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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Oh crap - I think I've made myself look rather foolish

174 replies

ParanoidPrue · 07/03/2013 23:00

I've just sent the following email to both H and someone he's been emailing in a slightly less than professional capacity:

Hello to you both

Whilst it is heartwarming to watch your blossoming romance via the internet, I wonder if either of you could spare a thought for the poor pathetic wife in this scenario? I'm sure that you both will protest that this exchange between you is entirely innocent and that you simply have a connection as "friends". But whilst you exchange your star-signs and discuss hobbies, I do have to wonder why you both choose to do this via private email addresses rather than your work emails... could it be that you have something to hide perhaps? Or perhaps you're concerned that both of your respective employers will catch on to the fact that you are conducting daily phonecalls under the guise of work. Far be it for someone as lowly as a wife to question her husband once again putting in danger our family's only income for the sake of this "friendship" but it seems to me that innocent people don't conduct themselves in this fashion.

I guess that I should be relieved that the distance between you prevents this friendship spilling into the physical realm as it has in the past for the poor innocent husband. Oh but my dear, please do not concern yourself - (H) will soon be young free and single once more and you will be free to meet and discuss your match on one of your trips to London. (H) has no such qualms about something as trivial as marriage holding him back from such a meeting - you see, this is not the first time and I'm sure will not be the last. In fact, he has quite a penchant for single mothers so it seems that this dalliance was meant to be. Unfortunately (or fortunately) for him, his wife is not so forgiving and for her, this will be the last time. I do hope that the friendship was worth it my dear husband.

Oh crap oh crap oh crap - I look bonkers don't I? In my defence, there's a massive back story and I just saw a bit red when I found the emails (half of which had been deleted from H's side)......Hit me with it - I feel sorry for her now, she's probably not got a clue that he's a nasty predatory wanker and perhaps she really was seeking friendship

OP posts:

Report

MustafaCake · 07/03/2013 23:05

I'm so sorry that your husband is being such a huge shit.

But very glad to hear that you are getting rid of him!

Don't worry what his "friend" thinks, if it was me I'd be glad of the warning! You don't sound bonkers at all, you sound remarkably composed.

Good luck for what is to come.

StuntGirl · 07/03/2013 23:07

I think you come across far more composed and controlled than I would in this situation.

Are you ok? Are you safe? Xx

Doogle2 · 07/03/2013 23:08

I agree. You don't sound mad and I think your message is clear. Well done for having the guts to address it.
I'm sorry you are having a rough time and hope it improves soon.

MissLurkalot · 07/03/2013 23:08

Bloody marvellous! I love it! You absolutely rock!
No foolishness here... Just great writing.
Well done. x

ParanoidPrue · 07/03/2013 23:10

Thank you both - I dont feel calm but I guess I've just put up with this shit one too many times. It's particularly galling because we recently separated for two months and I came back on the understanding that he would stop all this crap (amongst other things)....

I think I'm safe stuntgirl - if he kicks off, I have a plan but I'd sooner call the rozzers and put his arse out so he'd be doing me a massive favour. God, I sound like such a heartless bitch and i am so so done (in).

OP posts:

schwelley · 07/03/2013 23:10

My first post on MN, and I'm so pleased I have found such a worthy message to reply to... You go girl! I can only imagine the sick feeling they will both get when they read it - so fair play on going for the kill!

You spoke with confidence and empowerment, and I bloody loved it :)

(Also, sorry that you've had to deal with such shite from your husband)... I truly hope you are able to resolve the situation - whichever way it works out xxx

ParanoidPrue · 07/03/2013 23:10

Thanks guys

OP posts:

TeamEdward · 07/03/2013 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ParanoidPrue · 07/03/2013 23:11

First post Schwelley? Wow I'm honoured Time to get stuck into AIBU!

OP posts:

BookieMonster · 07/03/2013 23:12

You don't sound foolish, you sound empowered.

TobyLerone · 07/03/2013 23:12

I'll be the lone voice of dissent and say yes, you look utterly bonkers.

