Morning All, and Happy New Year.
I need a bit of help (yes I am a bloke on MumsNet let's make that clear - I hope the username helps, I have also edited key geographic county and ages so as not to identify me or anyone else)
Scenario
Cutting straight to the chase she's a single mother with two kids (6 years age gap between them (still in primary schooling) from two fathers. The youngest sees his dad on a regular basis and that is all amicable with them. The oldest does not have a father he doesn't want to know. She is currently unemployed but wants to get job / hobbies / etc as soon as the youngest is in nursery.
I think she's great we talk non stop for hours we're in touch daily and I feel very comfortable at her home and go round there a couple of times a week at the moment sharing time and some good food. Initially it was because she said she doesn't get out and about much with having the kids so I made the effort to be a good friend and keep her company.
Well I am now at a position where she has made it very clear that she wants to go further than just a friendship and I have been reliably informed this from others in the social circle.
But ... I have questions running through my head about the short and long term impact on any relationship we attempt to form.
- Is it right of me to feel that if it goes wrong I will have let her and her kids down? considering she's been a bit low over the last couple of months. I feel that if I launch myself into this then it goes wrong I will feel terribly guilty. (why do I feel like this? is it because I'm wondering why it didn't work out with her previous partners?)
- How do I deal with the kids? I have no parenting experience I do however enjoy playing games with them and have looked after them a couple of times when she's been out. The eldest said the other day when I was going "don't go" I asked why he didn't want me to go and he bluntly replied "because you're cool and funny" The youngest will happily come and have a hug and sit and read a book with me or show off his cars and other toys.
- How will my involvement affect her financial position she currently receives some maintenance, state benefits and housing benefits. At what point does she need to let the council know etc ... (actually more to the point if it went wrong how quickly could she get back on the relevant support mechanisms)
- Ok this one's really bugging me I am completely OCD about tidiness ... the house however has stuff everywhere! I want to literally empty every room and start again. She has some nice stuff and it's all fine it's just messy and disorganised! I've made it clear with the kids from the first time I went round months and months ago that when I played a game with them they had to put it away before I would play the next one. Is that right of me?
Help appreciated here thanks! There's loads more Q's but those are the ones at the top of my thought processes at the moment.
Looking forward to any advice you can give.