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Dh and sensual massage!

(147 Posts)
Cuddlemedolly Fri 05-Apr-13 10:33:44

My dh was abroad with work a few weeks ago. I was playing on his phone and found that he had been for a sensual massage. He didn't mention it to me at all. He had clearly researched to find a place that offered this certain type of massage (you normally have to be naked and it is described as being sensual etc). Quite often if you type in the massage into google you will get some 'erotic' massage places come up. He had looked at these sites too. Although lots of places offer these massages without being dodgy.

He didn't mention having the massage at all and there has been plenty of opportunity too. I have raised it with him, he got quite defensive and said he didn't tell me because it would have looked dodgy and although he had this type if massage he went to a legitimate place where it was all above board.

I'm not sure what I'm asking really. What would you think? He has had a sensual massage and deliberately kept it from me. He wanted to book me a treatment recently and suggested this type of massage, but when I looked into it, nowhere really does them and they are quite sensual, so I declined. Not once did he say he had had one whilst away.

The above sounds mad. Am I being paranoid!

tethersend Fri 05-Apr-13 10:37:28

What do I think?

Hand job.

Sorry.

forgetmenots Fri 05-Apr-13 10:39:12

Seconded. Sorry.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 05-Apr-13 10:41:26

He was right about it looking dodgy because it probably is dodgy. How's the relationship otherwise? If everything's OK it could be a case for 'benefit of the doubt' with the riders that lying is totally unacceptable and certainly shouldn't book a repeat performance. If not, then maybe this is the catalyst for a more serious conversation.

Cuddlemedolly Fri 05-Apr-13 10:54:18

We are generally happily married. He does lie about lots of different things, rather than admit to anything that may cause issue (no matter how trivial). We have talked a lot about being open and upfront. He has showed me the website of the place where he went to. It is above board, but the fact he failed to mention it makes me feel angry. I'm also perplexed as to why he would go for this massage rather than the normal massages you can have!

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 05-Apr-13 11:12:50

Then the lying is the real issue to tackle. Even supposing this was a completely innocent professional massage, the problem is that you don't believe him. It's 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf' writ large... and it is really poor behaviour on his part. He has to grow up, start telling the truth and facing any music that is due... Personally I could not live with a liar.

DistanceCall Fri 05-Apr-13 13:25:23

He probably didn't tell you because he thought you would be upset and it would be too much of a hassle to explain things. Which does not mean that hiding it was the right thing to do.

You do need to talk about his habit of trivial lying, though. It's as if he felt that you're his mother and he's the naughty child, and that's no way to have a proper relationship as a couple.

carmenelectra Fri 05-Apr-13 13:32:10

Sorry love, its a handjob. Without doubt. Wake up. Doesn't matter what u have seen on the website- extras are probably negotiable.

If it was a legit massage he would have said. Ie. My back was killing me or I was all tense so I paid for this great massage.

Anything with sensual= sexual.

Pandemoniaa Fri 05-Apr-13 13:35:23

We are generally happily married. He does lie about lots of different things, rather than admit to anything that may cause issue (no matter how trivial).

I fear that I see a distinct contradiction in these two sentences. He's paid to have a hand job. Of course this will cause an issue. Lying about it just makes it worse. If you can't trust him, and his behaviour proves he is untrustworthy, then I'd honestly question how happily married you really are.

OxfordBags Fri 05-Apr-13 13:38:31

'Sensual massage' is a subtle way of advertising a certain type of prostitution, so sorry, OP. It's the same worldwide, it can't be lost in translation. At the very 'least', he got wanked off by a woman he was paying to do it.

carmenelectra Fri 05-Apr-13 13:41:28

Defo wanked off.that's why he got defensive.

You don't get completely naked otherwise. Why would you?

HeySoulSister Fri 05-Apr-13 13:50:10

its obvious to me too....sorry

MushroomSoup Fri 05-Apr-13 16:33:33

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotic_massage

Just 'wikied' sensual massage. Sorry OP.

MushroomSoup Fri 05-Apr-13 16:34:04
Cuddlemedolly Fri 05-Apr-13 17:12:43

The massage was from a very legitimate place. It is a lomi lomi massage. I genuinely don't think he had a hand job, but it us one if those borderline massages they when given on the wrong place crosses over into an erotic massage sad

Cuddlemedolly Fri 05-Apr-13 17:13:29

He said he wasn't naked. But draped.

MadBraLady Fri 05-Apr-13 17:20:00

Well, either he went for a "sensual massage" or he didn't. A lomi lomi massage doesn't sound like the same thing at all. He had been searching on his phone for the term "sensual massage", right? Is there any chance he just doesn't know what that word means?

He's lying or a total novice.

Sorry thanks

sensual is not above board...it's a way of making it sound above board.

How would you feel if he had a sensual hug with a female friend? Probably a little suspicious?

Badvoc Fri 05-Apr-13 17:26:05

It's not above board.
Sorry.

Lucyellensmum95 Fri 05-Apr-13 17:26:22

I couldn't live with a man who lied to me

onefewernow Fri 05-Apr-13 17:26:38

Hmm.. this is way more simple that his motivations:

He had a massage which he didnt tell you about
He didnt want you to know about it
He didnt think you would approve
So he did it behind your back
He was defensive when questioned.
Now you have perceived the dishonesty (and it is dishonest), and dont know what to believe.

He is taking the piss, isnt he?

He took the old adage, "if you want to know if your behaviour is cheating, ask your wife", and he failed it in his head.

So he did it in secret.

Sorry, OP, but there it is.

re-read your post.

So he searched for a sensual massage but didn't have one & had a 'lomi lomi' instead?

It sounds like he's backtracked? How do you know for sure where he went if he searched for sensual massages originally?

Oh and he lied to you.

Surely that tells you all you need to know.

Sorry to sound harsh but this reeks of dishonesty at best...

NoSquirrels Fri 05-Apr-13 17:31:43

He had clearly researched to find a place that offered this certain type of massage (you normally have to be naked and it is described as being sensual etc). Quite often if you type in the massage into google you will get some 'erotic' massage places come up.

I think the OP is saying he researched a lomi lomi massage, which may or may not be dodgy.

Still, he lied to you (by omission, not mentioning it) and he hasn't told you WHY he felt the need for a 'sensual' massage rather than a bog-standard massage from the hotel spa. . .

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