I've NC for this as I feel so sensitive about it. I've posted on this board before and got amazing advice. After a one night 'fling' (no actual sex) with a colleague, which was the latest in a long line of male-attention-seeking behaviours over the years I posted a desperate plea and MNers really helped. I was advised to attend counselling and I have.
Essentially, my counseller thinks much of my behaviour stems from my DH. I am in no way seeking to blame him for what I did with my colleague which was a shocking breach of trust and I feel horribly guilty. But I do understand why I behave the way I do.
DH is very undemonstrative verbally, with 'you look nice' the only compliment I have ever had from him, and only when he knows I've made an effort (ie we are going out to dinner). I might be shallow, pathetic and needy but I would love more than that. I would love him to begin a text 'hello gorgeous' or say something truly heartfelt.
The main problem is that coupled with the above, we just don't have enough/any sex. We only do it when he is drunk . He is very cuddly and affectionate but it never goes further.
I know it's not right but I compare us/him to other bf's I've had previously (who were all over me all the time) and to the way men are portrayed (as horny buggers).
I've spoken to him a number of times about the above (without improvement despite reassurances) but I've hit a brick wall and am stuck as to how to proceed. Any suggestions? I love him and think he is the most utterly gorgeous creature ever put on this earth! He is my ideal man in every way except this and I'm feeling heartbroken.
I'm also, of course, desperately concerned that my bad behaviour of the past will repeat itself and everyone will end up heartbroken. I cannot bear the thought of him being hurt for even a second, but I can see a troubled path ahead if things don't improve.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
If DH and I don't improve our sex life I think it's over
NeedYourHelpPlease · 31/01/2013 18:30
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