ExH left to be with his OW 18mths ago. We had been together for 15 yrs ish. He had an affair for over a year (he did the normal thing of leaving and not saying why, coming back and continuing the affair and eventually I asked him to leave again.
It was pretty much the textbook story that you see here all the time. I was devastated. It has taken all my energy over the past couple of years to move past it (ish). My DC's are 4 & 6.
I have never said a bad word about their DF or his GF to them. I have also not told them that they were together when we were (think they are too young). I have been very friendly to their DF over this period of time (it has nearly killed me!) as I didn't want the children to have to deal with any negative feeling between us. He comes to the house one night a week (not routine due to work) to do bed time and they go to him EOW. I invite him to all birthday parties, school events. He has been living with his GF for around 6mths (it was left to my 6 year old to tell me).
They are asking me repeatedly to meet DF's girlfriend. Saying she wants to be my friend! I have said no. I say I am happy they have fun with her and that she is nice to them and I'm always glad to hear about their time with their DF and her but that she is not someone for me to be friends with.
I really really really do not want to meet this woman. I think she is nice to my DC (for now!) but she treated me absolutely appallingly for years (happy to be my ex's GF while I sat at home with our babies clueless). Every bit of emotional strength I have goes on keeping a polite relationship with Ex (obviously this is only because of DC) and trying to minimise the emotional effects on my DC.
What would you have wanted your DM/DF to do in this situation? Is it very damaging for them if I can't do this (I wouldn't want them to have to do it if they ever ended up in this situation).
Also do you think that they should be told at some stage that their DF's relationship started out as an affair and at what age. I would rather they didn't have to know this but am so worried about lying to them when the obvious question is asked (the 6yr old has skirted round the question already). I don't want both their parents to be liars and I'm worried about the impact on them if they find out when much older (some awful reveal).
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
If either of your DP's left for an OM/OW when you were a child - please come chat to me
TempEasterName · 31/03/2013 20:46
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