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The evening didn't end well...

(65 Posts)
Herecomesbod Fri 22-Mar-13 03:03:18

'D' H went to a colleague's leaving do after work, with my blessing. I'm currently on ML with DS and coincidentally DD was also at home with me today after our CM fell ill.

I went to bed at 10pm having fed DS who's still in our room. No idea what time H got home but DS woke at 1.30 for a feed. Whilst I fed DS, H got out of bed and pissed against the wall of the bedroom.

At first I just gently called out to hime to go to the bathroom, he said "I am in the bathroom". I told him he was weeing up against the radiator and he said "no I'm not." etc.

I couldn't get out of bed to move him into the bathroom as DS was still attached to me, and anyway H had finished marking his territory at this point and got back into bed. He'd left his shirt on the floor so I used that to soak up the wee.

I couldn't get back to sleep and ended up shouting at him to wake up, then moving the bedclothes to get a response. Finally he woke up and I really let rip at him. I even shoved the wee-soaked shirt in his face. Finally he responded by punching my arm. He reckons that of course he didn't piss up against our bedroom wall, that he's not drunk and why am I allowed to shove urine-soaked clothes in his face while he has to lie there and take it. Then he got back into bed.

I then moved DS into the spare bedroom with me. H followed me. I grabbed one of the phone extensions and dialled two nines and told him I would dial a third if he came near me. He kept telling me not to be so ridiculous, that of course he didn't piss in our bedroom and how come I'm the one allowed to wake him up by shoving a wet shirt in his face. I told him he'd really pissed his chips - literally.

Bit of background... In January, during a particularly heated argument, he punched me so hard in the arm it left a massive deep bruise for weeks. He also kicked me on the arse whilst I was holding DS. I told him that was his final warning and that I wouldn't tolerate DV.

Don't know why I'm posting really. I've read so much MN that the next step is obvious. He's off to a client meeting later this morning (flying, not driving). I intend to make sure he arrives home to a packed bag of essentials and a note telling him I don't want anything to do with him except through a solicitor.

I know it sounds like a massive overreaction on my part but I can't risk an escalation in violence with the DCs.

Thanks for reading my rant...

differentnameforthis Sat 23-Mar-13 11:46:09

He'd left his shirt on the floor so I used that to soak up the wee

not that is makes a difference, but he didn't piss on his shirt...

TheProvincialLady Sat 23-Mar-13 10:46:35

PLEASE contact the police now, rather than keeping evidence etc. What is holding you back? Of course the tosser doesn't want you to, but what is holding YOU back? He assaulted you, it's illegal, it's immoral, it's dangerous. Your relationship is over and you don't need to protect him, his precious reputation or his career etc etc. What you need is help and support and the police will be able to help you with that, if you let them. You might well find that he doesn't react well to finding his bags packed....contact the police and get their support. Please.

IamthegreatProcrastinator Sat 23-Mar-13 10:37:24

OP you sound like a very strong woman. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to do what you're doing. Good for you!!

SpecialAgentDaenerysTargaryen Sat 23-Mar-13 10:29:59

DV apologists always leave me in two frames of mind:

A.) They are projecting their own abusive tendencies/the fact they're in an abusive relationship
B.) Extreme distress that people are that heartless.

Follyfoot Sat 23-Mar-13 10:11:48

I dont think they would do anything with a 99 call - after all, it hasnt actually connected to anywhere so they wouldnt know.

My DD - then a toddler - rang 999 one day by accident and without my knowledge. The police did turn up, bless them.

MammaTJ Fri 22-Mar-13 23:18:07

Ripley, I am surprised the OP has not heard from the police. Am I now wrong in what I said earlier about them going to two 9s calls?

They certainly used to!

tightfortime Fri 22-Mar-13 23:15:17

So I'm sitting in bed feeding my child and my pissed OH, who hasn't the cop on to sleep in spare room when mortal, pisses everywhere. After he has already assaulted me. I, in the old EA passive days, would have taken baby to spare room and seethed, sleepless while he snored in his piss. And had the same row the next day only with a hungover twunt.

Dead right you shoved the shirt. Straw, camel, back. And I'm usually pro-pacification. Didn't get me anywhere.

Dead right, IMHO

It's not anger management, or goading. It's just bloody p'd off and at end of tether.