Hope it all works out for you.

ParanoidPrue · 07/03/2013 23:13

Aaah TE - he's not a cocklodger anymore He's just a super twat who thinks he can carry on twatting about and charm my knickers off every once in a while until it blows over and he can twat about again. The buck stops here Twat.

OP posts:

StuntGirl · 07/03/2013 23:13

You should be proud for having the strength to get rid of this dead weight!

I'm glad you have a plan, don't be afraid to call the police if you think he's going to get violent.

Are you able to make copies of the email and any financial/personal paperwork for evidence?

FaceCake · 07/03/2013 23:14

As the others have said, it makes you sound calm and composed. Well done for addressing both of them, that definitely makes things better than just emailing her.

It looks like you're doing the right thing in walking away, you deserve far better.

BunnyLebowski · 07/03/2013 23:15

Anyone who believes horoscopes to be a worthwhile topic of conversation is an outright twat.

Get rid of him. Worry not about her. Be proud of your snarkily articulate and (for him) sphincter-tightening email.

ParanoidPrue · 07/03/2013 23:15

TobyLerone - you see I knew it'd all be a matter of perspective - one person's strong kick arse woman is another's crazed woman scorned...

I'm not concerned about looking bonkers to him tbh but that poor girl, i feel like utter shit when I think about how she'll feel reading that. But honestly I had to do something. I just could not have another roundabout conversation with him where he minimises it all and makes me feel like I'm bonkers for even thinking that what he does is inappropriate at best and cheating at worst. I know she's not the cause of all this angst and I do feel sorry for hurting her.

OP posts:

akaemmafrost · 07/03/2013 23:16

No, I think it's bloody brilliant!

longingforsomesleep · 07/03/2013 23:16

Paranoid - you come across as an intelligent, very articulate and very calm person who has reached the end of the line. No ranting, no hysteria, no name-calling or mud-slinging, just a beautifully crafted piece of prose which contrasts perfectly with your husband's pathetic behaviour. You can hold your head high for conducting yourself so well.

schwelley · 07/03/2013 23:17

Haha - yes Prue - first ever post! Im prepared to leave my life behind and join in...;)

Ive read your post a couple of times, and I am still loving it!!! I also agree you're a bit bonkers, but that has only proved to be a good thing. You have done what so many people would want to - but never have the bloody balls!

ParanoidPrue · 07/03/2013 23:18

Yes, he's going to hit the roof Stuntgirl and yes sphincter tightening will be his first reaction (thank you for that image Bunny!) but after that he'll go mad. I'm fully prepared (ish) and will sleep on the sofa downstairs tonight so that when he gets up in the early morning to check his emails and wank off to adultwork he won't wake the kids up to get to me.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 07/03/2013 23:20

Has he mentioned it since? Were you expecting him home tonight?

cjel · 07/03/2013 23:21

I think it is amazing and wish I'd had the courage to write what I felt at the time. I was worried I'd rant and be silly but you've got it just right. Hope you stay strong.

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StuntGirl · 07/03/2013 23:22

So you think he won't see the email 'til the morning? Is there any way you could arrange a friend or someone to be in the house tomorrow morning? Children aren't always enough of a reason to stop violent men :(

almostanotherday · 07/03/2013 23:23

Well done, that was very calm and well written OP and I hope you will move on from that and be well rid of the tosserman.

ParanoidPrue · 07/03/2013 23:24

He's been here all night IB - he's been asleep since after he begrudgingly helped put the kids to bed (one of his attempts to salvage our relationship which is sadly slipping). I sent it about half an hour ago so no doubt he'll check his emails in the morning - he always wakes up dead early so if by some miracle, he wants to discuss it before he leaves for work at 7am I'll be happy to do that. I'm not holding my breath though. I'm quite sure that there'll be alot of ranting about how I put his job at risk, embarrassed him blah blah blah. Quite frankly I could not give a shit. I know how that makes me sound but honestly I'm so over the wanker.

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