosses over into an erotic massage :(

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Cuddlemedolly · 05/04/2013 17:13

He said he wasn't naked. But draped.

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MadBraLady · 05/04/2013 17:20

Well, either he went for a "sensual massage" or he didn't. A lomi lomi massage doesn't sound like the same thing at all. He had been searching on his phone for the term "sensual massage", right? Is there any chance he just doesn't know what that word means?

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TheOrchardKeeper · 05/04/2013 17:21

He's lying or a total novice.

Sorry Thanks

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TheOrchardKeeper · 05/04/2013 17:22

sensual is not above board...it's a way of making it sound above board.

How would you feel if he had a sensual hug with a female friend? Probably a little suspicious?

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Badvoc · 05/04/2013 17:26

It's not above board.
Sorry.

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Lucyellensmum95 · 05/04/2013 17:26

I couldn't live with a man who lied to me

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onefewernow · 05/04/2013 17:26

Hmm.. this is way more simple that his motivations:

He had a massage which he didnt tell you about
He didnt want you to know about it
He didnt think you would approve
So he did it behind your back
He was defensive when questioned.
Now you have perceived the dishonesty (and it is dishonest), and dont know what to believe.

He is taking the piss, isnt he?

He took the old adage, "if you want to know if your behaviour is cheating, ask your wife", and he failed it in his head.

So he did it in secret.

Sorry, OP, but there it is.

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TheOrchardKeeper · 05/04/2013 17:26

re-read your post.

So he searched for a sensual massage but didn't have one & had a 'lomi lomi' instead?

It sounds like he's backtracked? How do you know for sure where he went if he searched for sensual massages originally?

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TheOrchardKeeper · 05/04/2013 17:27

Oh and he lied to you.

Surely that tells you all you need to know.

Sorry to sound harsh but this reeks of dishonesty at best...

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NoSquirrels · 05/04/2013 17:31

He had clearly researched to find a place that offered this certain type of massage (you normally have to be naked and it is described as being sensual etc). Quite often if you type in the massage into google you will get some 'erotic' massage places come up.

I think the OP is saying he researched a lomi lomi massage, which may or may not be dodgy.

Still, he lied to you (by omission, not mentioning it) and he hasn't told you WHY he felt the need for a 'sensual' massage rather than a bog-standard massage from the hotel spa. . .

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Cuddlemedolly · 05/04/2013 17:31

I don't know if he searched 'sensual massage'. I think he searched a certain type of massage and lots of things came back. He looked at lots if dodgy sites but said he had a massage at a legitimate place but never mentioned it. Ffs what should I believe! He gave me the site for where he went and it appears legitimate. Now what? Do I believe him?

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