Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

H not getting on with dd

(188 Posts)
npg1 Mon 01-Apr-13 14:22:18

Hi. Need some advice, its making me miserable.

I have married my new partner. I have 2 children aged 10 and 6. Dd1 loves her step dad, dd2 is going through a funny phase at the moment. She gets upset and in moods easily which really winds H up. He thinks I baby her too much. He says she winds him up all the time, that she is nasty and he doesbt like her. I am finding her difficult at the moment, making me very stressed out too. Both dds have gone through alot of change recently. Their dad has a new baby in family now.

H has just said to me he would rather be at work! He lounges around not wanting to go out and wonders why the kids r climbing the walls.

Any advice please x

npg1 Mon 08-Apr-13 15:31:41

I know your all right, I really do. A week down the line and its flared up again arghhh

AllThatGlistens Mon 08-Apr-13 15:34:05

So why wait? Why let your daughter suffer anymore??

Put your child first, not your bullying husband.

izzyizin Mon 08-Apr-13 15:39:57

What's 'flared up' again? Him using Aworks, him demeaning and diminishing your little dd, him continuing to expect to be waited on hand and foot, him pressuring you to give him more money.... the list is endless, isn't it?

This man has no redeeming features whatsoever, so why are you rolling over for him at the expense of your dc as well as your purse?

npg1 Mon 08-Apr-13 15:47:11

Just him being fed up with the kids again. We went out and he said how unappreciative they r.

izzyizin Mon 08-Apr-13 15:57:34

And he's appreciative of the thousands of £'s you've spent on him and the way you turn yourself inside out to please him and encourage your dc to do the same, is he?

npg1 Mon 08-Apr-13 16:09:02

He has text me and told me he isnt moving out of the house and we will have to live together for a while. I said no way I want him out. Its rented, I was here first.

Machli Mon 08-Apr-13 16:09:33

Sorry if you've said but is the house in your name?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 08-Apr-13 16:22:01

So a trip out and the DCs weren't adequately grateful? That's real life OP not a tv ad with a shot of happy family zero stress look-at-us. He might have had a genuinely good time but still find something to moan about.

Do yourself a favour, you can't spend every day trying to deflect criticism or urging the DCs to supply an "appropriate" response. Do the girls a kindness - if he found something to grump about whilst you were there, how's he going to act when he's on his own with them?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 08-Apr-13 16:23:11

Just saw your last post - stand firm or he'll play nice and wheedle again.

He has no choice - he has to move out.
I'd be calling in re-inforcements if you have them.
Challenge him with some support and ask him to leave and make sure your friend or family member back you up.
Get him out - good luck!

izzyizin Mon 08-Apr-13 16:58:38

Is this going to be another groundhog day? He comes home, announces he's leaving, has a shit/shower/shave, changes his mind, lolls on sofa playing with himself Adultworks, waits until you have gone to bed before climbing in and giving you a 'cuddle'...

This is the man you moved into your home and into your dds' lives within a few months of meeting him.

This is the man who you subsequently discovered had credit card debts of some £2,000+ due in part to his use of Adultworks and its various services.

This is the man who logged into porn sites within minutes of returning from a family holiday with your dds and who had/has no compunction about using these sites in your home regardless of whether your dds are present.

This is the man whose debts you paid from your savings.

This is the man you went into debt for in order to pay for your £10,000+ wedding to him.

This is the man who wants you to take on more dc in order to bring in more money from your childminding venture.

This is the man who wanted you to rack up more debt in the last week or so by buying him a new/another car... have you signed on the dotted line?

This is the man who doesn't lift a finger in your home.

This is the man who torments your 6yo dd and isn't fit to be anywhere near either of your dds.

But you're prepared to overlook all of the above because this is the man with a golden dick you 'love' him and can't do without him.

Helltotheno Mon 08-Apr-13 19:40:12

OP stop fannying about and just DITCH HIM!!
You're just using the 'I got here first' argument to put off the moment and wait for him to change... here's the newsflash: he won't change. He doesn't like your kids and obviously doesn't like being married either.

Quit playing about here because this can and will come back to bite you if you don't do something about it.

Find another place to live and get your DC out of there and swear off men for a while, eh?

beautyfades Mon 08-Apr-13 20:18:17

I feel for you op, but do it sooner rather than later, he's no good an you know it.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now