Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Trying to make sense of my feelings. Is it me, or him??

(17 Posts)
AnyFuckerForAMincePie Wed 02-Jan-13 23:34:54

There is your happy ever after, op

Just what you are after....

TakeMyEyesButNotTheMulledWine Wed 02-Jan-13 19:59:35

Keep persevering OP.

He might be just a bit scared of his feelings, if you prove how devoted you are to him, he will commit properly and propose marriage.

You will meet his parent/kids and live happily ever after.

You lucky, lucky woman.

grin

Anniegetyourgun Wed 02-Jan-13 19:33:03

If this is "that" poster, there's only one way to put a stop to this. Somebody tell her he's only mucking her about to test her devotion and one day soon he'll say congratulations you've passed, and sweep her in his arms like Rhett Butler, and all will be happily ever after-ness. I can't bring myself to be the person who says it, though.

mariefrance1 Wed 02-Jan-13 19:29:11

I really don't see your motives for posting about this relationship over and over again,

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Wed 02-Jan-13 18:46:59

You didn't get a grip for xmas then?

Shame.

izzyizin Wed 02-Jan-13 18:27:12

Btw, the answer to your question is that it's him that's not into you and you that's into flogging a dead horse.

Cut this loser free your losses, honey. It's a new year and there's no shortage of men who say what they mean and mean what they say.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 02-Jan-13 18:24:28

You've been pidgeon holed OP. He wants you in a segment of his life nothing else. This is clearly not what you want so you should move on.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 02-Jan-13 18:21:59

I remember you too OP. Why are you carrying this on?

New year new beginnings?

TakeMyEyesButNotTheMulledWine Wed 02-Jan-13 18:16:17

You again? I wondered when you'd be back hmm

Give it a rest OP.

Everyone tells you to move on but you're still clinging on to him.

Get a grip.

izzyizin Wed 02-Jan-13 17:28:11

'Coming up to Christmas he said "oh by the way, do you want to go for a meal with my mum tomorrow night? would be an ideal way for you to meet her!" Next day he text to say his mum was too busy.

This sounds familiar. Have you posted before about him using a number of different names? Is there an on/off holiday involved?

Why bother wasting any more valuable time on him when it's obvious nothing's going to change?

Hassled Wed 02-Jan-13 16:45:16

I think at 6 months in it should be fun and passion and laughs - not angst and issues and shite. Is he really worth hanging around for? You may well end up investing a lot of time and energy in someone who isn't so much unable to commit as who just doesn't want to commit.

hygienequeen Wed 02-Jan-13 16:40:26

Why wait a year ? It really doesn't sound like you're as important to him as he is to you and are you willing to put up with feeling this way for another SIX months ? really ?

Sounds like you know what you have to do.

I think a frank talk with him. You won't loose anything by telling him how oyu feel and seeing what he says.

I an very surprised you haven't met his parents after 6 months and yet he left you in the car while he popped round there, so it's not like distance is the issue.

itspeanuts Wed 02-Jan-13 16:38:00

Aren't you bored of this by now...

IntoxicatedWithMadness Wed 02-Jan-13 16:33:51

He DOES mess me about. Months ago he was saying about me meeting his parents - I made it obvious that I wanted to and nothing got arranged. I mentioned it again later in the year and he said "oh yeah, I'm onto it - I'll arrange something" again nothing happened. Coming upto Christmas he said "oh by the way, do you want to go for a meal with my mum tomorrow night? would be an ideal way for you to meet her!" so I was like "yeah, definitely!" I even went out to buy a new outfit. Next day he text to say his mum was too busy. At this point I gave up on it. A couple of days before Christmas he popped into his mums to pick something up and left me waiting in the car. When he came back out he said "we'll have to arrange for you to meet her, won't we?" and I was like "yeah, whatever". I don't trust him on stuff like that anymore.

Another one was "oh, why don't you add my sister to your facebook?" - erm ... maybe I should MEET her first??

I'm starting to wonder if anything will have changed by the time we've been together a year. Infact, I'm wondering if I should give it another 6 months to see if anything does actually move on for us. If, by the time we've been together a whole year I've still not been introduced to anyone important to him I suppose I'll know.

hygienequeen Wed 02-Jan-13 16:24:29

If it's this hard in the beginning i can't see it getting any easier tbh ... the only thing you can do is ask him. Also remember you are worth more than being mucked around x

IntoxicatedWithMadness Wed 02-Jan-13 16:22:15

I've been seeing someone coming up to 6 months although we have known each other for around 10 months. The start of our relationship was rather intense and we both got a little carried away with it all with talk of living together etc despite barely knowing each other. Then he put the brakes on and more or less said we were moving too fast and we needed to bring it back into the real world. I was gutted at first because I took it as an indication that he was going off me but we stayed together and everything has been ok since. He's great to be around, he's funny and kind, treats me with respect, helps me where he can and is always coming up with ideas for us to do. However, we seen to have come to a complete standstill regarding the overall relationship. We never talk of future plans anymore, all talk of me meeting his family have stopped and no suggestions at all regarding me meeting his kids.

Infact, he seems terrified of commitment at all. I know he had a hard time with his divorce etc but if he can't get over it, should he even be in a new relationship? He's terrified of his kids doing one on him if they react badly to his new relationship - so how long is he planning to pretend that dad will never move on? his kids are 16 and 17 years old - the "I don't want to upset the kids" excuse is starting to wear a bit thin.

I'm trying to be sensible, we're only 6 months in but I feel so confused about everything now. On the one hand I love being with him but on the other hand I think how nice it would be to be with someone who didn't have a ton of "issues" hanging over their heads. I suppose if everything wasn't so intense at the start it wouldn't seem so bad but I kind of feel like I've been "dumped" and then "picked up" again at a much slower pace. Almost as if he realized I wasn't that great and so decided to do a double take on the whole thing. I'm probably being stupid but I can't help thinking I'm wasting my time here if he's always going to have this cloud of "issues" hanging over his head.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now