Namechanged for this; the shame. DP and I moved in together 3 months ago - and you're going to tell me that I should have done my due diligence before doing so, and I agree. Blinded by love, bla bla, stupid stupid, I understand I am lying in the bed I made.
He hasn't told most of his family about me yet. He told his parents he was 'seeing someone' but not that we live together - they are worriers, apparently, and he is going through issues with his ex (who doesn't sound stable) and his kids. I wasn't involved in their break-up, but it's something that from what he says is still raw in his ex and kids' mind - breakup was instigated by him. I understand his point, but how long am I expected to wait on this? A year? Two years??
So his parents don't know about me. His ex and kids don't. His brother does, but none of his other siblings - his friends know and I've met them, but not met the brother.
On the flipside I've introduced him to my mum and my DC see him regularly, plus my ex is fully aware of my new relationship. I feel I had to strong-arm him into telling his parents he wsa even seeing someone, and that I have integrated him into my life, but not vice versa. I thought he would tell them once things had settled down with his ex but she continues not to settle, and I think he's too scared to.
He makes sense when he says his ex and kids will find the idea of me upsetting (and actually I believe that his ex would make it very difficult for him to see their kids out of spite, if she heard he was in a new relationship, hence my quietitude so far), but tbh in that case I don't feel he should be in a relationship - he's living a double life. I love him very much but I want a relationship that doesn't make me feel like a dirty secret.
It's making me really resent him. I don't want to give up on our relationship as he's a good DP and makes me happy 99% of the time but then I think if he was a 'good DP' I wouldn't be a secret to his family - if you're living with someone your parents should have met them, right??
AIBU? And obviously, WWYD?
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Relationships
Am I being unreasonable about this?
feelingresentful · 03/04/2013 16:34
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