So, a while ago I posted about feeling hurt when I found out someone I thought was a close friend didn't tell me she was getting married that coming weekend.
I had been feeling that things were getting unbalanced as we had mostly talked about my new DD since she was born, but I had been trying to ask her about her life and her relationship when this occurred, although we hadn't met up in several months. I took a step back from the friendship, as it appeared we were in different places -- she grew up here, and I'm from afar, and while she was one of my few friends here, the reverse clearly wasn't true.
But I was glad I hadn't dropped her entirely when, after some half-hearted (on my part) and failed attempts to meet up, she saw me appear online and sent her big news -- she was pregnant! Doing the math, she couldn't have known more than 2 months before the wedding, and knowing how conservative her family is, I imagine those were quite a mad set of months and a rather rushed wedding, and perfectly understandable that someone she didn't see as a super-close friend didn't get informed (and it also seems that she doesn't like sharing big news except in person, as she apologised profusely for the manner of communication). So, we arranged to get together when I returned from a business trip and chat about pregnancy and stuff.
Then, when I returned, I discovered she had had her baby massively prematurely when I was away! I texted congratulations and she replied, and I've texted at week/two-intervals since with friendly hi's and asking about the baby. I asked if I could visit once, but she said they weren't ready for that yet. It appears the baby is doing well and I've heard from others that she was able to take her home some time ago. (Although this was after our last text, and I wondered a little why she didn't say anything in reponse to my asking about her DD, but I am willing to believe she was sleep deprived enough it didn't occur to her.)
So, I'm not sure what to do -- I can't tell if she appreciates my texts or thinks I'm weird and pushy for texting for no real reason. She only replies and never texts to me. I figured I could ask if DD was home and ask about another visit, but I kept putting it off until I could actually come for a visit, and things keep happening (like DH getting ill again! But this time he wasn't in hospital, at least). I've got a ton of stuff my DD has outgrown that I would be more than happy to pass on. I did mention that in an early text, but haven't since. I'm worried about seeming too pushy and like I think I'm a closer friend than I am (maybe she doesn't want DD's old stuff...).
I know that she's been through a ton, and I feel quite as reread this, as it looks like it's all about me-me-me... But the easiest thing would just to be not bother too much with her, and I'm worried if I do that I'm abandoning a friend when she really could use some interaction. Argh!
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Relationships
Not sure where I stand in this friendship - how to proceed?
madscimum · 10/02/2013 11:16
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