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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

What do you do when you feel weak and vulnerable in a relationship?

20 replies

SummerDad · 09/02/2013 20:06

Just wondering ...

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kirstys23 · 09/02/2013 20:13

If it were me I would have to evaluate whether being in a relationship where I was made to feel to weak was worth being in. Why does your relationship make you feel like this?

Helpyourself · 09/02/2013 20:13

By definition if you feel like that it's not a good relationship. Why are you still in it? Misplaced loyalty? Fear?
There could be extenuating circumstances, although I'm struggling to think what they might be.

CailinDana · 09/02/2013 20:19

Depends on why you feel weak and vulnerable.

SummerDad · 09/02/2013 20:22

true, it is not a good relationship perhaps I am not strong enough to take this step have never been unfaithful but there are lonely moments when I really find my morality being tested, how do you keep yourself intact in these weak moments.

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Helpyourself · 09/02/2013 20:27

You're not making sense.
You sound as if you'd like to be unfaithful and you're looking for excuses.
Whatever. If the relationships younger than a few years old or you have no kids, break up now and sort your head out. If there are com

Helpyourself · 09/02/2013 20:28

Damn.
If there are complicating factors you still need to sort your head out pronto.

kalidanger · 09/02/2013 20:30

Are you the chap whose wife ignores him for months?

SummerDad · 09/02/2013 20:34

Helpyourself you are partly right, sometimes I feel like being unfaithful and yes I am looking for excuses but to remain faithful and not otherwise.

I have been married for 10 years with a child and trying to sort out issues through counselling etc but doesn't seem to be working. Getting out of the relationship in the near future is not an option either.

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SummerDad · 09/02/2013 20:36

Are you the chap whose wife ignores him for months?
you made me smile. Quite a common theme it is, isn't it? Yes, I am one of those chaps.

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BesameBesame · 09/02/2013 20:40

IMO a relationship that threatens your sense of security and self worth isn't one that's working well at all, especially if your efforts to improve the balance of contribution to it aren't met with at least the same effort.

Hatpin · 09/02/2013 20:45

What do you mean when you say "getting out of the relationship in the near future is not an option"? You can end a relationship any time you like, if its not working and you think you've exhausted all avenues of resolving issues.

kalidanger · 09/02/2013 21:03

I imagine you're feeling weak and vulnerable to the attentions of another because you're not getting any attention at home because your relationship is over.

So end the relationship.

BesameBesame · 09/02/2013 21:27

Summerdad. If you spoke to my EXH he would probably have a lot of empathy with your predicament.

Where we went wrong was to flog the proverbial for years longer than we should have. And then he went and had an affair which ended one kind of misery and replaced it with another much worse kind. He has not recovered the trust and respect of ANY of our DC's or RL friends.

you always have options. What appears to be the line of least resistance isn't, always, IME.

SummerDad · 09/02/2013 21:34

I have been reading posts on these forums for a long time now and I know exactly what affairs result in the long run. Apart from that, I have never been fond of stolen moments any way, just interested to know how other people manage to be strong when they are at the verge of weakness.

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BesameBesame · 09/02/2013 21:51

Ah well - I'm afraid my EXH couldn't help you on that one .

But I can tell you what stopped me from 'being weak'. It's something I have read somewhere by someone (sorry) and its something like:

When i doubted my love I stayed committed to my marriage
When I doubted my marriage I stayed committed to my vows
When I doubted my vows i stayed committed to my commitment.

Or some such thing but you get my drift. I did that, and it really helped me when it finally all fell apart, I knew I'd done everything I could but I couldn't fight the love he felt for someone else. I think that's where me and EXH differed.

kalidanger · 09/02/2013 21:55

the verge of weakness sounds terribly poetic but it's not. It's a decision. Ate you getting yourself into a situation where you are almost being physically intimate with someone else? Because if you are you're already having an emotional affair.

Helpyourself · 09/02/2013 22:22

Spare us the hystrionics. Whatever you do, at least have the self respect to work out what you're doing and why.

flippingflup · 09/02/2013 22:30

Why is getting out of the relationship in the near future not an option?! If it's over, it's over. Are you waiting for her to end it so you don't have the guilt? As a woman if I feel weak and vulnerable I cry. A lot.

deleted203 · 09/02/2013 22:32

You get out.

That is the only response to feeling weak and vulnerable in a relationship.

Pack up and get the fuck out of there and sort your own life out.

SummerDad · 10/02/2013 16:53

BesameBesame that's quite reassuring thanks for such a wonderful post, I am sure it will be very helpful for me.
Many thanks to other posters also for taking their time to write on this thread

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