I've name changed as I'm not overly comfortable talking about my mum and the issues we've had.
I don't even know where to start with this so sorry if it's long and disjointed.
Firstly, there are 5 of us. I am the middle child and historically the least confrontational with her. I am the one she offloads to and it's largely due to my nod and pat mentality that allows her to spout anything without being questioned. But honestly, I can't take anymore.
My mum is a liar. MY whole life she's lied about anything and everything. With any given conversation over half will be bullshit. And it's not always big things. It's silly things like a neighbour gave her some cake or that she went for a walk and it rained but only in the very small area she was in ie - a certain road (but it's been sunny all day long...)
Most of this rubbish is designed to foster sympathy. She has no life. She has no friends - not one. She has no contact with her many siblings because they have all cut her off due to her lies.
To complicate matters she is disabled. She has a neurological condition that means she will get steadily worse and she will play on this. Telling us she can't walk to the shop without falling but she somehow managed to repaint the kitchen up a step ladder and all.
It's exhausting.
So much of my childhood was marred by this. She told us she had cancer a few weeks before my exams - she didn't but I was absolutely terrified and stressed and could hardly focus on studying. No surprise that I failed most of them. She was quite elaborate - going out on a specific day, returning home by taxi only to lay on the couch all day clutching a bowl. I know she was sick. I emptied bowls for her. But she was spotted shopping one week - came up with a story about being too scared to continue treatment (scaring us into thinking she's just going to die then...) and the following week scans showed the chemo had worked and she was cured - hallelujah.
She was married three times but no one stuck around once they figured her out. She dragged various guys through our lives and we were ignored during the honeymoon period. She stole and married my 16 year old sisters boyfriend. Those years were not fun!
My youngest brother lives with her. He is planning to move out in a few months. She's gotten wind of this and has ramped up the 'everyone hates me' crap.
My eldest brother and sister have all but shut her out. My brother has serious mental health and addiction issues which he attributes in part to her and his up bringing.
I am a single parent and as such, have no partner to concentrate on so have to support her as far as she's concerned. She is talking of moving in when my brother goes...
This weekend has been a major trigger for me. She has been bad for a week or so. My brother got a tax rebate - she snooped and found out. She is terrible with money. On benefits/DLA and constantly broke because she refuses to budget. She eats nothing but cake and crap and shops obsessively in charity shops for toys and clothes for the grandkids. All aimed at needing to be seen as a wonderful nanny and so very generous. But none of us want it. We all ask her not to. She'll blow a fortnights money in 4 days then cry to us all week that she has no bread or milk or painkillers. She takes codiene based painkillers 4 hourly throughout the day. A very clear addiction but refuses it. Uses her conditon as an excuse (it's not known to cause pain - we've spoken with her neurologist but she won't have it)
This is so long I'm sorry but now I've started I'm thinking of everything that's wrong and I don't want to drip feed. It seems unbelievable enough without me adding stuff as we go along!
But this weekend she babysat for me. I have not been out in 6 months, it was a family members birthday. She got through the door and sobbed that she's seen no one all week, they all hate her, my 23 year old brother never does anything with her - all he does is work nights, sleep all day then see his girlfriend and friends. So just your average young guy then... She then started talking about threatening letters shes been getting - firstly printed off ones but she burns them all straight away. She was heavily implying it was my older brother (one with MH/addiction issues). I didn't bite...she eventually just outright said it was him. I pointed out he has no printer. Suddenly they were hand written but photocopied to hide his handwriting (what??). All crap obviously. All designed for maximum sympathy and to push us apart as we've all been getting a bit close as siblings recently which she always feels jealous of.
Anyway, the point eventually is that her lies are getting worse. They are changing from the usual rubbish to vindictive spiteful things.
She is saying that one of my brothers is hurting his son. He NEVER would. She just wants something to complain about but he's the best one of the lot of us so can't find anything! THis type of thing could ruin him if SS got told.
She is saying one of us is threatening to harm her via these letters. That could do damage to my already fragile and paranoid brother. If he knew that, he would obsess that we believe her and push him further back with his recent progress.
Last night I found out she kept my 12yo DD up late talking about my dad.My dad and I have a distant relationship but my DD adores her grandad. My mum can't stand this so she set out to tell DD all about their crazy marriage and how he hated me as a child, favoured my brother etc etc. Very nasty stuff that a 12 year old doesn't need to know.
Now I feel awful for having her here. I think we've become so numb to it that I just think it'll be fine. I don't knwo why I ever agreed to her babysitting. I feel like I've put my kids at harm and failed them. All because I wanted a night out for a change.
It's such a mess.
I keep thinking I should cut her out.
But she'd have no one. The guilt is the only thing stopping me walking away for good.
I just think it's too late to sit her down and say "no more bullshit" It's so ingrained. What other choice do I have?
I'm so sorry this is so long. I just need to get it out.
I wish someone would tell me what to do. I know you can't but my head hurts from thinking about this.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
What should I do about my mum? Very long sorry!
7 replies
HugeSigh · 11/02/2013 09:56
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.