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what to make of this text on DH's phone?

(140 Posts)
grants1000 Fri 18-Jan-13 20:39:55

Together 23 years, married 12, never a hint of DH having an affair, in fact his Dad had several affairs and he has always been repulsed by them.

He got a new iphone and I was fiddling with it while he was in the shower midweek, was being nosey as I don't have an iphone. I found this text from 'Emma' saying

"Yes, Tuesday night would be great, after work and don't ply meet with drinks this time as I have an early start! smily face icon'

He was going to London, staying with his sister as he often for work. I saw the texts to his sister confirming he was staying there eg: her texts to him and vice versa.

So I asked him what he was doing after his meetings on Tues, was he having dinner with his sister and he said no he was meeting 'Dave & John' (people I know).

Anyway he did not stay in London Tues in the end as he had to be back here for a meeting. I checked his phone and the Emma text has been deleted and I don't know how to look for deleted texts on an iphone, so I did not see any reply to her text.

I have been though his Linked In profile and cannot see any 'Emma' and been though his phone and I know 95% of those on it and those who are work realted. I called this 'Emma' and it went to voicemail with no idication of who she is or where she works.

What the fuck is this?

Bigwuss Fri 18-Jan-13 21:13:29

So, I send my male colleagues messages like that and go out with them drinking BUT I don't hide meeting up with them from DH. He has met most of them too. Not sure I would show him a message like that as I wouldn't think it was anything special. The hiding it from you is an issue.
I hope it all works out

grants1000 Fri 18-Jan-13 21:14:11

That is another thing, I know his email password and I have looked at his email, well his gmail and nothing, I can't access his work account emails. There is one Emma on his LInked In but she's an older 50 plus woman he worked with years ago and I seriously doubt it's her!!

FellatioNels0n Fri 18-Jan-13 21:16:05

I know it's too late now but it's a very bad idea to confront him by text. It gives him thinking time and you cannot see his face to gauge his reaction to being questioned.

Jbck Fri 18-Jan-13 21:16:18

It might be the same Emma as his contacts just that she sent her text to the wrong person. Hope it's all innocent.

MikeOxardInTheSnow Fri 18-Jan-13 21:16:27

What did you ask him by text?

grants1000 Fri 18-Jan-13 21:17:52

I'd Googled the number, it's a mobile and nothing came up. Plus he never deletes anything, his gmail is nearly full, his Blackberry had texts at least a year old, not in his normal nature to delete and be tidy

He has been wierd of late, he was in Florence for work for 4 days in Jan and hard to get hold of or did not reply to a couple of my texts

Anyway I've texted him, lets wait and see. Thanks ladies, really helps to be able to talk

hpsaucy Fri 18-Jan-13 21:18:17

has he replied to your text?

Ameybee Fri 18-Jan-13 21:19:42

Hope he replies soon, awful waiting. Good luck OP, really hope its innocent x

HecateWhoopass Fri 18-Jan-13 21:20:14

Do you think that on some level you actually want to give him the opportunity to make up some lies that will convince you? Because you don't want to face the possibility he's shagging someone?

Again - not condemning you for that! It would be natural and understandable.

I just think that it is important that you understand why you are making the choices you are making (eg to give him the 'heads up' and therefore a chance to think about what he's going to tell you ) and what you hope the outcome will be.

grants1000 Fri 18-Jan-13 21:21:02

My text said, "So I have a few questions....Who is Emma? Why was she texting you about Tuesday evening? Why did she say about the drinks? Why did you delete the text? Why did you say you were going out with Dave & John?

JuliesSistersCousinsAuntsCat Fri 18-Jan-13 21:21:55

Also, don't most smartphones have a message notification/symbol at the top of the screen? For unread messages? And if you read it before he did, surely he would notice the message had been opened and read?

If so, he'll know someone read it first. Or am I over-thinking this?

Aspiemum2 Fri 18-Jan-13 21:24:12

Oh dear, it doesn't sound great really. You've been together a long time for him to have a friend he's never even mentioned in passing.
I hope there's a reasonable explanation for this but here for hand holding either way

austenozzy Fri 18-Jan-13 21:25:10

I've got two numbers in my phone for an old mate, one old and one new. I've mistakenly sent text messages to the old one and got replies from the new owner of that number asking who the hell I am. Very common as old numbers are recycled. I hope it's something like that. Best of luck.

takeaway2 Fri 18-Jan-13 21:25:49

I'm so sorry you came across that but could it at all be innocent? In that there was no xxx or any of those sort of 'cant wait to see you again darling...' 'Counting the minutes..' Type of text?

