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Is this a normal way to speak for some men/ people ?

(112 Posts)
Domesticsloven Thu 17-Jan-13 23:27:18

Ds asked for a drink from dh tonight he is 10 . He does get his own drinks too. Dh said " get your own you little git " (shock) he was " joking" and meant he could get his own, apparently
WTF .

This is a professional man , why would he use a word like that to a child? It has really shocked me.

However I am quite genteel so AIBU ? (but to you nice reasonable relationships peeps)

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 21:53:23

Thx

NicknameTaken Fri 18-Jan-13 13:47:44

OP, Patrician Evans has written some helpful books on verbal abuse. You might find that they can give you some insight into the situations and some strategies to deal with it.

BertieBotts Fri 18-Jan-13 12:43:33

"lazy git" would/could be ok, depending on context, used affectionately/jokingly.

"Little git" is somehow worse - I can't explain why, it's almost (to me) like saying "Ugh, you're so annoying, always asking for stuff, what a horrible person"

Rather than "I can't believe you're being so lazy as to ask!" in a gently surprised/chiding manner.

However I agree with the poster who says you know, as someone close to him, how he meant it and what context/meaning was behind it. And I think with the other stuff you've said I'd be concerned.

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 12:35:36

Nickname taker is spot on smile

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 12:13:16

Will read full thread nd replies after my shift and tomorrow am being taken in with hospital transport 4 by 4 so no replies until late now or tomorrow
Thank you all for considering this and thoughtful replies

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 12:05:33

Answered AF already yes he has said and done similar from time to time, when he wants to, no explanation... His response would be like those who have replied " not to be so soft " etc

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 12:04:18

Sorry little git am really not used to my I pad yet sorry

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 12:03:06

Sorry no time for reply am snowed in but going to work now
I am not happy with disrespect it is intermittent and he won,t discuss it
The answers on the thred show why I am ambivalent about what this means, it's not what I thinkis right and I don.t do it myself so obv don!t want him to do it but he won't accept my view, he does what he wants to do

Have on prob with daft apeth daft plank little horror etc at all love nicknames little get is not the same

dequoisagitil Fri 18-Jan-13 12:02:05

I think that because this goes with a context of you being spoken to disrespectfully and your concerns being dismissed, you should take it seriously.

I wouldn't like this apparent attempt to 'man up' your child through putting him down and denigration of potential hobbies as girlish - it says to me, your dh doesn't actually like women much, for one thing and is trying to enforce a very narrow form of masculinity.

It's all very destructive to your son's self-esteem (and yours). I don't think you should put up with it.

BadLad Fri 18-Jan-13 11:54:34

If you watch Only Fools and Horses there are plenty of times when Del and Rodney call each other gits, sometimes affectionately, sometimes not.

Depending on context, I would probably think nothing of it, but if one parent isn't happy with it being said to the children, I think the other parent ought to cut it out.

PeppermintPasty Fri 18-Jan-13 10:42:29

I wouldn't stand for my ds being called a little git in this context. I'm almost more offended at the OP being told to shut up.

How often does he speak to you like that OP?

NicknameTaken Fri 18-Jan-13 10:29:59

Totally agree with kalidanger's post of 09.29.

I accept "git" is used with affection in many houses. Nobody's claiming that it is by itself an act of abuse.

What's behind it seems to be a pattern of OP's H speaking contemptuously to his wife and child, in a way that is distressing OP but is subtle enough for her to find it difficult to put her finger on the exact problem. It does not seem possible for her to have a mutually respectful conversation with him to express her concerns.

Those of you dismissing it may not have experience of being at the receiving end of verbal abuse. The actual words can look mild written down, but having them hissed at you with fury and contempt is a horrible experience.

ClartyCarol Fri 18-Jan-13 10:13:40

Ah well, too late.

ClartyCarol Fri 18-Jan-13 10:12:51

So OP, he sounds like a male chauvinistic pig which presumably you have known for years. Arrogant doctor and all the rest of it, with apologies to all the nice docs out there. Now you're starting to worry about the way in which he speaks to your dc, so the answer to that is pull him up on it. You actually sound like you're a bit wary of him, would you say that's the case?

Our household is quite verbally rambunctious, but as other posters have said it is fine when done with humour and affection. Don't really use git, when I think about it the most common term of endearment tends to be "Yer daft plank!".

kalidanger Fri 18-Jan-13 10:12:24

I think the OP had gone as so few people have read the thread properly. I wouldn't give her a hard time about that tbh.

ElvisIsKing Fri 18-Jan-13 10:08:49

Why won't you answer AF's question? Has he always been doing this? It's hard to answer if you don't give a bit more context/background

As you can see most think it's ok in some circumstances in jest but I don't think this was, was it?

pixi2 Fri 18-Jan-13 09:58:29

Sorry, reasonable.

My phone doesn't like me much right now.

pixi2 Fri 18-Jan-13 09:57:54

My goodness. I hope he has a readonzble statement as to why he thought this is acceptable.

I am like you op and this would cause great offence. DC are little rascal and little minx. I pulled DH up twice for inappropriate name calling. Fortunately he'll do anything I want for an easy life.

discorabbit Fri 18-Jan-13 09:54:34

grin charity

don't think i would get my knickers in a twist over the word

charitygirl Fri 18-Jan-13 09:50:52

Git is such a term of affection in my house that it has its own diminutive, 'gitlet'.

Exactly Kali. He told OP to shut up and go to bed if she didn't like it. He thinks he's above everyone and can talk to people like shite. I bet he's not very nice to his junior staff either.

I hear the sound of tippy toes on eggshells here...

WeeWeeWeeAllTheWayHome Fri 18-Jan-13 09:44:39

I'm getting the feeling that you're quite uncomfortable around him OP and possibly flinch at some of his views?

Tell me if I'm reading too much into it, but he seems quite...anti-women? Or is he an equal opportunist slater of people?

Oh and Silly Sod grin

Pendipidy Fri 18-Jan-13 09:42:10

You sound like you are talking about your neighbours or someone you don't know very well, not your husband! Don't you know him by now, how he talks and thinks?
My dh would say it too i wouldn't.he says lots of things i don't like but i cannot change him. He is not perfect and neither am i. My dh would call a random woman on the tv a tart . I think that is wholly inappropriate and tell him so most times but that is how he talks most of the time cos it amuses him in his childish sense of humour!

We got called Git, Little Bugger and my personal favourite 'Daft Apeth' had no idea I should have called Social Services on my Mum hmm

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