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Support thread for those going through divorce..?

(183 Posts)
ChangeAfoot Fri 04-Jan-13 18:04:59

It looks as though H and I are going to get divorced, have first appointments with lawyers booked over the next few days. I'm feeling horribly erratic - it was his decision but we've been miserable for ages and he's very difficult to live with. There's also been an affair (his), and his non-stop complaints and criticism, and in recent months his unemployment, to wear us down.

I was wondering if there was already a support thread for those going through these trials, because I'm so up and down and absolutely gutted about the end of "the dream" (albeit a shit one where you wake up in a cold sweat wink) and worrying about what lies ahead - social pariah-hood and destitution, if my worst fears were ever to be realised. I'm so tearful a lot of the time, although am already having flashes of feeling lighter and wondering whether I'll look back and thank my lucky stars.

If there isn't already a thread, and anyone else in a similar position fancies venting with me, then be my guest grin

<seethes in anticipation>

changeafoot Mon 04-Feb-13 08:26:00

Thank you. I'm sitting in the kitchen in tears, waiting to get to 9am so I can phone my lawyer. I feel like my world is collapsing. It's this constant fear that we are going to lose everything which he keeps insisting on, and of course the paranoia it has placed in me that there's something I don't know about which is going to unravel once this divorce gets going.

My mum said last night she'd fly down from Scotland and drive us all up there with her if we needed to. Am going to see what my lawyer says - barrister friend last night said that if we moved somewhere temporary, we could maybe get an occupation order going to get him out of the house, but that it would take 2-3 months to get a court date. Not sure I want to move us all so far away from here for that length of time - I get on alright with my mum but it means we'd be away from all other support networks including playmates for the girls and I really do want them to have as much social interaction as possible at the moment. Sigh.

comingintomyown Mon 04-Feb-13 09:08:30

Its an awful, gut wrenching time change but it will pass even though it feels like forever when you are in the midst of it all. I hope your lawyer has help set your mind at rest and all this secrecy is just sort of game playing by your husband.

changeafoot Mon 04-Feb-13 09:09:21

She's in court till this afternoon - damn!!!

Dillie Mon 04-Feb-13 16:49:57

Hey everyone. Change I hope your OK now and everything has settled down.

I need some honest advice. My mum and dad offered to buy the house with my granddads inheritance. My stbxh refused point blank, so I started to look elsewhere. I did find somewhere on Saturday so trying to book a second viewing.

However, now I got a text from him this morning saying he wants to discuss it!! It is progress, but he changes his mind more often than he changes his socks at the mo. Only last night he was threatening to kill himself if I left!!

I got myself so geared up to move, but now I don't know what to do!!

So honestly should I push for a sale on the open market or take parents offer?

What ever house I get they will buy and I will rent back off them. Its just stability for dd that I am worried about. When we moved to the current house, she didn't cope very well at all!

I was so set on what to do, but now my head is Swiss cheese again!!

comingintomyown Mon 04-Feb-13 18:39:43

It would be easier and cheaper to stay put provided you like the house and dont feel you would benefit from a fresh start ?

I am not clear on why your xh has any say or influence in this or is it just foot stamping ?

Also I should have said in my post we moved in almost 2 years ago and love it, I am slumped on the sofa with DS waiting for a curry to arrive life is good...hang in there guys smile

She70 Mon 04-Feb-13 19:09:22

dillie the problem I guess is if your parents buy the house (from you and dh presumably?), then how will you make him leave? Will he not just still se it as his home whereas if you sell up and your parents buy somewhere he is not connected with he won't even have a key. Is this right or have I misunderstood? In which case I'd probably go for the 2nd option and buy somewhere he has no standing. How old is your dd? I keep being told how resilient children are and they will cope with a move providing you are there and making sure they feel loved and secure.

Dillie Mon 04-Feb-13 20:56:32

she that is my worry totally.

I guess the only thing that is keeping here is dd and my friends (neighbours). A lot of dd's school friends are on the doorstep. The area is lovely.

Parents will be the owner of the house as I am renting it off them so he will have no right to it. There will be a provision in their will just in case.

As I am writing this he has just told me that we can sell it providing he gets all the equity on the assumption that I will make the loss up in x years time!

He wants the equity so he can clear his debts get somewhere decent and be able to give me maintenance!

If I move out, he has said that if I force him into a financial black hole, he will drag me down with him. The worst of it is, I believe him!

Manipulative little twunt.

Sorry to go on! Thanks guys.

changeafoot Tue 05-Feb-13 13:04:49

Dillie - he does sound like a nightmare... another one to join the list!

I had a dreadful day yesterday; honestly feeling as though my life has become a joke. He has told me that he's now petitioned for divorce so I have that to look forward to. Along with the fact that he is telling me we will lose everything in this divorce. Am terrified.

Spoke to my lawyer who had a real go at me for having lost my temper with him and giving him cause to call the police, even though he has massively exaggerated what happened. She thinks he is trying to get me removed from the house so he can stay with the children. Although I have received an email from him this morning saying that I can take the DC to stay with my mother in Scotland for a few weeks. Not sure what I think about that, but I don't think I want to be so far away from all other support. Also v nervous about taking the girls out of nursery for a few weeks - he'll then be able to use that to justify them being taken out permanently.

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