Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

OH being a twat

(31 Posts)
SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Sun 31-Mar-13 21:44:09

Have a feeling this will be rather long - but don't want to leave anything out

Me and OH have been together nearly 2years, both still living with parents. About 2 months ago I found texts on his phone from a woman he works with - texts weren't innocent. He deleted her number, changed shifts etc to get away from her yet she carried on.

Since I found out I've been 'diagnosed' with depression - OH refuses to accept it and says I'm not due to having good days and bad days.

Me and OH mum have never got on and since the texts were discovered its been a lot worse, she's even told him to leave me and get with this other woman. I reacted badly and called her stuff I shouldn't have. Since that she's basically stopped my OH seeing me/staying at mine - loads of strain on relationship as he won't tell her to fuck off or even do it politely.

To be honest I don't know what to do anymore.. Advice please

TurnipCake Sun 31-Mar-13 21:46:33

Is it really worth it? Him, the texts, his mother? I think you'd be surprised how much better your mental health would get if you called it a day

tribpot Sun 31-Mar-13 21:49:03

Errr, I'm guessing you must be quite young if you're both still living with your parents, but unless you are actually teenagers, how on earth is his mum stopping him from seeing you?!

Your diagnosis of depression, was it from a doctor? You seem to doubt whether it's correct or not? Frankly I'd be depressed with such a thoroughly unsupportive boyfriend as well.

The text relationship is obviously still going on - I would imagine if he really wanted her to stop texting he would block her number / ask her to stop. Obviously deleting her number doesn't actually achieve anything.

Overall the picture you paint is of someone very immature who has little respect for you. This will not help you to recover from your depression.

I would take his mum's interference for the favour she clearly doesn't intend it to be, and ditch him. Focus on putting your own needs first and getting well.

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Sun 31-Mar-13 21:49:07

Forgot to mention

We tried calling it a day, I then tried the kill myself hence the depression finally coming out

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Sun 31-Mar-13 21:50:35

Tribpot - both in 20's.
text relationship not going on as he changed his number.

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Sun 31-Mar-13 21:51:00

Oh and diagnosis was from doc after trying to kill myself

tribpot Sun 31-Mar-13 21:52:55

Right, so you attempted suicide but he says there's nothing wrong with you as you have good days and bad days? And now his mum has banned him he's just staying away? I think that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about this guy.

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Sun 31-Mar-13 21:55:20

His mum hasn't banned him as such just put huge limits on it - can only stay on a Sat night and only see me on a week evening until 10pm

pictish Sun 31-Mar-13 21:56:35

Ditch his mama's boy ass.

pictish Sun 31-Mar-13 21:57:49

How old is this guy?

His mum dictates when he's allowed out to his girlfriend's??

Wtf is going on here?

You are too good for him.

Walk away from him and his interfering mother, he's a mistake you don't need in your life now or the future.

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Sun 31-Mar-13 21:59:28

He's 22 - he's admitted he's scared of upsetting her - she's thrown chairs at him for coming home at 2am after a night out.
She's pinned me against a wall because I stood up to her and told her she can't dictate his life - police were involved with that

ImperialBlether Sun 31-Mar-13 21:59:33

I'm so sorry you got to such a terrible point that you wanted to kill yourself and I really hope you have come back from that brink now. If you still feel so bad, you really must go back to the GP.

I think when you have relationships in your twenties they are often intense but then they peter out. Over a couple of years you can change quite a lot. It's no wonder you were suffering from depression when you were going out with an unfaithful prick. Anyone would. Now's your chance though to make a better future for yourself.

See this as the start of your life. How do you want to live? Where do you want to live? Are you happy in your job? What do you like to do?

Life's too short to spend with men like this. Your life would be a misery if you had his mum as a MIL. Really, there are lovely men out there. Please don't hang on to this man for any longer. He might have been fun at the start, but now you have been so ill because of him and he is belittling your illness. You need to move on, wave goodbye to him and have a lovely life without him.

TheEasterBunnyVsTheKids Sun 31-Mar-13 22:00:37

Sorry, he's in his 20s and his mummy only lets him out til 10pm?

WTAF??

hmm

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Sun 31-Mar-13 22:02:35

I know it's a joke - even my 18year old brother is allowed out until he feels he wants to come home!!

Doha Sun 31-Mar-13 22:05:27

FFS he is tied to his mothers apron strings and at 22 he is all the man he is ever going to be. If you want to face a lifetime of her interference, stay with him. You will suffer from depression your life will be shit.
On the other hand ditch him- and his mother. There is someone out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

TheEasterBunnyVsTheKids Sun 31-Mar-13 22:05:53

X post, sorry.

She sounds toxic.

Why on earth has he not moved out? I get that he doesn't want to upset her, but he needs to cut the apron strings.

EllaFitzgerald Sun 31-Mar-13 22:08:26

He's in his twenties and his mum is giving him a curfew? Sweetheart, is it really worth it? He doesn't acknowledge your depression, he didn't tell you about the texts, there's no indication that he would have told you had you not found them on his phone and your relationship is not at its best. If you stay together, could you cope with that for the next 60 years?

I can't see how this is going to make you happy, either short or long term.

pictish Sun 31-Mar-13 22:08:28

She will never ever ever ever leave you and him alone to conduct an adult relationship. There will always be three in the relationship...you, him and mama.

I'd let her keep him myself.

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Sun 31-Mar-13 22:10:19

Thanks - you've confirmed what I was thinking

Bogeyface Sun 31-Mar-13 22:15:02

You will never win. Ever. She will always come first because he is scared of her so you or any other GF he has will always have to toe the line. As my husband said to me when we had issues with his mother "It isnt you she is angry with, its my wife" meaning that whoever he had married, she would hate his wife. Kate Middleton wouldnt have been good enough for her precious son.

Thankfully my H told her were to go, I dont think yours will.

And you know the worst thing? He will spend his life lonely because of her. She will see that she has won, but all she will have achieved is 2 sons (she will do it to the other one too when he gets serious with someone) who wont get married or have children because she has driven away all the girlfriends.

Bogeyface Sun 31-Mar-13 22:16:40

Oh, and that is leaving aside the whole text thing, that is worth leaving him for on its own. I ended my marriage as a direct result of a sexting affair.

Numberlock Sun 31-Mar-13 22:18:03

Forget about him and concentrate on getting your mental health really strong.

Have you addressed the issues that led to the suicide attempt? Were they all ties up with him?

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Sun 31-Mar-13 22:18:50

His older brother is in a long term relationship - enagaged - and the bitch is happy with it - must be me she doesn't like as I called police and had her done for assault

SaveWaterDrinkMalibu Sun 31-Mar-13 22:19:37

The majority were to do with him and her although some were issues with dad

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now