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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Second date

80 replies

ConfuzzledMummy · 18/02/2013 19:23

I recently met a man and were seeing each other. On Saturday we went out to an Italian and had a few drinks. He admitted after he's a bit skint so I suggested we stay in this Friday and watch a film or something. Is this a bit weird to do considering its only our second date?

OP posts:

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ParsleyTheLioness · 18/02/2013 19:35

Mmm...it's a long since I had a date, so not sure. Could you do something free, but outside, if the weather is ok? Walk round a lake, by the river, canal or something. Just wondering if it might raise expectations of dtd iuswim...

thecatneuterer · 18/02/2013 19:36

It's not at all weird, in fact it happens all the time. But you do know he will be expecting sex don't you?

ConfuzzledMummy · 18/02/2013 19:38

well we've already been there lol! So that's no problem there

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thecatneuterer · 18/02/2013 19:39

lol. That's fine then. So why are you wondering if it's weird to stay in?

izzyizin · 18/02/2013 19:40

Stay in where? Your place or his?

ParsleyTheLioness · 18/02/2013 19:40

That's what I wondered Cat... depends on if you want to do the Horizontal Lambarda. Also, do you lower the goalposts, and set a precedent for staying in most of the time? Or museum, art gallery, followed by a coffee? Depending on what's on locally?

deedotty · 18/02/2013 19:40

Aye, I kind of agree with ParsleyTheLioness - of course NOTHING wrong with second date nakedness if you want it but snuggling on a sofa does create a cosy "intimate" atmosphere straight away. Plus I think depending on how the dating progresses, you might not want to put yourself in the "I'm the hostess" role straight away or there might be an expectation created there?

Free museums, depending on location/time? Stop for ONE coffee in a really nicely located coffee shop? You can always go "back to mine" later.

PS You're not "weird" for doing anything, you're just fine, everyone has a different perspective on things

ParsleyTheLioness · 18/02/2013 19:41

Ha, cross posts...

ConfuzzledMummy · 18/02/2013 19:42

Well that's why I thought it might be weird parsley. Is it lowering the standards too soon? We would be at mine.

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deedotty · 18/02/2013 19:42

Ha ha, great minds think alike and all that ...

ConfuzzledMummy · 18/02/2013 19:43

Thankyou Dee

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ParsleyTheLioness · 18/02/2013 19:47

If I knew then what I know now, lol.... I think I have been a bit keen in the past to make life easy, and to host, provide food and wine etc. In hindsight, I'm not sure I was any better regarded for it. I'm not criticising, we all need some rumpy pumpy!

ConfuzzledMummy · 18/02/2013 19:48

well I'll be getting all sorts of treats to eat and drink in. Just hope im not rushing into things

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ParsleyTheLioness · 18/02/2013 19:53

Just from my own experience, so may well be my 'ishoo' I have been a bit too generous in the past, then gradually cottoned on to the idea that I was financing more than my fair share of stuff...it's a lot harder to stop it, than it is not to start it I think. Just might be something to be aware of, that may never be relevant to your situation.

izzyizin · 18/02/2013 19:58

Staying in at yours? Forget it. That'll be setting a dangerous precedent of you paying for heating/lighting and no doubt snacks/beverages with optional breakfast while you're cosied up on your sofa shagging watching a movie for every date you have with Mr Skint.

If you can't find a free event to attend on Friday night, meet up in a Wetherspoons or similar where the price of a pint/g&t is less than a coffee in many London establishments and, if there's any 'going back to mine' after your date, make sure it's back to his so you can at least have opportunity to check he's single what he seems to be - and don't forget to text his address to a friend before you go to his place.

Corygal · 18/02/2013 20:01

Well I think it's fine if you suggested it, but I'd be wary of setting a precedent of booty calling - quite early in the day for that.

izzyizin · 18/02/2013 20:02

I'll be getting all sorts of treats to eat and drink in Rushing? Bloody hell, it's a stampede. Why? Are you desperate for another shag to have a man in your life?

ConfuzzledMummy · 18/02/2013 20:09

Izzy that wasnt the question i was asking advice about you dont know my situation. Please dont assume i just want another shag in my life!

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superstarheartbreaker · 18/02/2013 20:11

Oh come on guys...what's wrong with staying in for a shag? It's a recession fgs. You'd only be staying in alone I guess if you weren't dating so don't stress about cock lodging and using up your gas and electric just yet. Do stress about it if Mr skint never ever suggests going out in the future.

superstarheartbreaker · 18/02/2013 20:11

And there's nothing wrong with being desperate for a shag op!

superstarheartbreaker · 18/02/2013 20:12

I like all the cosying up on the sofa pretending to watch a dvd whislt getting naked etc!

ConfuzzledMummy · 18/02/2013 20:12

And btw I've been to his before and I know he's single!

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ConfuzzledMummy · 18/02/2013 20:15

Thankyou superstar, if he wants to make a regular thing out out it well that's another story. I'll make it clear that as well as staying in I love going out

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izzyizin · 18/02/2013 20:24

I'm just trying to look out for your best interests, honey, but I must confess it wouldn't occur to me to invite a man back to my home for an evening in until we'd enjoyed a number of dates out or, possibly, a few at his place - with the onus on him to provide the entertainment snacks/beverages etc.

ParsleyTheLioness · 18/02/2013 20:27

I don't know if its an age thing, but I am 51 and have had my good nature taken advantage of too often to let it happen again so more careful now.

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