Painful Seperation

[dc49]

Just trying to come to terms with my husband of 31 years walking out on me and the kids for a 23 year old girl (my husband is just about to turn 55). Just to explain my husband is disabled and has various health problems and I have been his carer for the past 15 years. In October he spent a month in hospital in a psychiactric ward for depression and seizures and this is where he met her. She was actually there for three of the four weeks, and they continued phoning each other when they left and now they say they are in love and my husband has moved in with her and her father (who is the same age as my husband) and her 21 year old brother. He has moved a three hour journey away. My children do not want anything to do with him neither does his family. I am approaching a milestone birthday myself in a weeks time and I never imagined spending it without him. I have so many unanswered questions and the pain is unbearable.

[Mumsyblouse]

I am so sorry to hear about this, I don't have any advice, I know everyone here will have some helpful thoughts for you, but I just didn't want you to feel on your own. How awful, and how ridiculous of him. The only thing I can say is that my father also ran off with someone else, and he has health problems, and ultimately my mother has benefitted a lot from not having to care for him as he ages, especially as he wasn't grateful and had affairs. This may not be as disastrous for you as it will be for him, but I know it must be hard to feel like that right now.

[dc49]

Thanks for replying so quickly, it's just I never ever imagined him doing this to us, everyone who knows him says it is so out of character and that it wont last, it has only been 9 days but it feels like forever and now I have to build a new life for myself. Because I have been so involved with caring for him and the children, I have had no time for myself and have no friends

[izzyizin]

As he's no longer draining your physical and emotional resources, it's to be hoped you will be able to find time for yourself and put some thought into how you want your life to be now you're free to live it to the full.

On a more pratical note, you'll need to give thought to the financial implications of him leaving and begin ordering your affairs in a different manner.

I suggest you book an appointment with a solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law and who offers a free half an hour consultation as a matter of urgency.

Please note that entitlement to legal aid in these matters will no longer be available after the end of March and you may be best advised to petition for divorce citing his adultery asap - at the very least this should concentrate his mind on matters other than his new squeeze who, needless to say, is likely to boot him out of her home in the not too distant future.

[dc49]

Thanks for your support everyone which is greatly appreciated especially as I have no friends to turn to as I have devoted my life to him and the kids and it has been physically and emotionally draining for many years and this is the thanks I get. I have just spoken to him on the phone to try and sort out some financial matters and he answered the phone all bright and breezy. They have been looking at places to rent together, they are opening a joint account and she is now going to be his carer. I am turning 50 next weekend and I feel I have been replaced just like that for a younger model. I just have so much to think about right now what with dealing with my emotions, my children's' emotions, the financial implications and then trying to build up friendships and a new life for myself is so scary and that's without the thought of returning to work after 15 years of caring. I have thought about what I would do if he turned up tomorrow saying he had made a terrible mistake, sometimes i say I will take him back but then I tell myself that I am better than that and deserve better. His behavior has been unreasonable for months and if this does not work out with her he is going to end up a sad and lonely old man!
xx