It could v well be that he had met up with her before, they (in a group) had too much to drink... So in that message,, she's just making reference to the previous event.

Eg. Say I drive James to a meeting. We get lost. The next time we have to go to a meeting, in a text message, I might say 'lets hope we don't get it all wrong tomorrow!' And it could mean a million things, but to James it would just mean not getting lost!

Fwiw, I did go to a meeting with a James yesterday and we did get lost... grin

Does that help? At all?

Sugarice Fri 18-Jan-13 21:28:12

You're not pathetic.

He's a twat just for the texting.

VitoCorleone Fri 18-Jan-13 21:28:47

Did he reply to your texts?

I dont blame you for texting, i think id do the same, i couldnt sit there all night waiting til he got home to ask.

MikeOxardInTheSnow Fri 18-Jan-13 21:28:55

Good questions. I hope he answers them all. He should be on the phone any moment with a good explanation, apology and be on his way home to reassure you in person, I really hope.

BluelightsAndSirens Fri 18-Jan-13 21:31:14

You don't have to shag someone to go for a drink with them!

It could be very early stages although not a good sign if he hasn't called straight after receiving the text and then comes back with my battery died or I didn't get the text till xxx.

Stay strong grants x

fackinell Fri 18-Jan-13 21:31:48

A friend of mine was in a similar position and (on my suggestion) text the woman from her own phone pretending to be her DP (phone being repaired, this is my new no for now) and through conversation got all the answers she wanted. May be a long shot but I'd blimmin well do it!!

takeaway2 Fri 18-Jan-13 21:32:17

I also have a German friend. I don't really know v well but we get on. His English is pretty spot on but he comes up with the strangest phrases.

Eg I helped him out on something pretty important. He writes in an email..'you are gorgeous!' Erm. I deleted it. I don't know if I've deleted the entire thread actually so if someone looks into my email acc they might see that rogue comment and think a million things.

I'm 99.99% sure he meant it as a 'you're awesome thanks for helping me' manner rather than a 'you're gorgeous, beautiful I want to shag you' manner.....

My point being .. People can misunderstand a whole load of things....... Good luck with his reply...

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 18-Jan-13 21:34:20

Blimey OP sad

Those are good questions.

Combined with he has been weird of late it doesn't look great.

Matildaduck Fri 18-Jan-13 21:35:51

I like facks suggestion.

chocolateistheenemy Fri 18-Jan-13 21:36:01

I'm suspicious about the "ply me with drinks" comment above all. As though there is an ulterior motive. I take it he's never mentioned the name Emma? I feel rotten for you. I hope you've had a reply by now...

BouncyPenguin Fri 18-Jan-13 21:38:10

The fact that he deleted the text might suggest that he didn't want you to read it. The text itself doesn't sound like something sent during an affair. If I was to hazard a guess I would say it's someone he works with who he is socialising with (possibly at the same time as his other work friends). I could believe it may be innocent. But I would want to know why he deleted the message. Did he delete it because he didn't want you to know he was meeting a female friend? Did he delete it because there is more going on? I socialise with male colleagues. I guess I may send them a text along those lines. I am not having an affair with them nor have I any wish to do so. Like someone else said, texts can sound different when read out of context. You know your husband. Do you think he is having a flirtation and wanting to be secretive? I had a situation faguely similar with my husband a few years ago. It turned out that I had jumped to conclusions and put 2 and 2 together and got 5. It's laughable now. Maybe this is the case with your husband. Don't torture yourself. Get it sorted straight away. Then you can go from there.

grants1000 Fri 18-Jan-13 21:49:11

His reply:

"Yes I am moving in with her next week. Don't be stupid, she is one of the buyers from * she knows * (male friend I do know but have never met, but not Dave or John) too, we were all going out and the last time we were all out we got drunk. Love you silly X"

So I have text back - why did you not/never had mentioned her before? What is her surname? How do you know her? Why is she listed as just Helen in your phone? Why did you not say that you have got drunk with her and others before and lied about what you were doing on Tuesday.

I have googled her from her name 'Emma' (obviously not her real name) and she does come up as the buyer for * Plus ther is a picture and she's blonde and very pretty, scandanavian looking.

Arrrgh.

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