Hang in there x

You really need to get this man out. There's no excuse for violence. No justification whatsoever. It seems to be becoming a habit for him. You need to end it before you become desensitized to it. I say that because that's what happened to my mum. She'd joke "oh, it was only a black eye this time. At least i'm not on crutches this time" "looks like I'll be wearing my hair up for a few weeks to hide this patch of missing hair" etc. It was only when he attacked me when I was 13 that she realised how bad a situation we were all in and finally threw him out. The beatings happened mostly when my dad had had a drink. It seemed if he couldn't remember doing it then it didn't happen sad

Incidently 112 is the European equivalent of 999. The number you need to call is 101 to log what has already happened. I'm a 999/112 operator and depressingly it appears the amount of calls relating to DV are rising.

Good luck Op smile

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Fri 22-Mar-13 18:33:52

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

It was his piss-soaked shirt! But even if the OP had pissed on a shirt and then shoved it in his face it still wouldn't justify physically assaulting her!

EggyFucker Fri 22-Mar-13 18:16:00

OP sounds completely rational about this, to me

I do hope you have come to the realisation that if you have come down to the level of provoking each other then it is Game Over.

colditz Fri 22-Mar-13 18:10:02

The shirt was only piss soaked because he pissed on it.

NatashaBee Fri 22-Mar-13 17:54:59

Yes, OP probably shouldn't have shoved the shirt in his face. But I agree that he crossed a line when he pissed in his son's bedroom, and after the previous incidents he should have stopped drinking if he was genuinely remorseful.

I hope everything goes OK from here onwards, OP, and that you don't have any issues with him.

FayeKorgasm Fri 22-Mar-13 17:27:09

Well done Here and good luck.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Fri 22-Mar-13 16:59:41

No it is not okay for him to punch you.

But it is ALSO not okay for you to shove a piss soaked shirt in his face.

You both sound aggressive to me!

Herecomesbod Fri 22-Mar-13 16:54:53

KeepCool so it's ok for him to punch me then? Back you go to Apologists Anonymous there's a dear.

Haven't got the energy to repeat the phrase "As I think I stated upthread..."

Lueji Fri 22-Mar-13 16:29:52

A pissed man who had just pissed in the bedroom?

Seriously?

Even so, he had been violent before and it was a nasty punch.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Fri 22-Mar-13 16:24:55

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Herecomesbod Fri 22-Mar-13 15:52:00

Being have found your thread. So sorry you're going through this shit too. flowers

Herecomesbod Fri 22-Mar-13 15:43:41

Peka exactly.

McBalls well quite.

Xales I think I stated somewhere upthread that it wouldn't have provoked such an extreme reaction in me had it just been me in the room. H's actions were akin to that of say, a sleepwalker. But just imagine, as I did last night, if he'd walked over to DS's Moses basket and emptied his bladder onto his sleeping son. Now can you see where I'm coming from? It's the lack of control, of any kind of regard for anyone else that really got me.

Gingerandcocoa Fri 22-Mar-13 14:23:28

Be strong, hope today will mark a new beginning for you and your DC.

Peka Fri 22-Mar-13 14:15:38

But some of these comments are suggesting the OP started the events that happened to her when clearly she was just in bed Breastfeeding her child and minding her own business... I was just pointing out that the violation started much before the punch ffs!

FarBetterNow Fri 22-Mar-13 14:13:43

After the January violence, he should have become tee total to considerably lessen the chances of himself becoming violent again.

He really didn't try very hard for very long.

McBalls Fri 22-Mar-13 14:00:57

'He PISSED IN YOUR BEDROOM!!?? I am amazed by the reactions on this thread...'
'That is totally rank and disgusting why is no one commenting on that? '

Probably because everyone is more concerned about Herecomesbod being punched. Nothing strange about that.

Peka Fri 22-Mar-13 13:42:25

He PISSED IN YOUR BEDROOM!!?? I am amazed by the reactions on this thread... Is that normal behaviour? What is the world coming to? I'd have chucked him out and changed the locks just for that IMMEDIATELY! That is totally rank and disgusting why is no one commenting on that? It's so out of order I don't even know where to start I'd feel utterly degraded just sharing air space in a room with someone who did that and don't think your reaction was out of proportion at all tbh... what were you supposed to do, just lie quietly in bed next to him? And being drunk isn't an excuse it really isn't especially for a fully grown man, he's not a fucking student who has never tasted alcohol before... He's a father and husband. Jeez! I totally disagree with those who said you were being abusive to him anyone would lose their rag in that situation. It's the kind of thing that a mother would weep to imagine her tiny child would have to endure in their life...

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