I've struggled with friendships to a certain degree since I was at secondary school. I have quite low confidence and self esteem. I think I must be OK though as I have lots of friends and acquaintances, who I think genuinely do like me, but I struggle with taking a friendship onto the next level.
About 4 years ago I became friends quite quickly with someone who I seemed to gel with very well and we became very close; talking daily by phone or text, meeting up most days, nights out etc. And I really thought that maybe I hadn't met the right friend before. To cut a long story short, I introduced her to another friend of mine about a year ago and the two hit it off and became close and I found myself dumped. No contact, no meet ups, nothing. I was devastated.
I figured if she dumped me as readily as she did and with no explanation then she probably wasn't a proper friend in the first place, and I didn't want any animosity. I do still see her as we live near each other, and when I do I am polite but there is no friendship there any longer.
My problem now is lack of confidence in taking any other new friendships onto the level of friendship I had with the other friend, because ultimately I am scared of rejection and in my mind something is telling me that every friend I have will get fed up with me eventually. I don't feel I can give much to a friendship, I don't dare to give much as I don't want to just be rejected again. If someone invites me to their house for a coffee or a chat, or on a night out then I go willingly, and enjoy myself, but I rarely suggest meeting up to anyone as I worry about rejection. The few times I have suggested anything to anyone in the past year they have been either unable to come, unable to fit me into their schedule, or they've cancelled at the last minute. So I give up really. But I know me feeling like I do is going to mean that I never take a friendship forward again into a close friendship.
I feel very lonely, although of course I have DH and my DCs. I really would like to have a good social life but I don't want to look desperate by asking people to meet up all the time, and I worry all the time that history will repeat itself and everyone will get fed up with me after a while.
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Relationships
How can I get my confidence back in friendships?
17 replies
Tulahoob · 09/02/2013 22:56
OP posts:
Adversecamber ·
09/02/2013 23:23
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