Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

what is the proper word for it

18 replies

Nagoo · 09/02/2013 20:17

when a person undermines you saying something like 'I don't care what everyone else says, I don't think you are a cunt, I always stick up for you when people are slagging you off' or similar words to that effect?

Clearly the intention is to make you doubt yourself and distrust your other friends, I know what she's doing, but I don't know what it is called.

OP posts:

Report

CailinDana · 09/02/2013 20:20

Being a bitch?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/02/2013 20:20

It's like she's paying you a backhanded compliment but that's not exactly it, is it.

Not very pleasant, anyway.

SamSmalaidh · 09/02/2013 20:20

A backhanded compliment?

ItWentThatWay · 09/02/2013 20:21

Gaslighting?

Losingexcessweight · 09/02/2013 20:23

patronising

Wewereherefirst · 09/02/2013 20:24

Being a cunt? Or gaslighting

jkklpu · 09/02/2013 20:26

damning with faint praise?

kalidanger · 09/02/2013 20:27

It's not very nice at all, that's what it is.

Is this a 'friend'? Relative?

ThreeBeeOneGee · 09/02/2013 20:28

Oooh, I had an ex that used to do this. He would tell me how all of his friends were concerned that I was too emotionally demanding and too much of a liability relationship-wise, but he made sure I knew that he always stood up for me in these conversations.

I eventually realised it was insecurity on his part. I was completely out of his league and he was scared I would realise it. Fortunately once I met DH, I soon realised how much of a dick my ex was.

Nagoo · 09/02/2013 20:39

No one important enough to matter. I don't take her seriously, but it interested me to know if there was a proper term for this 'technique'.

OP posts:

Corygal · 09/02/2013 20:45

There should be a neat German or Japanese word for it, but I'd go for snide.

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 09/02/2013 21:17

Passive aggressive...pretending to be nice but really getting in a dig at you.

Nagoo · 11/02/2013 08:59

divide and conquer I found it :)

OP posts:

targaryen24 · 11/02/2013 09:03

Emotional manipulation. And it's extremely insidious & destructive. Whoever they are, I wouldn't listen to a word that came out of their mouth

targaryen24 · 11/02/2013 09:04

Divide and conquer is the battle plan I guess

Nagoo · 11/02/2013 09:09

I never understand what these people think that they are going to win!

OP posts:

Dryjuice25 · 11/02/2013 12:13

Machiavellian.

DancesWithBabies · 11/02/2013 12:19

Shit stirring

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.