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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Like an Idiot I said I just wanted to be friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

24 replies

Honeysucklerose · 16/02/2013 07:25

Okay so had a first date in a long time , we got on really well and there was loads of chemistry!, we keep texting each other he does always in the morning and at night , sent me a Valentines card on the day!, but I ask him what his plans are for the weekend he says tidying the garden?.
I should explain like an IDIOT I told him I was just wanting a friend DOH ! how stupid am I , did not expect to really hit it off and like him so much as it was online and I have never had any luck only trouble before so I am very wary of men, now I do not know what to do , do I tell him I want more than friends or just leave it as I have made such a mess of things !.

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Report

Shybairns · 16/02/2013 07:30

Can you arrange another date? He probably won't make the next move so its up to you to take charge. Get flirting!

Honeysucklerose · 16/02/2013 07:37

God I hope so but feel such a complete twit! poor guy I must ha ve put his gas at a peep! flirting yea sounds good sorry been out of the game for awhile kinda forgotten how it works aargh!

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Shybairns · 16/02/2013 07:41

Just be really honest with him. That always works for me. Blokes don't always know how to read between the lines.
Text or call him and say ' how about when you've finished your gardening we go out for a drink/meal tonight? Having second thoughts about the just friends thing. '

What do you think?

WhoWhatWhereWhen · 16/02/2013 07:44

For gods sake don't flirt with him he will think you're a nut job who blows hot and cold (pardon the pun)

Just tell him the truth

TheFallenNinja · 16/02/2013 07:51

Mansplain alert!

It's pretty common knowledge the we men don't understand women, it's not right but there it is. Plenty of mumsnetters will attest to this.

We do sometimes need to have things directly put to us (particularly during the dance of an early relationship) so, if you like him but aren't yet sure where you want it to go, say that, no need to go into micro detail, we get that women are complex - we just struggle with that complexity. If you just want to be friends, say so.

Accept our limitations

Concentrateonthegood · 16/02/2013 08:00

This sounds like a situation a good friend of mine is in and I'm pretty certain he's gardening this weekend! He would want you to say that you would like to see him again. Be bold, you're only suggesting another meet and not marriage but I do understand your reticence. You really have nothing to lose here but you just might if you don't take a little step forward. Good luck!

Honeysucklerose · 16/02/2013 08:10

Fallen Ninja thank you so much for the help and advice , yea I had thought of just telling him and being upfront but was scared I would frighten him off! so this really helps from a Mans perspective I will give it a go what is there to lose, big hug in thanks .

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Honeysucklerose · 16/02/2013 08:23

Oh and Concentrateon the good great advice thank you!!!!

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Pipachi · 16/02/2013 08:29

Call him

Flojobunny · 16/02/2013 08:35

Say something like, had a great time at (wherever u went) would love to go on another date soon, let me know when u are free.
That way he knows its a date not a friends outing!

Honeysucklerose · 16/02/2013 08:46

Pipachu call him?? and say what ? sorry I am really nervous about this !

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Honeysucklerose · 16/02/2013 08:58

Okay done it phoned him got the answering machine!! so left a lighthearted message telling him I really enjoyed his company and would he like to do it again sometime and I am feeling all shaky wow! what an effect he must have on me!

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MushroomSoup · 16/02/2013 08:59

Just do it!!! Call or text NOW.
'I had a great time with you on Wednesday/Friday - are you free for another date soon?'

MushroomSoup · 16/02/2013 08:59

X post! Hurray!!!

Honeysucklerose · 16/02/2013 09:00

Mushroom thanks now is is the waiting!!!!

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TheFallenNinja · 16/02/2013 11:19

Good for you. Carpe Diem

Lovingfreedom · 16/02/2013 11:40

If he's really into you, you having said you want to be friends will probably have the effect of making him want you more. Keep in touch with him and don't be surprised if he starts trying to prove to you he's more than friend material.

Pipachi · 16/02/2013 16:25

Good for you!

Now the ball is in his court. Guys normally only make an effort if they are really interested. Soon you will know.

izzyizin · 16/02/2013 16:55

It's a tad worrying that you seem to have gone overboard for this man after one meet up - is that an air of desperation I detect in your tone?

Fgs don't rush to tell him you want to be whole lot more than friends on the strength of one meeting.

When it comes to meeting randoms on the net, it's a case of treat 'em mean and keep 'em keen until you've had opportunity to make sure they are what they claim to be.

Take your cue from him. If he wants to be more than just friends, he'll make it clear in his own time and, if not, you can walk away without egg on your face.

Honeysucklerose · 16/02/2013 18:26

Desperation well that is a first , hopefully I am just realising what a nice guy he seems after we have been corresponding and talking for 4 weeks before meeting , I know what you mean about treat em mean keep em keen , we will see how he shapes up and time will tell if he is worth the extra mile thanks anyway know you mean well.

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Honeysucklerose · 16/02/2013 18:28

P.S. And we just had a lovley 2nd lunch date he paid was a complete gentleman we laughed and laughed roll on date 3 thanks everyone on MN you are stars!

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MushroomSoup · 16/02/2013 18:58

Hurray again!!

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izzyizin · 16/02/2013 19:17

I like the sound of him - a robust shared sense of humour is one of my non-negotiable requirements in any prospective beau and I've often been laughed into bed on the strength of it

Keep it light and fun and see where it goes.. there's plenty of time for more serious chat.

Btw, the 'desperation' I referred to is the not uncommon phenomena which can occur when there has been a longstanding dearth of suitable fish worth playing keeping

Honeysucklerose · 16/02/2013 19:30

Thanks Izzy and Mushroom yea I know what you mean , I am still smiling , nothing to do with the Rose wine oops! only 2nd Glass , but by God it is so good to have your hand held again mmmmmmmmmmmmm thanks all! x

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